Practical advice from an experienced pastor in which we learn that marrying well is of first importance

Jamie is the heroine of this post.

Since I have now sojourned this earth considerably longer than Israel was in the wilderness, I am qualified to dispense advice. 

(1) If you ever get up to preach in front of a large group of people, in a metropolitan area quite a distance from home, and if you have a large set of car keys, then set them down before you go up, lest, they make a large bulge in your pocket. Or, worse yet, you jingle them absent mindedly and distract the audience.

Most of you wouldn’t know this, because you are not so wise in public speaking.

Fortunately, I am experienced and think of such things in advance of speaking, as I did on Thursday night.

(2) If you do set your keys down before you go up to speak, then put them somewhere they will be safe and where someone else will not grab them.

Most of you would have done this because you have developed beyond the intellectual age of an 8 year old. In contrast, while I have a somewhat sophisticated theology, I have the ability to keep track of things of a first grader and did not do this on Thursday night.

(3) If you do lose your keys after you speak, and you have to call your wife to drive a long distance to bring you keys (say to Milwaukee) late at night, then be sure you married a patient, godly woman who will not tell you to either hot wire the car or sleep on the street.

I did marry a wonderful wife.

So, I followed two of the three points.  But, having gotten home very late, I am not sure that I agree with the assessment that “Two out of three ain’t bad.”

P.S. Another piece of advice would not to set your keys down anywhere near pastor’s wives – – who might pick up the keys thinking they are her husbands – – which is what happened, another pastor’s wife saw the keys and picked them up.