Thom Rainer:
- Our aversion to small talk can make us appear rude. Okay, maybe we are rude. When someone asks us how we are doing, we really don’t believe most people want to know how we are doing. If someone tells us that they are so glad to see us, we have our doubts. As a result, our responses are often not warm or chatty.
- We value close friendships. We may do poorly connecting to tons of people, but we connect well to those we consider close friends. Indeed we tend to be extremely loyal. We introverts often process relationships mentally and emotionally. If we find a loyal friend, we treasure the relationship as a precious gift. If we perceive someone uses us or is disloyal to us, we struggle greatly with that person. Indeed some would say we have an “off switch” for those persons.
- We like to have a reason to talk. Some people are surprised to discover certain people are introverts because they have witnessed the introvert engaged in a lively conversation. When an introvert is truly engaged, he or she is talking about something that evokes his or her passion. It is a fallacy to say introverts don’t like to talk. We just like to have a meaningful purpose to our conversations.
- Meetings and public interaction don’t really bother us; long meetings and long public interaction do. Think of an introvert as an automobile with a tank of fuel. . . .
Read the rest here.
#s 7 and 4 are particularly true. I become worse than my children at long, wordy meetings.
There is also a great book by Susan Cain titled, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.”
I like the last one… I’ve heard so many parents talking about “curing” their kids from introversion or trying to force them to be more extroverted …makes me sad when I see that.
Gwen, I agree. It’s sad. And it won’t work! It won’t work at home. It won’t work at church.
I am very often misunderstood for this very reason. I am an introvert. Sometimes by the end of the day I will need to retreat into a peaceful place without others in order to refuel myself . But others can perceive this and other querks i have as rude.
Vicki, I think we need to intentionally try and teach people how to understand introverts. Learning some of these differences was one of the steepest learning curves for me in ministry.
It seems like much of the world (business, school, etc.) is designed for assertive, even aggressive, communication. The church can be this way too, and it is hard for introverts who then feel their gifts/strengths are not usable. Introverts can often do much better one-one-one, in smaller groups, or especially withdrawing to a lonely place to pray for large chunks of time.
I am an introvert and all of these ring true for me. I agree with Vicki at the end of a long hard day all I want to do is be left alone for a few minutes to recharge my batteries but I don’t like being left alone for a long period of time. I think you should do tips on extroverts too because I would really like to understand them better.