Should we forgive God when life seems to be unfair? What do you think?
I am in the process of writing a review of R.T. Kendall’s book, Totally Forgiving God: When it Seems He Has Betrayed You. Some of you may have noticed that Ed Stetzer posted the forward he wrote to Kendall’s book last week. I have a review copy of Kendall’s book and the idea of forgiving God is a subject I am thinking about anew.
Kendall defines forgiveness in this way:
Total forgiveness means letting everyone who has hurt us in any way off the hook. This includes God if we feel He has hurt us by allowing what He did (emphasis his, 179).
To be fair to Kendall, he is emphatic that God does not make mistakes. His goal is to encourage people who feel that God has betrayed them to forgive God.
I still have a lot of work to do on the review of Kendall’s book, but in the mean time, his title brings up an old question. Is it appropriate to forgive God? Kendall is by no means the first to suggest we should forgive God. In Unpacking Forgiveness I interacted with Lewis Smedes’s position who insisted that there are times when it is legitimate to forgive God. Smedes wrote:
Would it bother God too much if we found our peace by forgiving him for the wrongs we suffer? What if we found a way of forgiving him without blaming him? A special sort of forgiving for a special sort of relationship? Would he mind?
Smedes included the following as a part of his argument:
There is an old, old story about a tailor who leaves his prayers and, on the way out of the synagogue, meets a rabbi.
“Well what have you been doing in the synagogue, Lev Ashram?” the rabbi asks.
“I was saying prayers, rabbi.”
“Fine, and did you confess your sins?”
“Yes, rabbi, I confessed my little sins.”
“Your little sins?”
“Yes, I confessed that I sometimes cut my cloth on the short side, that I cheat on a yard of wool by a couple of inches.”
“You said that to God, Lev Ashram?”
“Yes, rabbi, and more. I said, ‘Lord, I cheat on pieces of cloth; you let babies die. But I am going to make you a deal. You forgive me my little sins and I’ll forgive you your big ones.’”
The Jewish tailor grabbed hold of God and held him to account.
Later, Smedes adds:
I think we may need to forgive God after all. Now and then, but not often. Not for his sake. For ours!
I will post my answer to the question, “Should we forgive God?” in the future. But, first, I’ll give you a chance. Should we forgive God? No quoting Unpacking Forgiveness yet – – let’s hear your thoughts.
No I don’t think we need to forgive God. The whole point of forgiveness is that we forgive someone who has sinned against us. God does not sin so we don’t have any reason to forgive God. God allows us to make very bad decisions. For reason I don’t understand children die but God did not sin in allowing these things to happen. I’m sure in many circumstances He never wanted a child to die or other horrible life experiences to happen.
How is forgiving a perfect God once in a while good for us and how do we determine those moments, hmmmmmm……..
The Fuller professor’s example is appalling. Two things, straight-up:
First, the notion does resonate emotionally. I went through a long period of depression during which, though I’d not likely have said so out loud (even to myself), my real feeling was that God had botched my life badly.
Second, it is sheer hubristic blasphemous unbelief. My way out of the depression involved repentance, not explanation as to why God’s ways made sense to me. I think the prophet’s univocal answer would amount to “No, you do not need to forgive God. You need to abandon your case against God, repent, and humble yourself in genuine faith.”
God is by definition always good, always righteous, always wise, and always right. We start with that. And we end with it.
Of course, it all leads to a discussion of the definition of forgiveness. Is forgiveness all about “me” and what I feel? Or, does it also involve a standard of justice and the relationship between two parties.
Is forgiveness at its core a feeling?
Or, is forgiveness something which happens between two parties?
Good thoughts so far.
I recently read Ann Voskamp’s book, “One Thousand Gifts” and find her approach of giving thanks…even when it seems impossibly hard,..a better way to frame this discussion. Our ability to accept from his hands even life’s most painful moments depends on our ability to look for his blessings, trust his unfailing love and goodness, and remain in a state of thanks. Over time, he gives us eyes to see the blessings even in what Voskamp’s calls ” the hard eucharisteo.”
That is an excellent thought Linda.
Mr. Phillips has it right. Wasn’t Job’s ultimate rescue from the valley of deep darkness a confrontation with his sinfulness and God’s holiness? Didn’t he really need to know that God is God and he is not? Job’s emotions were misinformed by his flesh.
Scott, Job is one of the passages that came to mind for me.
The idea that we need to forgive God at times, suggests that God could use some of man’s wise counsel on how to properly deal with interpersonal relationships. Isaiah is loaded with verses that state otherwise. Isaiah 40: 12-14 is among my favorites. Rather than “forgive” God maybe it is better stated that we need to trust God.
Chris,
I have been teaching an Adult Bible Fellowship series on forgiveness (15 weeks going on 16 now!) using your book as a primary source. Today we dealt briefly with the topic of forgiving God.
This is the process of trusting God that I’ve learned through my wife’s cancer journey: when believers are in pain, we must remember that God does not wrong those of us who trust him (Romans 8:28). He wills good for us – but he gets to define what “good” is, not us. His definition is in Romans 8:29 – being conformed to the image of his son. This can often be painful. God does not need to be forgiven for this, since it is not sin, but the pain is real.
A better word for what needs to happen, to deal with the pain, is reconciliation with God. In our study we defined reconciliation as the process by which two people reach agreement: about the past (the details of exactly what happened, and whether or not it was sin), about the present (about how people and relationships are now damaged as a result), and about the future (consequences, restitution, and other impacts to the ongoing relationship). If there was sin, the offender repents and the one wronged agrees to forgive.
Reconciliation with God means that we strive to bring our perception of the painful circumstances in line with his. Past: we agree that we haven’t been wronged, but he has ordered events for our good, based on his purposes and his definition of good. We affirm God has been faithful to us in the past. Present: we agree that the anger or estrangement with God that we felt as a result was sinful. Future: we agree to trust him to work out that good in his own way. We agree to wait for him to explain it all to us in his time. And we agree to seek opportunities to glorify him no matter what.
Dave,
Thanks for sharing your answer. And “Hi” to your class!
I am thankful for your courage and character in teaching at such a difficult time. Your answers are especially meaningful and wise in such a tough time.
Thanks, again, for sharing your thoughts.
Chris.
Dave – a LOT of wisdom there. Thank you for sharing.
Chris, I think Dave is my friend from Calvary! I ran into him and Chester Harris last fall at Panera. They were planning for their ABF and had your book with them. 🙂 Just thought you might like that connection. Dave and Rachel have done such an outstanding job of walking through pain and trial with three little boys in tow.
As for the other discussion, if I heard that someone ‘forgave’ me because they ‘felt’ I had let their baby die when I had done no such thing, I would be very offended.
Forgiving God…I relate this to a child that blames his or her father for what the child perceives as unfair or unjust. This is the relationship between God and His children, often we are demanding, unreasonable, and ultimately fallible. We forgive others, God, and even ourselves, ultimately for ourselves. It does not mean anything to anyone else. God patiently waits for us to mature and learn that most of what happens to us is stemmed from the will of man, including ourselves, not God’s will. While logically we have nothing to blame God for, forgiveness would seem a moot point, but we do it for ourselves. Having experienced this kind of anger, resentment, my own childish responses to life and it’s happenings, I found that I was angry at God for much of what happened – until I learned the difference between self will and God’s will. He gave us this free will to do good, but unfortunately to also do evil. It is within our capability. Therefore, while we stumble and fall repeatedly, God waits for us to come back and He embraces us as a parent would, unconditionally. So, go ahead and forgive God, because it is a necessary part of the healing process and God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free.
Not even worth consideration. The teaching of “forgiving God” is neither explicitly taught in scripture nor is it implied in principle. God has made no errors in anything that He has done. Therefore, forgiveness is not required. However, we need to be forgiven for our failure to love God with everything that we are.
Agreed – – thanks for stopping by Mike.
This ex-Christian Gentile has read and re-read Kushner’s more honest book on forgiving G-d, yet implied is a translation truth that might startle so many: the not-so-omnipotent and creator of ra, or moral evil (Yeshayahu 45:7), yes, G-d, is a sinner, too.
However, the Eternal can never be a sinner in the sense of pesha or willful transgression, or in the sense of avon or iniquity, but is very much one in the sense of chatah: missing the mark.
What can we of the image of G-d do about it? We can sulk in resentment, which the Eternal never intended for us in this life or the next, or we can be partners with the Incorporeal in refining and improving this world and, in the process, ourselves, as our Partner on the other side works day by day to earn and renew our trust. In the process, in those moments when we are not obligated to fulfill universal or covenant-specific commandments regarding our neighbour, it is important to thank G-d for the little things, things as little as nourishments after being nourished, and to appreciate the Eternal for the little miracles that happen every day and that should not be taken for granted.