Reading the below links, I have realized I am not the only one to be hurting over a daughter who has gone off to college.
Don’t get me wrong. We want our daughter to go to college. We’re proud of her for working so hard to receive scholarships. We are so excited for her opportunity for a liberal arts education. We know there are many parents who have lost children one way or another who would give anything to go through the pain of a college good-bye.
But wow is it hard! I looked up last night at the door to her room at a time when it normally would have been closed and the door was open and her room is empty. It hurt.
I vividly remember that when Jamie was expecting Allison, one of our friends said, “It won’t be long before your meals are interrupted by a crying baby.”
She should have told me, “It won’t be long before your baby goes to college.”
A few days ago when we left to take Allison to college, our nine year old walked out of the dedication service crying each step of the way. She was holding her older sister’s hand with tears running down her cheeks. It is how we all feel.
So I have been commiserating with other hurting parents, and reading the thoughts of wise people who have also seen their children off to college. Thankfully, there are some excellent links.
Favorite Links About the Pain of Sending a Child to College
My favorite link thus far has been a profound article by Jen Willkin, The Truth About Child Bearing. EVERY mother should read it. Here is one excerpt:
As the years unfold we begin to understand that we have been introduced to the great truth of pain in childbearing, a pain we naively believed would be confined to labor and delivery, but that visits us at every transition we nurture our children toward: the measured inhale, the steady exhale, the mighty push. And separation. Preschool. Kindergarten. Middle school. High school. College. Career. Marriage. With a familiar aching euphoria, we push them out—from safety and provision to separation and uncertainty. It feels like they would be safer just staying with us, as if safety were the greatest gift we could give them.
Read the whole thing here.
I’m with Barry York who wrote:
Though I have been through it before, and it’s coming was as sure as the seasons changing, I still was not able to fend off the sadness it brings.
I’m carrying around this strange grief because my bright, bouncy, beautiful daughter is no longer here, having been transported off to college last week. We’ve come again to that stage that all Christian parenting is inevitably heading toward. The child whose birth you witnessed, whose birthmarks you know, whose birthdays you celebrated, has moved out and will never live the same way under your roof again.
I know all the comforts that will be offered and even jokes that will be made, so do not bother writing them in the comment section. I’m a little touchy right now. . .
Read the rest here. (HT: David Murray)
Changing Rythms offers more insights to which Jamie and I can relate:
Yesterday, it occurred to me that in two weeks’ time, my youngest child will be off to university. Every now and then over the past few weeks, he has has provided me with reminders of this eventual day, count down style: “Mom, did you know that it’s only 20 days and I will be gone?”
I am not a mom who counts down the days to when her kids leave home for school. At least not at this point, anyway. With my kids off to school, a new rhythm has begun, the “come and go” rhythm.
When our kids were small, we had routine and rhythm.
Read the rest here. (HT: David Murray)
And while it does hurt — it is also sweet for my pretty wife and I to go to the place where Allison will be studying.
Chris, tears are running down my cheeks, there’s such a lump in my throat reading your words. It’s all so true. You wouldn’t want it any other way, but it is so hard. I remember that 9 hour drive home after we dropped Ryan off at college — Bob and I just trying to work through it; feeling so incredibly blessed that our lives have been so good, and that Ryan was living his dreams and using his wings, but so heartbroken at the same time, talking about raising him, all the memories, knowing he would be growing without us now and that our family would never be the same. My prayers are with all of you friends who are taking freshman to college for the first time this year (warning, it’s not a whole lot easier the second or third year, knowing they won’t be home many more summers). I’ll be doing that with my baby next year; in the meantime I’m savoring every minute with her.
Beautifully stated, Chris. We packed off our youngest (Caroline) to a university last weekend. Even though we had been through that process twice already with our older kids, neither one of us were prepared for the wellspring of emotion when it was time to hug her goodbye. After all, she’s the baby. I’d like to tell you that it will get easier with each child…but it doesn’t!
Chris,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. John and I are walking through this same season having left Hunter at Cedarville on Sunday. You wouldn’t want it any other way, but it still hurts.
Take Care
This is very moving. I may encourage my kids to flunk so I don’t have to endure this.
I agree with Mike! Sydney starts kindergarten tomorrow- I might just keep her home.
I send my “baby” to all day/every day Kindergarten in a few weeks. I don’t think I’ll tear up at the drop off, but come early afternoon I might (especially when Blayne (3) will be asking if we can go get him. When Nolan went to VBS we walked him there at 9:00 and then at 10:30 he asked if we were going to go get him.
Kristi – – every transition for us was hard. It always seemed like it was going so fast.
Pastor Chris,
Going away to college was more exciting than sad for me. Of course the good-byes were sad, but I never understood how difficult it was for my parents. I remember those phone conversations when her voice would start to break as we said goodbye, or the sweet e-mails from my dad (who was probably afraid his voice would crack when he called). Now as I sit next door to my baby girl and read your blog, I can’t stop the tears. I finally GET IT. What a GIFT children are. I’m sure in the blink of an eye, she’ll be going through many of the same milestones!