If you attend The Red Brick Church picking out presents for Father’s Day just got a whole lot easier. Complete the homework and come by my study early on Sunday. I am even supplying gift bags and tissue paper.
But I recognize that not everyone can attend our church. So I’m here to help you pick out the right kind of gift for your father.
I should say by way of explanation, that for years my wife complained that she finds it difficult to buy presents for me. Inasmuch, as there is no one easier than I am to pick out present for, I found this puzzling. And I have told her as much. Still she remained baffled. Now I realize that I should have taught her how to buy presents.
Here’s the principle. It’s all about verbs. If you identify manly verbs ,then you will easily pick out the presents. Of course, you want examples, so I am supplying the below table (table 1) to spark your thinking.
|
Manly Verb |
Possible Gifts |
Poor Choices |
| Kill | Roundup, Raid, Shotgun shells, snap traps | Live traps |
| Eat | Chocolate, Bacon, Ice Cream, Carmel Popcorn, Oreos | Celery, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower |
| Tape | Duct tape, guerilla tape | Scotch tape |
| Grease | WD-40, grease, gun grease, heavy weight motor oil | Vaseline, vegetable oil |
| Hammer | Hammer, vice grips, screw drivers | Knitting needles |
| Saw | Saw, hatchet, ax, chainsaw, power saw | Butter knife |
| Start stuff | Ether, Starter fluid, jumper cables | Books on dieting |
| Light | Matches, lighter, accelerant, gas, | A book on safety |
Recognizing that this still may not be enough to help you understand the male mind, I am including a Red Green video below which embodies the sort of ingenuity and resourcefulness which not only won the American West, but continues to help men with remodeling projects, plumbing problems, and various other challenges in life.
I have several comments on your list… First, I can’t think of a way to wrap ice cream. I don’t think the tape would stick to the frozen package. And you couldn’t put it in the freezer ahead of time without wrapping it. He might think it was just to eat–not his gift. Second: Duct Tape. I never imagined a day when the same gift would work equally well for a middle aged man and a fourth grade girl. Yet here we are. And third: the book on safety. Captain Safety, can one ever have too many of these? To guide others in their choices, of course.
Jamie, I guess you’re all set now. You can just buy up all the things listed–maybe cover one verb a year. 🙂 Happy Father’s Day, Chris. Thanks for enlightening all of us scrambling gift buyers regarding the masculine mind. It’s nice to finally have the confusion cleared up!
I hope Red Green knows Jesus. This is a great post, by far one of your best. Blog on, dude, you’re my new hero.
Thanks Scott. Trying not to sound self-promoting, I agree. Any time you can work both WD-40 and Red into the same post, then we’re on the right track.
Shannon – – -you need only hop on the hwy and see John M’qut. He’ll fix you up with a way to wrap the ice cream.
Yes, Jamie need only consult the list.
Only you and your mother would think of something like this!!!!
BB
I don’t know Bernadine, Robert was always pretty creative!
Chris, this is fantastic! Jamie HAS told me several times about your superior gift-buying ability, but I had no idea! 🙂 Thanks for the laughs…oh, and the tips too! 🙂