From the Q&A Appendix for Unpacking Forgiveness
Any parent of young children will have many opportunities to teach their children about forgiveness. Here a few brief tips;
Teach them to use the right words. The script is not that difficult.
“I am sorry [for the specific offense]. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?”
“Yes, I forgive you.”
Discourage the excuse words “if,” “but,” and “maybe.”[1]
“I am sorry if I hurt your feelings when I destroyed your Lego castle, but you wouldn’t play with me,” is not acceptable.
Stress that when something is forgiven, it is over.
Begin teaching your children at an early age that once forgiveness has taken place, the matter is settled and does not need to be brought up again.
Example, example, example.
As my aunt has told me, the first three steps to effective parenting are example, example, and example. One of the most important things a parent can do is to model repentance when it is appropriate. Show your children that you will own up to your sin without excuses, and ask for their forgiveness. I once had to ask my son Christopher for forgiveness. He was only 3 or 4 at the time. I had been grouchy at home, and I was convicted. I said, “Christopher, I am sorry that I was grouchy with you, will you please forgive me?”
Christopher responded, “It’s okay, Daddy. You didn’t mean to do it.”
I said, “No Christopher, I did mean to do it. Will you please forgive me?” He forgave me, and that was the end of it.
As resources go, the children’s curriculum titled The Young Peacemaker, written by Corlette Sande, is a great tool for teaching children about forgiveness. Janet Willis’ book, A Dad’s Delight, is a beautifully-illustrated book aimed at young children. You can order it from www.adadsdelight.org.
I remember well when raising my children that it gave me a renewed awareness of thinking and behaving in a Christian way with others.
My wife and I were pretty consistent with this. We owned up to our own mistakes with our kids. Now as adults, they follow that example well. We have never been afraid to be vulnerable and honest with our kids and it has born much awesome fruit. Thanks Chris. Great post.