Again, I am in Europe. I am doing my best with soccer. But, as did a previous post to which I linked, Rick Reilly’s list of things that bug him about the World Cup does strike a chord.
Included in Reilly’s list is:
The Twinkie-fingered gloves goalkeepers wear. No wonder the English goalkeeper allowed that easy shot to give America a 1-1 tie in the Group C opener. You couldn’t stop a beach ball with those big goofy things. What, is Hamburger Helper a sponsor? Why must they be so huge? Doesn’t Roger Rabbit need them back? And where do the batteries go? How are goalkeepers expected to hang on to the ball with them on? And is it difficult to play goalie while also taking things out of the oven?
Rick has obviously never played goalie. I have, and the gloves make it easier to catch and grip a soccer ball than using bare hands.
Greg – – did you use the Twinkie gloves like they do now?
Yup.
But I actually agree with most everything else he wrote. I find the horns extremely annoying; I hate ties; and I dislike all the flopping and acting.
I can see why most people don’t “get” soccer. The only reason I enjoy watching it is because I played it, and I watch very little soccer–primarily the World Cup.
In response to Rick Reilly’s ESPN article entitled “World Cup Buzz Kills.” If you don’t understand the game of soccer, then just admit it, and stop giving Americans the reputation of “soccer idiots” around the world. Speaking of that, the best sign I’ve seen so far at this world cup was held by an American and it said, “Where’s the quarterback” at least we jest.
Reilly had 10 “buzz kills” he addressed, and so I shall make a rebuttal list in an effort to prove that a typical American fan is not as stupid as Reilly.
1. The Vuvuzelas. Not part of soccer, I could take them or leave them myself, but as far as being an interruption to watching the games on TV — just not the case. I’m a bit bummed that they interrupt the player’s communication on the field, as I’ve seen several players behave as if they didn’t know a man was on, when undoubtedly their mates are screaming, “MAN ON!”
2. The Bibs Subs Wear. If Reilly knew anything about soccer, he’d know, even at the college and youth high competition levels, players warming up to go in (see Rick, soccer players warm up to go into the game because they’re not subbed out the next play like football or basketball) are permitted to jog the sidelines. Soccer is so fast paced, and players are rewarded for having great vision (peripheral and anticipatory), so if they see a team jersey hugging the side line, they’re likely to pass it there. I guess we could paint a thick white line on the side, like the NFL where 4x the amount of players on the field are observing the game from the sidelines. Or perhaps we could have the soccer subs where snazzy button off pants, like NBA players, so that when they come off the bench, they resemble a stripper about to make money. The bibs serve a purpose Rielly, and what’s wrong with working the luggage line for an airline?
3. Twinkie Fingered Goalie Gloves. I don’t even know what to say Reilly. Goalies generally wear shin guards, slide pants (that have padded hips, butt and thigh) and gloves. Players wear shin guards only. Professional soccer players can shoot the ball over 100 m.p.h. Reilly, stand in the 24’x8′ goal and see if you want LESS protection.
4. Vuvuzelas (again). Rick, you’re #1 and #4 whining complaints are the same. Yes, the soccer fan songs are charming. But you also chose to take a dig at the final scores of matches in this paragraph, so I will say to you what i say to all people who don’t seem to understand soccer, but can’t admit it so complain about the low scores. But don’t worry, I won’t be a soccer geek and drone on about the beauty of each play, how a pass in front of a player as opposed to behind them changes how the attack unfolds. I won’t go into the fact that television only shows part of the game, and how the players moving off the ball are just as important in creating space for attackers to run into. I won’t trouble you with explanations of an overlapping run, a dumby fake, or a puskas because i know it’s wasted on someone who (and here’s the money line) would be happier if each goal counted as 6 points then a penalty shot was taken for the seventh point. Come on, if you’re a longtime fan of the NFL, you’ve sat through plenty of 14-0 football games. Would it make you happier if each goal counted for more points?
5. All the Faking. Yes, I agree with you. I’m sick of players going down easy. I’m sick of wondering what Cristiano Ronaldo could have done had he not taken a dive. I’m sick of the referees not calling fouls, so the players over exaggerating everything, and I’m sick of how this aspect of the game seems to be one of the ONLY two things American sports seem to be incorporating into their games. For example, I sure did see a lot of faking going on in the NBA this season. The second calamity is the excessive celebration, but in the NFL it seems to be after every damn play. Like i want to watch men in tights dance.
6. The Yellow Card. Well Reilly, again, you’re just screaming, “look at me, i don’t understand the game.” You compare the yellow card to a 3rd grade punishment, then go on to ask how it would work in the NBA. Let’s address your initial whimpsical (sp?) notion that the punishment is childish. A cautionary yellow is given most often when a defending player attacks from behind. The reason for this is that serious knee injury, like ACL tears, most often happen from this type of aggressive take down. While one player lays on the ground in pain, possibly bleeding, possibly in need of surgery, I’m sure what one of the world’s oldest sports had in mind was, “let’s put a frowney face after their name.” Don’t be a jackass Reilly, two yellows and you’re ejected from the game before you seriously hurt someone. Now, if the NBA had the balls to institute such a rule to their pre-madonna superstars, then I’d say it would be all for the better. How many fouls does a player get before they’re ejected from an NBA game? Oh yeah, five.
7. Ties. Well you can’t get more American than to complain about ties. There HAS to be a winner and a loser. Well in this case, there is a whiner and a loser and i think they’re one in the same. You’re hurting the game by complaining about what is essentially something brilliant. On this given day, at this given time, these two clubs played an even match. It could be the worlds best against the worlds worst and on that particular day, they were even. What’s wrong with that? Where is the fault in that? It’s just so typically American to need to have a winner because Americans can’t see the larger picture. We’re so focused on the battle we forget about the war, yet we’re the ones always wanting to “get even.” It’s okay Rick, they’ll meet again, with different players, on a different day, in a different stadium, and history will write a new chapter. I’m sorry you were raised with the need to always have a winner, and thus a loser. I’m sorry those damn kids on that playground so many years ago wouldn’t let you play their reindeer games. It’s okay Rick, you’re safe now, deep down you know you’re a winner, so embrace that, breathe, and repeat the following three times, “it’s okay to tie a game.”
8. The World Cup (trophy). You’ve done it Reilly! You’ve insulted the very symbol of the World Cup! You’ve managed to grow donkey ears and a tail by saying that the tangible symbol of the world coming together for a peaceful competition is ugly. It could look like a giant turd for all I care, where else will you find 32 nations coming together for one month of competitive sports? The Olympics you say? But we’re good at that, so don’t criticize it…. well the summer games anyway. Look, the World Cup trophy is solid 18 carat gold and has people facing outward holding up the world. All nations with a soccer team have a fair shake at making it to the final round of 32 (except Ireland apparently), then after years of qualifiers, a month long battle of surviving the groups and dodging single elimination, one nation emerges with a soccer team superior to all others, and you want to insult the prize they receive. What a weenie.
9. Stoppage Time. Heavy sigh, and here I go. Reilly, the clock never stops. Unlike the NFL where we stop play every 7 seconds to “make a new plan in a neat little huddle” these marathon running athletes don’t get time outs and unlimited substitutes. They don’t get commercial breaks, rest while the offensive team is in, or the chance to catch their breath while someone takes free throws (ya know, the last 3 minutes of nearly every NBA game which actually lasts 15 minutes). Give me a break, other sports start and stop the clock so that 35% of the time you’re sitting there, the game isn’t even going on. Besides, the referee never stops play when a team is attacking so you’re example of Kaka getting a shot off will still happen. If a team wants to waste time they will. Or maybe now you ARE partial to injury time now that the US scored during it, and earned a birth into the second round because of it?
10. Vuvuzelas (again again). You obviously don’t have a great grasp of soccer, and you’re clearly not a true fan, so why are you writing about it? Come on Rick, join the rest of the world and learn how to appreciate the beautiful game. Watch a player give the ball then sprint 50 yards diagonal to receive a long ball from his team mate who just megged his opponent. Now watch how his first touch softly brings it back to earth in exactly the right place so that his second touch can be a finesse chip onto the head of a midfielder who just sprinted 60 yards down field in anticipation of his team mates long give and go. He leaps in the air pulls his chin to his chest then strikes the ball with his forehead – thrusting his neck out with such force that a diving goalie, parallel to the ground, cannot reach it as it crashes into the side of the net. But these few seconds only developed because of all the play that happened prior to it. Get it? No one stopped to call a huddle. No one got to use their hands. No one sent in a specialist. No one did a dance because they received a pass. No one ran out and wiped sweat off the ground. No one called timeout. No one went to a commercial. And no one thought it was easy. Tell me you can appreciate that Rick, and if not, then simply say so, and stop criticizing trivial things (like goalie gloves) and just enjoy the world cup for what it is – NO ONE THING. It’s ALL of it Rick, every pass, every run, every player, every juke, EVERYTHING and EVERYONE participating! Enjoy it, and try not to get distracted by what the subs are wearing – really, who cares?