In a Christianity Today interview, Gayle Haggard responds to questions about her decision to stay with her husband after his infidelity became public. I’m thankful the Haggard’s are together. While there are biblical grounds for divorce (Matthew 19:9), and Gayle Haggard had them, restoration is the goal to be pursued. The question of whether or not a couple should remain together is one I address in Unpacking Forgiveness.
At the same time, in this interview, Mrs. Haggard questions how their relationship to the church was handled. Consider her response to this question:
You spend a significant portion of the book explaining the way the overseers treated your family, asking you to break ties with New Life and move out of the state. How did you view the Christian community differently after what happened?
I was disappointed because I so believe in the church. I was disappointed that people started believing the worst about Ted and that we were cut off from our church, which wasn’t representative of our church at all as a body. We had a family, relational church, but others made that decision and separated us from the church. That was devastating to me. I felt that not only was I being ripped and ravaged in my relationship with my husband but just a few days later was told that I no longer belonged at the church, so I felt that I was being ripped and ravaged by the church, or certain leaders. That was as devastating to me as what was going on in my marriage. I was so invested in both in our marriage and in our church. That did shake me, and it was a dark time for me as I tried to process through. But God who is the gentle restorer walked me through it. I haven’t lost my passion for the church, but I want the church to be the church and to stop denying the power of the gospel in the lives of people. (Read the rest of the interview here.)
It is unfortunate that Mrs. Haggard is critical of how this was handled. As I talk about in Unpacking Forgiveness, forgiveness doesn’t mean the elimination of consequences. With the level of leadership that Ted Haggard accepted at his church, came a proportionate accountability. There is simply no way the Haggard’s could have continued in a relationship with that particular body without being a terrible distraction.
Further, given his disqualification, the Haggard’s should have realized in this situation that repentance submits to the process.
Some who know the situation better than I might counter, “It was a very flawed process.” Of course, it was a flawed process. Until Christ comes back, how the church does things will always be flawed. And, the leaders should be accountable. But, in this case, accountability and critique should not come from the leader (or the family of the leader) when he so grievously betrayed their trust.
Your thoughts? Is it the Haggard’s place to critical of the process, flawed as it may have been?
From Mrs. Haggards response, their family as a whole was disciplined by New Life Church. Should the discipline focus solely on Ted? It seems to me that the New Life congregation should have been there to support her and her children. If she denied to admit Ted did anything wrong, that would be a different story. I could then understand the discipline process being extended to other members of the Haggard family. How do you determine when a seemingly offended party (Mrs. Haggard) needs to be disciplined? Is she somewhat correct in saying that her friends were wrong in abandoning her? No I did not read the whole article so the answer I am looking for is probably in there. Seriously rushed for time, have to get Bryn in the bath.
Brad, I agree that the whole family should not have been disciplined. But, it was impossible for them to not suffer. They were roped to their father and leader and he jumped off a moral cliff. It was my impression at the time that the church and other leaders did reach out to the Haggard’s.
But, even if they did it wrong. I question if the Haggard’s should be the ones to critique the decision.
Thankful to hear that you are bathing your children.
Chris,
Thanks for this. ‘Tis amazing that I just saw this after submitting my latest post regarding forgiveness and consequences. Interesting alignment.
To answer the question you pose: No. The Haggards do not have the right to be critical. Unless the way in which New Life handled the discipline was unbiblical (and I do not believe it was), I do not think the Haggards (or anyone) have the right to question the methods of the disciplinary action imposed. In fact, I would propose that if the Haggards truly loved the church, they would have accepted without criticism the fact that their continued presence there would have been detrimental to the healing of that body.
How it affected Haggard’s wife seems to make this pretty complex. She was betrayed by her husband, then had to suffer the consequences of church discipline with him, even though she was innocent. I wonder if that is the context from which she speaks.
But it’s hard to fault the church for the measures it took, since the church was also wounded.
It doesn’t sound to me that she is criticizing Biblical discipline but unnecessary exclusion of wife and children from nurture and admonition of the church during their crisis. I have heard her speak during several interviews and have always been encouraged by her testimony. Her life and speech brings honor to the Lord.
I won’t address the church discipline issue, although I think New Life did a good job, but…personally, I feel very sorry for Gayle Hayggard. She is married to a master manipulator and liar who was so good at manipulating that he rose to the head of the National Association of Evangelicals while he was struggling with meth drug use and using the services of male prostitutes. Even after all these years it is still almost unbelievable to me that someone so highly respected was able to be so deceptive.
My personal experience being married to someone who was a manipulator and liar (and who was a church deacon before the law found out about his crimes) makes me believe that those people cannot change quickly. When they *do* allow the Holy Spirit to change them, it is often in very small, small ways because the sin is so deeply entrenched. Good Christian counseling does help, but it is even more helpful if those people avoid the limelight and live the rest of their lives quietly and without seeking power.
Gayle obviously loves Ted, and maybe even more so loves the Church and doesn’t want to hurt it with yet another failed marriage…but my personal belief is that, by staying with him and claiming he is all cured, she could just be helping Ted pull off one more con, one more manipulation. Image is everything to some people, and Ted Haggard strikes me as someone who is determined to be back on top and having people’s respect again. Instead of seeking other people’s respect, though, he would be much better of personally and spiritually by focusing on his own spiritual growth and needs.
Elizabeth, I think there is so much that pastors like me can learn from your words. I am thankful you shared them.