Those who have raised teens or worked with them notice that young people often struggle with being too critical. Of course, not all teens sin in this area. But, many do, particularly those who have some God given critical thinking skills.
So, why do teens lean towards being inappropriately critical? Being critical often results from a combination of God-given discernment and insight combined with sinful pride and immaturity.
I liken it to giving a four year old little boy a razor sharp axe. The hope is that one day the boy will grow up to be a great lumberjack. But, in the mean time, he hasn’t learned how to properly use his tool and so he tends to try out his cutting edge on the dining room furniture
Similarly, young people often have sharp critical thinking skills. They can identify shortcomings with different teachers or programs. However, they have not yet developed the maturity to know when those weakness and short comings need not be pointed out, or when it is their place to say nothing about the weaknesses. Their pride has 20:20 vision where the faults of others are concerned. But, they are blind as a bat when asked to take a look at their own faults.
So, how do we help teen critics?
Our call as parents and pastors is to help young people see themselves more clearly in relationship to Christ. It is when we survey the Wondrous Cross on which the prince of glory died, that we pour contempt on all our pride. This can only be accomplished as we meet Christ in His Word. Our goal must be in an ongoing way to have Christ-centered homes that point our families to the wonder and glory of God. It is when we see God and all His greatness that we are humbled and less critical.
Why not read Isaiah 40 aloud as a family. You don’t need to explicitly relate it to someone being critical, or any other sin for that matter. Instead, lose yourself in the immensity of God – – “Do you not know, have you not heard, the LORD is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. . .” (Isaiah 40:28).
By the way – – isn’t it true that teens aren’t the only ones who struggle with a critical spirit?
This was a great reminder. I want to work on developing an environment of grace… where we all gather around the cross and remind each other of how gracious Christ has been to us.
Thanks for the question in the last line. It’s easy to say “Oh, those teens should …” and not remove the huge plank in our own eyes. They are simply the offspring or fruit of our generation and lives.
I’ve found working with teens and young adults that one reason they tend to have an inordinate high (or low) view of themselves is that they have not been challenged in life. Everything’s come easy, and suffering is a great hermeneutic for straightening out our thoughts on life.
Also, parents who model “faithless talking,” where we complain about things that don’t deserve to be issues in our lives (like traffic, weather, having to wait in line or anything else outside if our control). We take our eyes — and others’ with us — off the Cross of God’s immense Grace towards us, and place it in on the trivial. Thanks for the reminder.
Jeff,
The thoughts in your comment are probably more profound than my post. Thanks for helping challenge me as a parent.
I think parents also need to be especially careful in how they talk about people in authority. If parents talk disrespectfully about pastors, coaches or the president, should they be surprised when their children talk disrespect those in authority over them (their parents).
Thanks, Chris. There seem to be glimpses of IDENTITY in these discussions, for pride in its root is about a false view of God, self and circumstances (IMHO). Not believing God’s promises and trusting by faith that in His providence — in Jesus’ performance, God’s view of me, and His sending trials and temptations my way — is the good life.
Thinking about this as I taught middle schoolers a couple weeks back on Matthew 7:1-6 with three themes: hypocrisy, integrity, and mercy (empathy + action). We are to judge, but in a certain way: judging ourselves first. That is is not caught by my generation and younger is probably rooted in how they’ve seen it modeled for them by us and older.
Caveat: I struggle with a critical spirit and sarcasm every day. Seems it was one of our primary languages of communication in our family growing up.
(Now, of course, I’m an expert on parenting teens: my kids are 3 and younger. 🙂