Scott asked this question in a comment.
I know this has probably been covered elsewhere, but can we unpack the role of godly parents who have grown children that have walked away from the Lord.
A hypothetical (all too common one): college daughter chooses to cohabit with boyfriend. Gives ultimatum laced with bitterness. “Either you accept my lifestyle or have nothing to do with me.”
Is there a manner in which hurting parents may or should communicate the path to forgiveness? Should this be frequently repeated? Should estrangement be accepted? That is to say, if the daughter chooses to place unreasonable conditions on their relationship, should the parents find ways to stay connected (emails, calls, cards, and etc.)? How best can they show love, forgiveness, truth, holiness?
Finally, what absolutes are essential in such an arrangement?
First, if you read nothing else, read John and Abraham Piper’s post below.
Working through such a situation can only be done through biblical wisdom. Biblical wisdom doesn’t grow like weeds in the flower bed. We have to cultivate it through having our minds renewed in the Scripture, being with other believers, and hearing the Word preached. So, the first thing I would say to parents in such a situation (and there are many) – – – grow as a believer.
From there, several things should be wisely held in tension. This is a blog post – – not a book – – so this answer will be rough!
- Pray and ask others to pray. Don’t allow your own pride to prevent you from asking others to pray. Pray on your knees. Journal your prayers. Fast and pray. Walk and pray. Pray, pray, pray.
- Support your church if it works through church discipline with one of your children. Paraphrasing Bonhoeffer, there is nothing crueler than the “love” that consigns another to his or her sin. If your church is willing to confront your child, then don’t get upset about that. Praise God for godly leaders. Understand that such confrontation is precisely what God may use to bring your son or daughter back, though there may be anger in the short run (1 Cor 5:5, Matt 18, esp 15-18). Your pastors and elders won’t be perfect in the process. They will make mistakes – – we always do. But, God is pleased to use His church despite our imperfections.
- Keep a relationship with your son or daughter if at all possible. Always extend grace and love. E-mail. Send gifts. Pray for them.
- Do not make the sin the central issue of every conversation. Be clear. Warn them. As someone has said, “Choose to sin, choose to suffer.” Express concern. But, then, don’t continually bring it up. (I don’t have chapter and verse for this – -).
- Don’t make provision for the sin. If your child is involved in a wrong relationship, you may allow the other person to come to dinner. But, I wouldn’t allow them to sleep together in my home!
- Don’t enable the sin. Parents do their children no favors if they given them money to buy more drugs. Of course, giving a child over to the consequences of his or her sin is unbelievably difficult. You need the support of your local church!
- Grow your own marriage. The parents of rebellious children will know extra pressure on their marriage. Grow together in Christ. Don’t allow distance to grow because of tensions over a wayward child. Where there is distance and there are wounds, unpack forgiveness today – – I know of a book I would recommend on forgiveness. . .
**********************
John Piper and his son Abraham have written some excellent posts on this subject after Abraham’s time of rebellion.
My son Abraham, who speaks from the wisdom of experience and Scripture, has written the article that follows. I read it with tears and laughter. It is so compelling that I asked him immediately if I could share it with the church and the wider Christian community. There is no greater joy than to see your children walking in the truth—and expressing it so well. The rest is Abraham’s untouched. -John Piper
Many parents are brokenhearted and completely baffled by their unbelieving son or daughter. They have no clue why the child they raised well is making such awful, destructive decisions. I’ve never been one of these parents, but I have been one of these sons. Reflecting back on that experience, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child.
1. Point them to Christ.
Your rebellious child’s real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or pornography or laziness or crime or cussing or slovenliness or homosexuality or being in a punk rock band. The real problem is that they don’t see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for them—and the only reason to do any of the following suggestions—is to show them Christ. It is not a simple or immediate process, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will only begin to fade away when they see Jesus more like he actually is.
2. Pray.
Only God can save your son or daughter, so keep on asking that he will display himself to them in a way they can’t resist worshiping him for.
3. Acknowledge that something is wrong.
If your daughter rejects Jesus, don’t pretend everything is fine.
For every unbelieving child, the details will be different. Each one will require parents to reach out in unique ways. Never acceptable, however, is not reaching out at all. If your child is an unbeliever, don’t ignore it. Holidays might be easier, but eternity won’t be.
4. Don’t expect them to be Christ-like.
If your son is not a Christian, he’s not going to act like one.
You know that he has forsaken the faith, so don’t expect him to live by the standards you raised him with. For example, you might be tempted to say, “I know you’re struggling with believing in Jesus, but can’t you at least admit that getting wasted every day is sin?”
If he’s struggling to believe in Jesus, then there is very little significance in admitting that drunkenness is wrong. You want to protect him, yes. But his unbelief is the most dangerous problem—not partying. No matter how your child’s unbelief exemplifies itself in his behavior, always be sure to focus more on the heart’s sickness than its symptoms.
5. Welcome them home.
Because the deepest concern is not your child’s actions, but his heart, don’t create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, it is God giving you a chance to love him back to Jesus. Obviously there are some instances in which parents must give ultimatums: “Don’t come to this house if you are…” But these will be rare. Don’t lessen the likelihood of an opportunity to be with your child by too many rules.
If your daughter smells like weed or an ashtray, spray her jacket with Febreze and change the sheets when she leaves, but let her come home. If you find out she’s pregnant, then buy her folic acid, take her to her twenty-week ultrasound, protect her from Planned Parenthood, and by all means let her come home. If your son is broke because he spent all the money you lent him on loose women and ritzy liquor, then forgive his debt as you’ve been forgiven, don’t give him any more money, and let him come home. If he hasn’t been around for a week and a half because he’s been staying at his girlfriend’s—or boyfriend’s—apartment, plead with him not to go back, and let him come home.
6. Plead with them more than you rebuke them.
Be gentle in your disappointment.
What really concerns you is that your child is destroying herself, not that she’s breaking rules. Treat her in a way that makes this clear. She probably knows—especially if she was raised as a Christian—that what she’s doing is wrong. And she definitely knows you think it is. So she doesn’t need this pointed out. She needs to see how you are going to react to her evil. Your gentle forbearance and sorrowful hope will show her that you really do trust Jesus.
Her conscience can condemn her by itself. Parents ought to stand kindly and firmly, always living in the hope that they want their child to return to.
7. Connect them to believers who have better access to them.
There are two kinds of access that you may not have to your child: geographical and relational. If your wayward son lives far away, try to find a solid believer in his area and ask him to contact your son. This may seem nosy or stupid or embarrassing to him, but it’s worth it—especially if the believer you find can also relate to your son emotionally in a way you can’t.
Relational distance will also be a side effect of your child leaving the faith, so your relationship will be tenuous and should be protected if at all possible. But hard rebuke is still necessary.
This is where another believer who has emotional access to your son may be very helpful. If there is a believer who your son trusts and perhaps even enjoys being around, then that believer has a platform to tell your son—in a way he may actually pay attention to—that he’s being an idiot. This may sound harsh, but it’s a news flash we all need from time to time, and people we trust are usually the only ones who can package a painful rebuke so that it is a gift to us.
A lot of rebellious kids would do well to hear that they’re being fools—and it is rare that this can helpfully be pointed out by their parents—so try to keep other Christians in your kids lives.
Read the whole thing here.
Great tools…stay in touch, alot; growing in your own marriage in Christ and letting them see that through phone calls, e-mails, photos, visits, etc., and yes I have so often used that phrase: choose to sin, choose to suffer. When a daughter or son leaves home, and changes into someone you don’t know anymore, pray, pray, pray and stay as close as you can, as maybe some of what you are saying will stick. If you reject them, and they reject you, nothing good will happen. Kids, in my experience, can break our hearts in a second, and bring so much joy in another second, but we never ever give up on them.
What advice could be offered to parents who’ve chosen to break off ties with their rebellious, grown child for fear that their “reaching out” will be misconstrued as condoning their lifestyle? Do you see that as an ungracious spirit and, therefore, a compounding sin?
This probably sounds redundant. But, the first thing is to be involved in their local church. Then they can work through their decisions within the context of a relationship with their pastors/elders and other people to whom they are close.
It could be that breaking off relationships is an ungracious spirit. That question should be asked, and asked carefully. All our ways seem innocent to us (Prov 16:2) – – God only knows what was behind the decision. So, it should be re-examined.
But, there is a time when the relationship needs to be broken off. When I used to say that to people they would say, “Oh pastor, I would never do that.” Then I would be silent.
Now I say, “Oh you will. It’s a matter of when, not “if.””
Scott, what do you think?
I’ve been involved in a couple of situations where the decision to cutting or maintaining a relationship becomes a serious wedge between husband and wife.
Another real concern I have felt more significantly in recent years is the trend to be so busy that little if any connection to the church by far too many believers is developed. When a heartbreak like this one occurs these couples have no real support group. The more casual we are about the church family when times are good, the less we will feel connected to it when trials arise.
If I stand up on a sunday morning and ask, “How many of you have grown children living apart from godliness?” I’d guess a very large number of hands would go up. Yet, many of those parents feel alone and reason that their problem is unique.
Oh how I wish people would connect in significant ways when their families are just starting.
After reading through all of this, I noted that a common factor is the notion of an adult child who has rejected their faith and how believing parents may choose to possibly walk this out.
Keeping this as simplistic as possible, as it’s a bit more complex then what will be disclosed below …
We’ve recently had a falling out with our young adult daughter who, conversely, claims to share our faith. She has left our home and, essentially, has rejected our role and station as parents –or, at minimum, wishes to redefine it on her terms for this season of her life (she is just shy of nineteen).
Needless to say, we are not in agreement yet must accept the reality for what it is. To be perfectly candid: this is engendering real resentment and anger –among a wonderful constellation of other feelings– and I’m close to shutting down all relations with her period. Ironically, she would choose to maintain a kind of alternate-reality-status-quo and maintain a kind psudo child-parent relationship but this is just to insulting, if not difficult, for me take serious at this point.
Aspects of this are messy, confusing, unclear, opinions abound (some informed, others clueless) and we’re actually weary of even pursing pastoral council (though I suspect we may anyhow). Select friends are praying for us but we’ve purposefully kept the circle tight (for this round).
So, what advise would any offer for estranged and severed relations with a young adult child who, in turn, claims to share your faith? One who has effectively “fired” you of your role and station, left your home and is seeking to go her own way?
My biggest fear would be harboring real bitterness and resentment such that avenues of forgiveness become far and infrequent –at best. We realize that things are now very different and, for the immediate moment, we clearly need some space. However, going forward the road is not real clear …my flesh wants to recognize the woman for what it is, cut losses, move forward and never look back. As a follower of Christ, I suspect I may be called to a different path.
A long comment, I know: sincere thanks for any insight someone may offer.
Well, Darrell, I’m praying for you.
My advice may sound quaint and obvious but here it is anyway: Don’t do what you feel like doing. Do what you know is right.
In other words, be Biblical, protect your marriage, and rely upon your Christian friends. When you sin (and you will if you haven’t already) in this trial, quickly ask the Lord to forgive you.
This is an opportunity for you to grow deep in your trust in the Lord. Don’t waste it. Immerse yourself in Spurgeon or Piper or some other source of deep devotional writers. And, grow.
Since you’re a follower of Christ this will be the closest thing to Hell you’re likely to experience. But, from what I can gather from friends who’ve gone through this stuff, it feels like Hell (meant in the proverbial not profane sense).
We agree to this reference as being the closest thing to Hell here on this terra firma!!! We just met someone Christmas Eve who directed us to Warner’s, Purpose Driven Life. We are going to read and study this together.
Our daughter has been going through the gambit of sexual sins, drugs, booze, spent all her education funds on parties, drugs, etc, and we are going through the wringer of sorrow and deep despair as she indulges in all the unthinkable and self-destructive antics!!!
She has blamed us for her problems…interesting. Well, pain and sorrow…these have come into our home…but they will only be tools of His prfecting Love in our lives…and we hope to see it in hers.Thanks for this blog/web site!!!
Daniel and Louise – – I am so sorry to hear about your pain. I pray that the Lord will encourage you and also work in your daughter’s life.
Do you have a church home?
Dear Chris,
Yes, we do have a home church. It is as someone had mentioned in a previous blog…as if we are isolated. We know that He says He will never leave nor forsake us…and we know that also includes our daughter as well. We feel otherwise…but our walk is not a walk of feelings, but a walk of faith..and that is rough right now.
I read the blog where it was stated…the sin is not her problem, the actual problem lies in the fact that she does not really know Him!!! Yes, she gave her life to Him, yes she whole-heartedly asked to be a missionary for Him…Wrong friends, wrong choices…but somehow…somewhere down the road in her life, we believe she will meet Him face to face…And we believe that she will have a heart of compassion for those lost on that road she walks now…AND she will gain a real knowledge of WHO He really is.
Thank-you Chris…please continue to pray…we wish to know HIS heart in this matter….we do not wish to become embittered, but to become perfected and better for His service.
I did not mention that she had left home, and in anger nearly a year and a half ago…and she had fallen deeper and deeper into the ugly world of wrong choices. She has chosen to listen to the wisdom of this froward generation…”Do not listen to all those things your parents have taught you! Do what makes YOU happy!!!” We do not even recognize her anymore..we have often wondered who the alien is that has taken up residence in her.
Also, we had not heard from her for 3 weeks now…and do not know where she is. She does not wish to be found…She is an adult…22 years of age.
Thanks again…I am so happy that I happened upon this site.
I have other friends who live with not knowing how one of their children is . . .I pray that you will be able to sleep tonight. Even that is probably difficult.
The past two days have been unbearable. My husband and I have prayed…but the pain is incredibly hard. We are praying…this is hell to say the least. I wonder if she is happy with her lot in life at this time?
I am so sorry to hear that. I pray that you have someone with whom you can talk.
my husband and I can relate to all this very well. It is encouraging just to know that we aren’t the only ones going through this. Unfortunately we have two maybe three that are on this road all at once. Our 20 year old daughter and 18 year old son moved out to live with their boyfriend and girlfriend. Our hearts feel like they are totally broken. We have a great church family and wonderful people in our church to talk to and pray with us. My biggest recommendation to anyone it to reach out to other believers to talk to them and to pray with. I don’t know how we would do all this without their help and prayers.
Thank-you for those kind words. It seems that the people we have spoken to in the church are dumbfounded and have no idea how to help. They have prayed, but there seems to be a gulf so wide we cannot get the feeling of sincerity. Perhaps the reason for this is that we are in great agony, nothing may seem sincere.
I am contacting a “local” support group, which is 50 miles from here. I do not wish to endure those days we encountered last week, alone.
The greatest pain is the realization that she has been using drugs, along with alcohol..and this may have been the impetus that sent her running away from home two years ago.{along witht he boyfirend}
Hi,
My daughter moved in with her father when she was 14, now she is almost 30. Although she accepted Christ as her Savior and was baptised she now wants nothing to do with church and has been living with her boyfriend for 3 years. She is also very disrespectful towards me and has been for several years. I went to counseling with my pastor and he told me I had a “prodical”. My mom and I both wrote her letters and basically told her we were letting her go and that she could no longer be included in family gatherings until the situation changes and she is willing to repent. We attempted to try to maintain a relationship with her for years in spite of all the issues and she made things intolerable. This has been very hard to do but we have decided this is a God size job and we just want to get out of the way. In a way it has been a big relief to let Jesus take this burden. I am blessed with many Christian friends and family that love Christ. I know there will be people that think this is not the way to go. When I think of the prodigal son I am reminded that his father did not chase after him, he had to let him go. I pray that she will return to Christ but for now I think silence is the answer.
My heart is also broken. My adult daughter has always had a rebellious nature. She was married 2 years ago and she has now ended her marriage and continues to party as she has for the last 20 years. My husband and I are beside ourselves, knowing that if we approach her on her sinful behavior she will shut us out as she has so many times before. I spent Friday in disbelief, Saturday in self-pity, Sunday trying to understand that God is in control and that I must turn it over to him. However it was not until today (Monday) that I bagan to explore exactly what my Godly role as a mother is in all of this. I picked up a copy of Tom Holloday’s book “The Relationship Principals of Jesus” and spent most of the evening in prayer, in the first 3 sections of the book and in various scriptures. It is amazing how much clearer things are when we turn to God instead of leaning on our own understanding. It is so true that these Prodical children and their bahaviors are not about us. It is a rebellion against God. Jesus clearly tells us how to handle these difficult relationships in his manual – the Bible. The hurst is still there but my spirit is at peace knowing that I can put full trust in God. I will continue in prayer and scripture daily. As for my daughter, I am to show her the love, forgiveness, mercy and Truth of Jesus Christ and I know that I cannot do that if I react in the flesh and shut her out.
Janet, I am thankful for your mature approach. That doesn’t mean it is easy. But, I believe that God will bless your heart and spirit.
Well, there has been quite the gammot of emotions and thoughts as my husband and I have navigated throught he last four weeks of pure agony, of not knowing where our daughter is…and the nightmare of discovery of her drug abuse, which she had hidden until she had begun to show signs of abuse..stroke like symptoms.
We have been speaking with an intervention support group. They confirmed our concerns as to her drug abuse. Now, we are relieved..not that she is a user, but that now we know the reason for her irrational behaviors. Now, we have come to terms witht he situation, as painful as it is, but we are now able to move forward in prayer for her.
This is indeed, a “Jesus sized” crisis…and we are believeing Him for His Word…”I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him unto that day.” I especially have taken comfort in the Scripture that states He takes our tears and places them in a bottle, and at the time appointed..He will take those tears and water her dry parched ground. (I paraphrased that from Revelation verse.)
We are so thank-ful that He is walking beside her in all of this.
I too am deaing an 18 year old who just in the last three weeks has become so defiant and difficult. She is not to our knowledge using acohol or drugs but just defying reasonable expectations. She is a freshman in college and is now moving home to go to school locally. Our latest is she took her boyfriend back to college and saidd she’d be back before dark and then decided to spend the night and then refused to come home the next day when our family needed her help to transport a child. So we are reasonable parents and let her stay until the point we needed her and she wrote me a text saying she is not a little girl any more and is standing up for herself and that she refused to do what we asked. Wow-we pay for everything she has and does and suddenly because we ask for a little help… The degree of entitlement is beyond my imagination. She has pretty much stopped church in college. I dread having her live at home. How do you handle this with a 18 year old who is totally financially dependent. Do we tighten the reins and say you act responsible and we give you more leadway like we did in high school? I feel sad, sick, hurt just like everyone else in this situation. Compared to drugs, etc we are blessed. I do think she is not being sexually pure and that also breaks my heart. We did all the purity rings, trips to talk and listen to Dobson, videos on dangers and why sex in marriage is best, etc. I just am looking for some guidance on what to do. My goal is to have a relationship with her. I love her very much and so does her dad -so how do we balance not being walked all over and also treating her with some adult like attidues.
Gail – – I am sorry to hear about the pain you are going through. There aren’t any easy answers to your situation. I do think there is some comfort in knowing that you did try and teach your daughter in advance. It would be even worse if you had not done so.
The first thing to consider is whether or not you are truly involved in your local church. Of course, I have no idea, but so many people are trying to go through these things on their own, apart from the community of God’s people who will pray for them, and a pastor who will shepherd them through the valleys.
Ultimately, you may have to draw some careful boundaries with your daughter about expectations and them stick to them. She is an adult, and you do not want to enable her to be irresponsible. Of course, knowing what boundaries to draw, and how to draw them, takes the wisdom of Solomon.
Thanks. Yes we do have a good faith community at church and she has been on the prayer list. Thanks for the support and good site.
Blessings,
Gail
I am truly heartbroken for you as you are going through this time of trial. I have had a few eye openers since we first experienced our daughter’s first of many irrational outbursts of defiance two years ago.
In retrospect, I see those moments of her response to her own compromising of the values she had been raised in, and had accepted while growing up. Wrong friends, wrong choices…too much for her to handle. We are waiting her return to Christ, to His loving arms…and that she will realize there truly is NO condemnation and that He is truly forgiving..and so are we.
We are praying for you and your daughter..
God Bless you!!!
I have a 28 year old minister daughter that has met a women minister of which we do not approve. Since she met this person 2 yrs ago, she has been defiant, rebellious and difficult. She has not met her fiancial obligations. She has moved out and not telling us where she is staying. She has been to Jamaica (sent on a mission trip) by this minister woman. She was there by herself. She would not give us an address, contact number. She came back to states early and now living in our town but we still do not know where. She is under the leadership of someone I believe is running a cult like ministry. This is not right. I have a sick feeling in my stomach that my dtr fell in this trap. Her father left our family when she was 12. She has been to ministry school and given testimonies about how her dad leaving her was an experience that she could minister to young ladies in same situation as her. I am worried as she is very disrespectfull to me. I cannot get her to talk to a mentor on our behalf, her former youth pastors. She won’t listen. What should I do? Everyone at my church is praying. I am torn.
Sherry, I am sorry to hear of your struggle. And, I am sorry – -that there may not be anything you can do in the short run besides pray and get the wisdom of the people in your church. But, don’t minimize how much God can use both things. Choose the right men and women in your church, and get their prayer and support.
Sherry, I do pray that God will bless you and give you wisdom and discernment in every regard. I pray that the Lord will be with your daughter and that He will protect her and that she will make good decisions including being respectful to you.
Please pray for my son Who rebellious and plays rock music pray that good Lord may touch him and deliver him
Oliver
Oliver,
I pray that the Lord will work in the life of your son and family in a special way.
Chris.
PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR DAUGHTER , SHE WAS RAISED IN A CHRISTIAN HOME FOR 18 YEARS, THEM SHE GOT A BOY FRIEND AND HE TOLD HER THAT SHE WAS 18 AND COULD DO AS SHE PLEASED SHE STARTED HANGING WITH HIM AND THAT WAS WHEN OUR HELL STARTED AFTER 5 MONTHS THEY RAN AWAY AND MARRIED NOW IT WILL SOON BE 2 YEARS AND HE HAS CONTROLLED HER ALL THIS TIME AND SHE IS ONLY ALOUD TO BE AROUND HIS PEOPLE I HER MOTHER HAVE NOT TALKED TO HER SINCE OCT.2008 I MISS HER SO BADLY SHE IS OUR ONLY CHILD AND HE WONT LET US NEAR HER SHE WAS SUCH A WONDERFUL GIRL WE ARE ALL IN SHOCK, SHE DOES TALK TO HER DAD SOME NOT MUCH, OUR DAUGHTER HAS LET THIS PERSON HURT US SO BADLY WE HAVE A WONDERFUL CHURCH AND CHURCH FAMILY THAT PRAY FOR US BUT AS TIME GOES ON I THINK THEY ARE GETTING TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT HER OUR HEARTS ARE SO BROKEN, I WILL PRAY FOR ALL THE REST OF YOU AND GOD BE WITH ALL OUR CHILDREN THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS
Carol, I do pray that the Lord would be with your daughter in a a special way. I’m a parent and I can’t imagine how much that it hurts to not be able to talk to your daughter.
I am very, very thankful to hear that you have a church home.
THANK YOU CHRIS, YES IT IS VERY HARD TO NOT SEE OR TALK TO YOUR CHILD I AM SO SICK EVERY DAY NOT KNOWING IF SHE IS WELL , WE DO HAVE FAITH AND WE KNOW IN OUR HEARTS THAT OUR LORD IS KEEPING HER SAFE BUT WE BOTH MISS HER SO BADLY , WOULD YOU CHRIS TELL US YOUR OPINION IF WE SHOULD LEAVE HER ALONE AND PUT IT ALL IN GODS HANDS OR DO YOU THINK THAT GOD WANTS US TO STAY IN TOUCH, WE DO E-MAIL SOMETIMES , WE NEVER GET AN ANSWER, WE KNOW SOMEONE PICKS UP THE E-MAIL BUT WE ARE NOT SURE WHO, HE HAS CONVINCED OUR DAUGHTER ME ( HER MOTHER)IS A BAD PERSON HE HAS TOLD HIS FAMILY THAT HE SAVED HER FROM ME. THAT I AM MENTAL, AND A VERY CONTROLLING PERSON. HE ATTACKS ME WITH ALL HE HAS, I TRIED TO SEE MY GIRL BACK IN JAN. HE CALLED THE POLICE ON ME THAT BROKE MY HEART, I WAS HURT, BUT THE POLICE SAID MY DAUGHTER HAS TO BE THE ONE TO TELL ON HIM NOT ME, JUST A BIT ABOUT MY DAUGHTER SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN IN CHURCH AND SHE EXCEPTED CHRIST WHEN SHE WAS 9 YEARS OLD SHE TAUGHT CHILDREN CHURCH WHEN SHE WAS 13 AND SHE WORKED IN THE CHURCH OFFICE AT 18 YEARS OLD SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A LOVELY YOUNG LADY, A-B MOSTLY A IN SCHOOL SHE HAD HIGH DREAM’S THEM HE CAME PORTRAYING HIM SELF AS A CHRISTIAN HE SAID HE WAS A BAD BOY BUT THE LORD SAVED HIM. THAT IS HOW HE GOT IN MY HOUSE, I FELT I HAD TO BE A GOOD WITNESS, HE TRICK US AND NOW WE ARE PAYING FOR IT, ALL OF US, THIS IS THE KIND OF PEOPLES I TRIED TO PROTECT MY CHILD FROM THEN I LET MY GUARD DOWN. I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY ADVICE. THANK YOU GOD BLESS
Dear Carol,
If you read further up, our story is also here about our daughter. It is very similar to your tale of great heart ache..and grief.
Our family knows all too well what you are enduring. It is tough…and I understand especially when you feel that your church is so tired of hearing about your constant need for prayers for your daughter…AND for you and your husband. This sort of pain is at times..UNBEARABLE!!! It goes deep..and tears at your heart..and there is a big gaping hole in your hearts ,and your house no longer feels like a home!! EMPTY, EMPTY, EMPTY!!! The memories are painful…especially when I saw her first Bible on the dresser top.
I am speaking with our oldest daughter right now on the telephone, and I have just finished reading your story to her. She is relaying this to let you know that she is praying for your daughter!!!WE ALL ARE!!!
Our daughter has been through all that you have related..she is now about to marry this controlling character. This is a nightmare!! However,
Christ has our daughters in His hands…He is the One with the power and strength and authority to release our daughters from their {And ours also} walk in Hell. Keep praying as if her life depends on it!! And, believe me…it does. These ppl our daughters have hooked up with are master manipulators and need much prayer as well and help!!
Dan and Louise Kramer
THANK YOU DAN , LOUISE WE APPRECIATE YOUR PRAYERS, WE TOO WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,, AND EVERY ONE ON THIS WEB, I KNOW THE LORD WILL WAKE OUR CHILDREN IN HIS TIME. I WILL NEVER STOP PRAYING AND I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD HE SAID IN HIS WORD THAT HE WILL HELP US AND HE WILL HE KNOWS THE PERFECT TIME AND HE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR US ALL. I AGREE, THERE IS NO PAIN LIKE WHAT OUR CHILDREN CAN GIVE US, MY HEART HAS NEVER BEEN SO BROKEN AND I AM SO TRIED OF BEING SO SAD ALL THE TIME, BUT WITH THE LORD HE WILL GIVE US ALL THE STRENGTH WE NEED , WHEN I LOOK BACK AND SEE WHERE MY LORD HAS BROUGHT ME ITS AMAZING, AND I KNOW HE WONT LEAVE ME NOW.GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND GOD BE WITH OUR CHILDREN, IF IT IS HIS WILL IT WILL BE DONE, IN HIS SONS NAME JESUS CHRIST FOREVER EVER AMEN AMEN
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS, OUR DAUGHTER HAS BEEN CALLING AND SHE IS ASKING US HOW WE ARE AND TELLING US SHE LOVES US. SHE IS ONLY TALKING TO HER DAD AND HE TELLS ME WHAT SHE SAYS AND THAT IS OK, AT LEAST WE ARE HEARING FROM HER AND WE ARE PRAISING GOD AND WE KNOW SHE IS OK, ,, SHE IS ACTING LIKE HER OLD SELF,WE ARE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET BUT I THINK WE ARE ON OUR WAY ,, GOD IS TRUE TO HIS WORD I CAN FEEL IT ,, I JUST KNOW ALL OUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO BE FINE, AND GOD WILL SEE TO IT ,, GOD BLESS YOU ALL, I WILL KEEP PRAYING FOR US ALL, GOD IS SO GREAT,,,PRAY,PRAY,PRAY
Carol, I am very thankful to hear those answers to prayer. I pray that your daughter will continue to be in contact with you.
THANK YOU CHRIS, GOD IS SO GREAT, I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE WAITED SO LONG BUT NOW MUST BE GODS PERFECT TIME THINGS ARE LOOKING UP EVERY DAY, FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS I THOUGHT I HAD LOST MY ONLY CHILD, BUT OUR GOD IS SHOWING US THAT WE HAVEN’T LOST HER AT ALL, GOD HAS A PLAN AND WE MAY HAVE TO SUFFER FOR A WHILE, BUT HE IS TRUE TO HIS WORD, IT IS SO HARD TO KNOW THAT YOUR CHILD IS HURTING THERE SELF’S AND YOU CAN DO NOTHING, I THINK IT IS SO VERY SAD THAT OUR LAW TELL’S OUR CHILDREN THAT WHEN THEY TURN 18 THAT THEY ARE ADULT’S WHICH EVERY PARENT KNOW THEY ARE NOT,,,,,,MY DAUGHTER GOT IN WITH PEOPLE THAT CONVINCED HER THAT WHAT HER PARENTS RAISED HER BY WAS JUST OUR WAY OF CONTROLLING HER,,THE ONLY THING WE EVER DID AS PARENTS WERE TO LOVE AND PROTECT OUR CHILD AND TEACH HER RIGHT AND WRONG AND TO RAISE HER TO KNOW GOD, GOD IS NOW WAKING HER TO SEE AND WE PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME,, I WILL LOVE THE LORD FOREVER, WE GIVE HIM ALL THE GLORY FOR ALL OF IT, I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD NO MATTER WHAT AND I WILL NEVER STOP PRAYING FOR ALL OUR CHILDREN PRAY PRAY PRAY GOD BE WITH US ALL ALWAYS,,,,
THIS LADY AT MY CHURCH THAT I DON’T REALLY KNOW AND SHE DOESN’T KNOW ME, BUT FOR SOME REASON THIS PAST SUNDAY SHE CAME TO ME AND STARTED TALKING AND BEFORE I KNEW IT SHE WAS TELLING ME THAT SHE IS IN A VERY CONTROLLED MARRIAGE, SHE TOLD ME THINGS THAT SHOCKED ME, SHE SAID SHE WAS ONLY ALOUD TO COME TO CHURCH AND RIGHT BACK HOME AFTER, SHE CRIED, AND HE TOLD HER THAT SHE CAN’T PAY NO TITHE’S AND SHE CRIED AND I TOLD HER DON’T WORRY ABOUT THAT THE LORD KNOWS YOUR HEART,, MY HEART IS BROKEN FOR HER, SHE TOLD ME THINGS THAT I COULDN’T BELIEVE, LIKE SHE’S NOT ALOUD TO USE THE PHONE, OR USE THE COMPUTER, OR GO ANYWHERE, SHE SAID THAT HE DEGRADES HER ALWAYS,HE TALKS DOWN TO HER ALWAYS, HE TELLS HER THAT SHE IS NOT GOOD, YES SHE IS A CHRISTIAN,, SHE TOLD ME HE THINKS THAT HE IS GOD, HE GOES INTO FIT’S AND HE BREAK’S THING AND THROW’S STUFF, AND WHEN HE IS FINISH WITH HIS FIT HE ACTS LIKE NOTHING HAPPEN AND HE LIE’S TO HER ABOUT EVERYTHING, BELIEVE THIS ,, THIS LADY HAS BEEN MARRIED TO THIS MAN FOR 27 YEAR’S AND I THINK THAT OUR LORD IS WAKING HER UP AND SHE IS REACHING OUT FOR HELP, PLEASE PRAY FOR HER AND PRAY FOR THE LORD TO GUIDE ME TO HELP OR COMFORT HER, I AM NOT SURE WHAT THE LORD WANTS FROM ME, I DON’T KNOW WHY SHE CHOSE ME TO TELL ALL THIS TO,BUT SHE DID AND I WONT TURN MY BACK ON HER, PLEASE PRAY FOR HER I AM REALLY SCARED FOR HER,, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS,,,,,,,, MY HUSBAND WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL LAST WEEK AND OUR DAUGHTER CAME AND SEEN HIM AT THE HOSPITAL AND SHOWED INTEREST IN HIS HEALTH ( THAT IS THE FIRST IN ALMOST TWO YEARS) WE THINK OUR LORD IS WAKING HER UP TO AND SHE IS SEEING HER CONTROLLING HUSBAND FOR WHAT HE REALLY IS,, PRAISE OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN,,, THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS AND I AM PRAYING FOR US ALL AND ALL OUR CHILDREN,GOD BLESS
Thank-you for sharing this lady’s story of great need. We are sending prayers for her and the many others in that situation.
Our daughter came by to see us last Saturday!! Praise Him!!! She is having health problems, but we told her we would be praying for her for that matter and that we have been praying all along. We were so glad to see her. She is continuing her wedding plans with this not so nice fellow. Holding our breath.
Dan and Louise
DAN AND LOUISE I THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS AND I WILL KEEP PRAYING FOR YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOU BOTH AND ALSO YOUR (DAUGHTERS MAN) GOD BE WITH YOU ALL. I AM SO THANKFUL THAT YOUR DAUGHTER CAME BY PRAISE GOD!!!! LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL I KNOW IN MY HEART IF WE STAY IN THE WORD GOD WILL BRING US ALL THEW THIS,, I PRAY WE ALL STAY IN PRAY AND THAT OUR LORD WILL GIVE US THE STRENGTH WE NEED TO HELP OUR CHILDREN IF IT IS HIS WILL IT WILL BE DONE, IN HIS SONS NAME JESUS CHRIST AMEN AMEN
LOUISE, I JUST LOOKED AT WHAT I WROTE AND I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR CALLING YOUR DAUGHTER’S (PERSON) A MAN, HE ISN’T NO MAN IF HE WERE HE WOULDN’T BE PUTTING YOU ALL THREW ALL THIS HELL,SOMEONE DIDN’T TEACH THIS PERSON WHAT A MAN IS ,SAME AS MY SON-IN-LAW HE ISN’T A MAN , HE IS FAR FROM IT!!!!! A REAL MAN IS SOMEONE WHO IS GOOD AND KIND TO OTHERS AND CARE ABOUT THERE NEEDS NOT JUST HIS OWN, AND A REAL MAN WOULD BE ENCOURAGING OUR DAUGHTERS TO BE THE BEST PEOPLE THEY CAN BE NOT DISCOURAGING THEM. GOD BE WITH OUR DAUGHTER’S
WELL TODAY WAS NOT A GOOD DAY OUR DAUGHTER CALLED UPSET AND MY HUSBAND WANTED TO COMFORT HER SO HE ASK SOME QUESTIONS LIKE ARE YOU OK SHE GOT MAD AND HANG UP ON HIM, MY HUSBAND HAS A BAD HEART SO HE UPSETS EASY,,,AND HE JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL LAST WEEK,,,SHE DID CALL BACK AND SAID SHE WASN’T MAD , BUT ONLY AFTER I CALLED HER AND TOLD HER NOT TO HURT HIM LIKE THIS ,,,THE PAST TWO WEEKS SHE HAS CALLED AND TALK LIKE SHE WAS GOING TO LEAVE HER CONTROLLING HUSBAND OR LEAST BE A PART OF OUR FAMILY ,I MISS HER SO BADLY SOMETIMES I WONDER IS I WAS THE GOOD MOM I THOUGHT I WAS ,,I SEEN PIC OF HER ON HER MY SPACE SHE LOOKS SO HAPPY AND THAT IS WHAT I WANT FOR TO BE SAFE AND HAPPY,, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO PRAY ANYMORE I JUST SAY GOD IF IT YOUR WILL IT WILL BE DONE,, I WANT ME FAMILY RESTORE BUT I CANT SEE MUSH DIFFERENT THAN NOW OR TWO YEARS AGO I WANT MY LIFE BACK OR LEAST A LIFE WITH OUR FAMILY TOGETHER I WORRIED SO BADLY THAT MY HUSBAND WILL DIE BE FOR OUR FAMILY IS RESTORE I AM SOOY I MUST BE IN A WHINNY MOOD,, I KNOW OUR LOVE WILL TAKE OF ALL THIMGS FOR OUR GOOD PRAISE HIM FOR ALL HIS PROTECTION LOVE BLESSINGS AND PRAISE HIM FOR ALL OF IT IT AND WE ARE ALL HIS ANYWAY I GIVE HIM ALL THE GLORY AND HONOR FOR EVERYTHING AND IF IT IS HIS WILL IT WILL BE DONE IN HIS SONS NAME JESUS CHRIST FOREVER EVER AMEN AMEN
FORGIVE ME FOR THAT BAD NOTE I MISSPELLED, I HAVE BEEN VERY UPSET I AM SORRY, OUR DAUGHTER DID A TURN AROUND ON US YESTERDAY WE DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPY NOW SHE SAYS SHE LOVES HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING AND HOW GREAT HE IS I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE, I HAVE PRAYED SO HARD AND NOTHING IS REALLY CHANGING THE HARDER I PRAY THE BETTER IT IS FOR HIM AND THE WORST IT GET’S FOR US ,, I DO KNOW THAT SUFFERING IS A BLESSING, BUT I AM SO VERY TRIED,, I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT GOD WANTS ANYMORE, FIRST OF JULY IT WILL BE 2 YEARS I AM SO TRIED, WELL SHE IS CALLING MY HUSBAND AND WE DID FINE SOME THING OUT SO I GUESS I AM A LITTLE DOWN I MISS HER SO MUCH SOMETIMES I FILL LIKE SHE IS DEAD I HAVEN’T TALK TO HER SINCE OCT, 2008 THAT WAS WHEN SHE TOLD ME THAT HE SAID THAT SHE WASN’T ALOUD TO TALK OR COME AROUND ME MY HEART IS SO BROKEN I PRAY TO GOD IF I CAN’T HAVE HER BACK IN MY LIFE I PRAY GOD TAKES HER OUT OF MY MIND, I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT GIVES ANOTHER PERSON THE RIGHT TO COME INTO A GOOD FAMILY AND DESTROY IT, JUST FOR HIS OWN NEEDS, AND THERE IS NO LAW NO ONE TO HELP YOU JUST HAVE TO SET BACK AND WATCH ONE PERSON DESTROY ANOTHER, IT REALLY MAKES ME SICK, GOD BE WITH US ALL!!!!!!
Dear Daniel and Louise,
I just happened on your website this morning while searching for any Godly advice for my husband and I concerning our 28 yr. old daughter. As I read the articles above my heart goes out to these other parents. Our situation seems less dramatic then what I’ve read but the debth of the heart break is the same reality. The need for the intervention of the Holy Spirit is vital.
Our daughter has been raised in church all her life, we have always been in a leadership role and now over the past couple of years we have pastored a church. We have two daughters,they have seen and heard a lot of things growing up as the “preacher kids” n the churches we have attended. Our youngest is very confident and assured of herself and has found her own relationship in God. Our oldest daughter struggled with her self-image and has craved attention (good or bad) for most of her adult life. She regularly stays under the radar undetected for the most part – passively rebelling (if that were possible). She can be strong and stubborn in the decisions she makes, it really is all about her desires, at the expense of her husband and small children.She will go out of town visit friends/sister, vacation without her family. We pray for all her paths to lead first to God and then her home (family). Over the past couple of years she has lost most of her interest in church and us as parents. It seems that she has a real contempt for us.We were always a very close family, we tried protect both of our girls from the ramifications of living in a glass bowl. I’m sure it was still hard on them at times.
She will come to church with her family , but will either be texting her friends or talking/distracting herself from listening.We have encouraged her to try other wonderful churches in our community, they have no pressure from us to attend our church.
She has three amazing daughters, two were just water baptized , she herself works at a Christian School. This has become a source of irritation and conflict for her as she continues to harden her heart. This breaks our heart, kind of like we are grieving a real loss. So much more details between the lines.
I leave you with this word picture to describe how we feel: We liken it to a run in a pantyhose – the more you tug and pull or address the run the more it will run, if you choose to do nothing , guess what, it will run still. We feel our hands are tied. We have had open conversations with her, she did not want to listen so we stopped trying to reason and plead with her.
We love our family and thank God for His many blessings in our lives. We do not think of ourselves as above any trial we face, our hearts desire is to have God lead us through them as only He can do. Thank You for listening.
CINDY, MY HEART AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO YOUR FAMILY AND THOSE DARLING GRAND CHILDREN, THERE IS NO PAIN LIKE THE PAIN OUR CHILDREN CAN GIVE US, OUR DAUGHTER IS 20 AND MY HEART HURTS FOR HER SO BADLY, OUR LORD KNOWS ALL AND I KNOW THAT HE WILL PROTECT OUR CHILDREN ( I ALWAYS THOUGHT WE HAD TO WORRY SO MUCH WHEN THEY ARE LITTLE, BUT ITS MORE WORRY THE OLDER THEY) I KNOW GOD WILL HELP THEM FINE THERE WAY. GOD BLESS LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST,,,, GOD HAS A PATH FOR EACH ONE OF US AND AS HARD AS IT IS WE HAVE GOT TO TRUST IN HIM AND PRAY AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER, UNTIL THIS HAPPEN TO OUR FAMILY , I CAN’T BELIEVE THE FAMILY’S THAT GO THEW THIS VERY THING, GOD HELP US ALL AMEN AMEN
Dear Cindy,
I printed off your note and just completed reading it to my husband. We both wept. We understand and know what you were saying about “the depth of heartache”..and it indeed goes deep. There is no pain like it!! Yes, we have wrestled and prayed and wept..and yes, have continually been on our knees, seeking the aid of His Holy Spirit to intervene on our daughter’s behalf. You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned your one daughter who found her own relationship with Him..Praise HIm for that!!! Our youngest daughter had a relationship, and was baptized..and loved to worship Him. That was the story until she was 15. Her choice of wrong friends, bad choices all around, drugs, etc…turned her away from the church she loved and her family. We, like your family,are a very close and loving family. This saga has torn this entire family apart, needless to say. We are all broken hearted over this!!
She bolted out of here two years ago..and things grew more strained and more sorrowful after that. She has been living with her boyfriend for 6 months,but possibly longer than that…cleverly hiding the fact. However, I told her that her relationships with this young man will lead to nothing but heartache. He does not have a job, no driver’s license, no ambitions, and, has no respect for any authority figure. He has the signs of passive-aggression..and we are very concerned. He has no thought for Christ, and he has let us know he could care less about church, any church. We never forced the issue that they would have to attend our church..there are many other good ones, as you mentioned.
We wept at your analogy about the nylon stocking. Good one!!
Two weeks ago, my husband and I went to the altar…leaving her on the altar.
We,too, had encouraged her to attend another church, where there would be no pressure from being remembered, noticed, etc.
She is going to do what she is going to do…like your daughter..it will be our Lord Jesus Christ Who can alter her life..and that will be the only way she will turn. She is on the path of self-destruction, misery, and great sorrow.
At this time, we are attempting to come to terms to what is going on with her…leaving her in His hands..and gettting on with what He has for us to do.
We also love our family..we have 5 grown children, she is our youngest (23 years old). We thank God for the many blessings in our lives as well.
It is also our hearts’ desire to have Him lead us through this maze of sorrow, and allow Him to make us fruitful in all this.
Yes, Cindy..it is a grieving, unlike any other. You mourn for one who has lost her way, and for loss of close relationship. She is your daughter, part of you all, and as the Scriptures put it…if a member of His Body is hurting, the other members feel it as well.
I appreciated your note..and we are going to pray for your family and your lost daughter. He is faithful, Cindy…and He will leave the 99 secure sheep to gather the lost one in His loving arms. The wait is so long and painful, but He will gather her up!!!
May we add her and your family to our church’s prayrer list?
Anytime, Cindy..that is what the Body of Christ is for…God Bless you and your family during this time of grief and trial.
THINGS WERE LOOKING UP AND I GOT MY HOPES UP SO MUCH, THEM OUR DAUGHTER STOP CALLING OR TALKING TO US AGAIN I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPEN HE MUST HAVE FOUND I DONT KNOW I AM SO TRIED ITS BEEN ALMOST TWO YEARS ,, MY HEART IS SO BROKEN I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE I DONT WANT TO WHIN I KNOW YOU ALL ARE HURTING I FEEL LIKE I AM DIEING INSIDE I AM TRYING TO HOLD ON TO MY FAITH I MISS HER SO BADLY SHE IS ONLY 20 AND I WORRY SO MUCH I AM SO SICK I FELL LIKE I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO ITS BEEN SO LONG I FELL LIKE PEOPLE GRINGS WHEN THEY SEE ME COMING OR IF THEY DO SAY SOMETHING IT HURTS MY FEELINGS SHE IS MY CHILD AND I HAVE HAD PEOPLE SAY JUST MOVE ON FORGET ABOUT HER AND I WONT I LOVE HER SHE IS MY DAUGHTER AND I WILL NEVER STOP PRAYING FOR HER TO COME BACK SHE MAY BE 20 BUT SHE IS MY BABY AND I WANT HER IN MY LIFE I DONT WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT HER THANKS FOR PRAYING GOD BLESS YOU ALL I KNOW YOU ALL ARE LIVING IN THIS PAIN TO I WILL PRAY
Well it is 4 hours later and i am praying and i know in my heart our lord is going to take care of all our needs, praise his holy name JESUS CHRIST YOUR SON THE MASTER OF ALL THE GREAT I AM FOREVER AND EVER AMEN AMEN I PRAISE GOD THAT I EVEN HAVE A DAUGHTER TO CRY AND WORRY OVER SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO CHILDREN AT ALL AND I HAVE A BEAUTFUL SMART HEALTHY CHILDREN AND SHE IS GOING THEW SOME GROWING PAINS RIGHT NOW AND I KNOW THE LORD WILL HELP HER WORK THEW IT ALL, AND I KNOW THE LORD HAS A PLAN FOR US ALL AND I PRAISE GOD FOR THE STRENGTH HE IS GIVING ME A FEW HOURS AGO I THOUGHT I WAS LOSING MY MIND, NOW THE LORD HAS GIVING ME THE STRENGTH GO ON AND I PRAISE HIM FOR THAT THANK YOU FATHER IN HEAVEN FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE WHEN I REACH OUT , IF ITS YOUR WILL IT WILL BE DONE IN YOUR SONS NAME JESUS CHRIST AMEN AMEN
( FOR ME ) LET GO AND LET GOD,,,,,,
I LET GOD AND MY HUSBAND TALKED TO MY DAUGHTER TODAY ,PRAISE HIM WHAT AMAZING GOD WE HAVE
Carol, I am very thankful to hear that. Praise the Lord.
I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT OF THIS WEB SITE, IT HAS HELP ME SO MUCH TO BE ABLE TO TYPE MY FEELINGS AND TO KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE PRAYING, GOD BLESS YOU,, YOU ARE ALL IN MY PRAYERS,, I FEEL LIKE I AM FINALITY HEARING WHAT GOD WANT’S ME TO HEAR AND THAT IS THAT HE WOULD NEVER PUT ANYTHING ON ME THAT I WOULDN’T TAKE, THE DEVIL TELLS ME MANY TIME THAT I AM WEAK AND THAT GOD DOESN’T CARE FOR ME, I KNOW BETTER, THROUGH TRIAL’S YOU SHOULD REJOICE IN THE LORD FOR WHAT HE HAS GIVEN YOU, AND THE HARDSHIP HE HAS PUT ON ME I NEED TO TRUST HIM AND LET HIM HANDLE IT FOR ME AND PRAISE HIM, BECAUSE HE KNOW WHAT GOOD FOR ME . I HAVE BEEN A CHRISTIAN FOR TWENTY YEARS AND I KNOW ALL THIS THAT I JUST SAID BUT FOR SOME REASON I ACTUALITY JUST REALLY REALLY HEARD IT IN MY HEART LAST NIGHT, I REALLY REALLY GOT IT, I HAVE SUCH A DIFFERENT FEELING TODAY, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THIS DEAL WITH MY DAUGHTER, THAT I GAVE IT TO GOD AND I DID MANY TIMES WITH MY MOUTH BUT THE FEELING I AM HAVING TODAY I HAVE TRULY GIVEN IT TO HIM WITH MY HEART AND I FEEL I AM GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS I HAD A REALLY ROUGH TIME YESTERDAY, THE DEVIL HAS REALLY POUNDED ME ON THIS BUT I KNOW HE CAN ONLY DO THAT IF I LET HIM, AND I AM GOING TO LET GOD FIGHT HIM FOR ME AND I KNOW GOD WILL WIN PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME GOD IS SO GREAT I DON’T KNOW WHAT GREAT PLAN HE HAS FOR MY FAMILY BUT I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT IT WILL BE SOME THING GREAT BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH HE LOVES US HE GAVE HIS ONLY CHILD FOR ME, HOW AMAZING IS THAT
GOD BLESS YOU CHRIS YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON, THANK YOU LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST
I WANT TO PRAISE GOD FOR OUR CHURCH AND OUR CHRISTIAN FRIENDS, I JUST TALKED TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS AND SHE WAS SO COMFORTING TO ME AND LATELY THE DEVIL HAS MADE ME THINK MY CHURCH AND FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE SICK OF OF US AND OUR FAMILY SITUATION, AND IN THE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS GOD HAS SHOWED ME DIFFERENT, I HAVE BEEN SO WRONG, AND I PRAISE GOD HE HAS MADE ME SEE WHAT THE DEVIL CAN MAKE YOU THINK WHEN YOU ARE IN A STORM. WE PRAISE OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN FOR HIS GREAT SON JESUS CHRIST GOD BLESS ALL.
Daniel and Louise, Thank you for responding to my email. Your words were very comforting. It truly amazes me that as He comforts us, He then allows us to comfort others with the comfort we have recieved. I am sorry for your situation, I feel your heart and I KNOW without a shadow of doubt that God hears your prayers. “It shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear” (Isaiah 65:24).
A brief update, a situation transpired over the weekend that required us to respond concerning the situation with our oldest daughter. As hard as it was, we are glad that it was revealed as quickly as it did, these things can stay hidden for a long time. We have always seen exposure of sin as God’s grace and mercy in our lives. We would tell our girls as they were growing up that God loves them so much that when they would get caught doing something wrong, He was lovingly keeping them in the light where darkness could not and would not prevail.
Remember the analogy of the run in the stockings? Last night my husband and I had to take those hose and tied a knot in them…. we are now praying that the knot will hold! I must say it has left my husband and I a little shaken. We now have to love her and pray for her from a distance. Deception is an awful thing, it takes a lot discernment.
We would appreciate your prayers and your church prayers… she is in pivotal moment in her life, her decisions will impact her life , the lives of her husband and her children. We pray her heart makes a turn back to God!
Again, thank you guys for allowing me a place to down load, it helps so much! God Bless You Both!
CINDY,I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM PRAYING IN AGREEMENT WITH YOU FOR YOUR FAMILY AND MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND FAMILY, I KNOW YOUR PAIN, GOD BE WITH YOU ALL, PRAISE OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN, HE WILL WALK WITH US.
Cindy,
You are so very welcome. You voiced the depths of all our hearts when you cited that precious Scripture from Isaiah 65:24. We know all too well the piercing agony of the exposure of the sin in your daughter’s live…those things hidden will be revealed….good, bad, or indifferent. It is not for cruel intent on our Father’s part, but for the good of our rebellious children…to hopefully expedite a safe return to Him, and to their earthly fathers’ as well. {I think of the lost son and what he encountered..and how he returned after finding repentant heart within himself.}
My husband and I have done, and are doing, what you both are doing…is loving our daughter and praying for her from a distance. It has been left in His loving hands…There is a timing in Him, and a Season appointed for His answers to our petitions…
He is faithful, He is good, He does care for our children…and He knows exactly the what, the when, the how, and the where their return will be.
I have shared with our family as to what you and your husband had done with the runny nylons. We are going to do the same…We are praying for you both and your family..and your daughter’s family as well. I am praying for Him to reveal to each one His love and His heart in this time.
I appreciate your prayers, your sharing, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. God Bless you and your family during this incredibly painful time!! He will replace this pain and agony of soul with His peace. That is one of His promises.
Amazing answer to prayer.
After my last note explaining the climax of the situation with our oldest daughter, there was a swift righteous response on my husband’s and our youngest daughter’s part. I chose to stand back as they were handling the situation most appropriately and I did not want to get angry and then have the enemy use me as a distraction to her hearing the TRUTH.
The next couple days were difficult and silent, no phone calls, no texting etc. , just kept praying. Then came a bright light on her facebook entry, and here I leave you with the scripture she quoted: ” (her name) … is thankful Gods mercies are new every morning and when you repent he’s is faithful and forgives our sin”
Then this morning a “scoffer” made a remark back that she didn’t know my daughter was sooooo religious. Mr daughter responded back to her remark that… “True religion is about relationship versus just going through the motion. It’s an awesome thing. Anywho! I’m a preacher’s kiddo and so always been “spiritual” 🙂 have a blessed day all!
WOW! Now that brings tears to my heart! I wanted to share her own words, they were comfort to our hearts. We know that we cannot let up on our prayers for her now, we have to continue to pray for her TOTAL restoration mind, soul and spirit!
We will pray for your family as well. God has been so gracious to allow us this opportunity to encourage one another… that we would not give u, even in the times of what appears to be fruitlessness!
God can do in a second what we could not do in an entire lifetime!
God’s love for you and your family, Cindy
CINDY AND FAMILY ,PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME, I WAS SO THANKFUL TO HEAR YOUR GREAT BLESSING, I WILL KEEP YOU ALL IN MY PRAYERS , GOD IS SO GREAT GOD BLESS YOU ALL
PRAISE TO THE KING
I am desperately in need of some sound biblical advise. My husband has banished our 26 year old son who has recently went through some very difficult trials, and in the midst has gone off the deep end and is not living as he should, he has always strived to be a God fearing christian. My husband who is also a God fearing man, and faithful to his church and family, (I feel more faithful to the church than his family). My husband through out our 26 years of marriage and raising 5 children has always blamed me for any flaws to their character, because, “I have not been loyal to him with his place and his leadership and have not always supported his decisions of discipline”. I feel deep down to banish our son and be so harsh to him only puts him more in harms way, but I cannot convince my husband of this, he says my way of interpeting the scriptures is distorted. He basis his decision from the scriptures that refer to bringing a brother to the church and if he does not turn then he is to be removed from the church. Okay but does this scripture mean from you family, your father. Please any biblical advise any one has I sure could use.
KAYLEAN, I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND FAMILY GOD BE WITH YOU ALL, I WILL PRAY IN AGREEMENT WITH WHAT EVER YOU WANT GOD BLESS
PLEASE PRAY, MY DAUGHTER MAY BE CHANGING HER JOB AGAIN, WHEN SHE DOES THAT WE LOSE CONTACT SHE LET US KNOW LAST TIME ON HER MY SPACE AND SHE LET HIM THINK IT WAS BY MISTAKE, THAT MAY BE WHY SHE IS GOING TO A DIFFERENT JOB, HE WONT LET HER WORK AT ONE JOB TO LONG, SHE HAS HAD SEVEN JOB’S IN THE PAST TWO YEAR’S THAT WE KNOW ABOUT,,,,,,,, ALSO PLEASE KEEP PRAYING FOR THE LADY, THAT I SAID GOES TO MY CHURCH, WELL I HAVEN’T SEEN HER SINCE, SHE HAS NOT BEEN BACK TO CHURCH, I TALKED TO MY PASTOR ABOUT IT, WE HAVE NO WAY OF CONTACTING HER WE DON’T KNOW WHERE SHE IS, WE NO NOTHING ABOUT HER BUT OUR LORD DOES, PLEASE PRAY FOR HER SAFETY GOD BLESS YOU ALL YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS
Thank you for posting this article and comments to read. It does seem like we are alone in this two-year struggle with our 20 year old daughter who has rebelled against us and God. She wants a relationship with us only on her terms and gets very angry when things don’t go her way or when we say anything to her about our strained relationship. She has chosen the things of this world and enemies of Christ as her priority.
We do not have a support group nearby and are not connected to anyone in the large church we attend. We don’t even know where to start in getting connected. I stumbled upon this website and read this article. It seems like all of the people we know have grown children who are doing all they can to please the Lord. Nobody shares anything, but perhaps they have a situation I don’t know about.
Cindy,
Your story has encouraged me. I am a very pessimistic person and so desire to see the positive in this event in our lives.
For those who comment on this post – – be encouraged to the post I made this morning about a pastor and his wife who recently chose to end things.
Of course, on the one hand, it is a terribly discouraging story. But, I think it is important here to remind each of you to keep talking with others and praying.
The Johnson’s solution is no solution at all.
CHRIS THIS IS SO SAD, THERE IS NO HURT LIKE OUR CHILDREN CAN GIVE US AND SOME TIMES IT IS SO HARD TO HANG ON TO PRAYER AND THE WORD, YESTERDAY AT CHURCH I WAS TOLD BY A CLOSE FRIEND THAT NOW THERE 19 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER HAS LEFT WITH A 34 YEAR OLD MAN AND THEY ARE JUST SICK THEY THEY DON,T KNOW WHERE SHE IS SHE HAS A WONDERFUL FAMILY JUST LIKE OUR DAUGHTER,, CHRIS WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES THESE KID’S DO THIS? THESE KID’S ARE FROM GOOD , CARING, LOVING, CHRISTIAN HOME’S I JUST DON’T GET IT, I COULDN’T LIVE WITH ALL THIS WITHOUT JESUS, I PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME FOR GIVING ME THE STRENGTH I DON’T KNOW IF I WOULD BE HERE IF IT WEREN’T FOR OUR LORD,, THANK YOU FOR TELLING US THIS STORY OF THIS FAMILY BECAUSE THIS WILL HELP US ALL TO FIGHT THE EVIL ONE THAT MUCH MORE, AND HAVE FAITH IN THE LORD AND THE WORD AND I WANT TO PRAISE GOD FOR OUR CHURCH AND CHURCH FAMILY THEY ARE AMAZING WE COULD LIVE WITH OUT THEM,, PRAISE HIM ,, GOD BLESS
DIANE,IT DOES HELP SO MUCH TO BE CONNECTED WITH THE CHURCH, AND A GOOD PLACE TO START IS IN SUNDAY SCHOOL( THAT’S WHAT WE DID) YOU GET MORE PERSONAL IN A SMALLER GROUP, PEOPLE TALK A LITTLE MORE,AND TELL THING,S ABOUT THERE LIFE’S AND YOU WILL SEE WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING, ALSO CALL YOUR CHURCH OFFICE AND ASK ABOUT ABOUT THERE OUT REACHES OR WOMAN’S GROUP’S OR TELL THEN YOU WANT TO CONNECT WITH THE CHURCH MORE, YOU’LL BE SURPRISE CHURCH ALWAYS HAS LOT’S OF WAY’S TO CONNECT (MY HUSBAND AND I ARE DOING BIBLE SCHOOL THIS WEEK IT’S FUN AND YOU MEET LOT’S OF PEOPLE) AND WHEN YOU DO THAT YOU JUST START GETTING CLOSER TO SO MANY PEOPLE AND YOU WON’T FEEL ALONE ANY MORE ONCE YOU LET YOUR CHURCH FAMILY COMFORT YOU, AND I WILL TELL YOU I AM SURE THERE ARE LOT’S OF PEOPLE RIGHT THERE IN YOUR CHURCH THAT HAVE FAMILY HEART ACHE’S, IF PEOPLE LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM OUT ALONE SHOPPING OR WHAT EVER THEY MIGHT THINK THAT EVER THING IS JUST GREAT IN MY LIFE,, WELL, IN SUMMER OF 07 MY HUSBAND HAD TO GO ON DISABILITY ,, HE( 54 YEAR’S OLD) HAS BEEN DEALING WITH HEART DISEASES FOR THE PAST 7 YEAR’S AND OUR ONLY CHILD OUR LOVELY DAUGHTER RAN OFF WITH THIS PERSON( TO PUT IT KINDLY) AND THAT IS WHEN OUR HELL STARTED IN O7,, WE LOST OUR HOME, WE COULDN’T PAY FOR IT ANY LONGER, I COULDN’T WORK MY HUSBAND NEEDED AROUND THE CLOCK CARE, OF COURSE HE WAS FIRED FROM HIS JOB OF 25 YEAR’S AND ALL WE HAD WAS OUR SAVING’S WHICH WASN’T MUCH, MY HUSBAND HAD ANOTHER HEART ATTACK AND I ALMOST LOST HIM I HAD JUST LOST MY DAUGHTER TO THIS PERSON AND I ALMOST WENT OUT OF MY MIND, I WAS LOSING EVERYTHING THAT I LOVED AND MY HEART WAS DIEING, AND I WONDERED WHERE GOD WAS,IT TOOK AWHILE FOR ME TO GET THERE BUT I DID, ( HAD LOT’S OF PEOPLE PRAYING FOR ME AND I STILL DO) I STRONGLY BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYER, THEN I READ (JOB) IN THE BIBLE (KING JAMES V.) BUT I TURNED TO GOD AND I HUNG ON WITH ALL I HAD AND IT HASN’T BEEN EASY IT IS VERY,VERY HARD HARD ( CAUSE WE HAVE THE DEVIL AT US ALL THE TIME WHEN WE ARE IN A STORM) AND THE PAST TWO YEAR’S HAS BEEN AWFUL,WE ARE ONLY ABLE TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS WITH OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN WE FALL ALL THE TIME BUT OUR LORD IS RIGHT THERE TO PICK US UP WHEN WE REACH OUT TO HIM, PRAISE HIM, BUT WITH OUR GOD AND FAMILY, CHURCH AND CHRISTIAN FRIEND’S GOD HAS PUT AMAZING PEOPLE IN OUR LIFE’S AND I HAVE NEVER FELT CLOSER TO OUR LORD AND SAVIOR IN MY WHOLE CHRISTIAN WALK AS I HAVE IN THESE PAST TWO YEAR’S, MY DAUGHTER STILL DOESN’T TALK TO ME BUT GOD IS GOOD BECAUSE SHE TALK’S TO HER DAD AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK WHICH WE ARE GRATEFUL FOR, WE HAVE VERY LITTLE INCOME BUT THE LORD ALWAYS DOES SOMETHING WE PAY OUR BILL,S EVERY MONTH, WE EAT WELL, WE HAVE A ROOF OVER OUR HEAD’S AND MY HUSBAND IS SOME WHAT BETTER, I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ALL OF IT, IN HIS TIME AND HIS WAY.HE HAS A PLAN FOR US THAT IS GOOD FOR US (THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT I DON’T MISS MY GIRL MORE THAN WORD’S CAN SAY, BECAUSE I DO, I DIDN’T WRITE THIS FOR ANYONE TO FILL BAD FOR ME OR ANY THING LIKE THAT, I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THAT WE ARE NOT ALONE WE ALL HAVE A STORY, LIFE IS NOT EASY BUT I KNOW FOR ME I CAN DO MANY THING’S WHEN I TRUST OUR GOD. AND I AM NOT SAYING THAT IS ALWAYS EASY FOR ME, PRAISE HIM,, GOD GUIDED ME TO THIS WEB TO DRAW STRENGTH AND BY WRITING MY FEELING’S DOWN AND READING ALL OF YOURS.IT HAS BEEN A WONDERFUL BLESSING FOR ME, I WILL KEEP PRAYING FOR ALL, I PRAY WE ALL STAY STRONG IN THE WORD AND WE WILL ALL MEET IN HEAVEN AND LIVE IN GLORY WITH OUR MASTER, GOD BLESS,,,, IT’S ALL FOR HIS GLORY AND IT ALL BE LONG’S TO HIM AND IF IT’S HIS WILL IT WILL BE DONE, PRAISE
I am so glad that I found this website. Just reading that I am not alone gives me such comfort. Please pray for my situation. My 18 year old daughter has been rebellious since she was about seven years old. But in the end, she has always been repentant. She recently moved from our house to live with a woman who’s daughter my daughter started babysitting.
People who have known my daughter would be shocked to know how she acts at home. She’s worked with children at church since she was about 12 years old, she volunteers to help out at a lot of church functions, and she is praised as being one of the most responsible workers.
Because of this, I don’t feel comfortable confiding in people at church. One of her great qualities IS her helpful nature, at least with people outside immediate family.
She has caused much strife in our household for many years. I’ve really thought about what my part in this could be.
When this daughter, my oldest of three children — all girls, was young, I heard a Christian speaker say that parents are their children’s first example of who God is, when they are too young to be able to understand the concept of God. I was really struck by that, and have tried so show God’s mercy. Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough consequences for her through the years.
I can honestly say that my intentions were good and loving. Unfortunately, tho, my balance of mercy/consequences was way off.
Recently I have gotten the impression that the only reason my daughter would apologize to us after having treated us with TOTAL disrespect was so she could use our car. My suspicions seem to have been confirmed in the past week and a half. We sold her our car a week and a half ago, and she has been more vile than ever, and completely unrepentant.
She seemed to have gotten much, much worse when our family started helping out a girl, now 17, from our church. We saw a lot of the adults from church treat her horribly, while their own children were extremely ungodly. We know that she has caused problems, we don’t know what those problems were, but we held her to a high standard while she was with our family.
I do not blame this girl…she has grown up in a horrible situation. But my daughter should know better.
I ask for prayer. I would also like some advice. We have told her that she needs to take all of her things from our house, which she has done. Yesterday, while she was getting her stuff, I told her that if she’d ever like to sit down with her father and I and see if we could work something out, we would love to do that. The four times I told her that in the hour or so that she was here, her response was always a vicious remark.
What I would like to know is this…Chris, should I send her a card once in a while just to say we love her? I’m really afraid of rejection, especially since I always put such a high importance on being the best mom I could be, constantly going to God and to others for input and wisdom on how to improve. I know that this is bigger than my pain, but would sending the card give the message that we’ll accept her abuse of my husband and me, and of her two younger sisters(who, by the way, tho they are loyal and loving, have said she has always been mean to them, and is getting worse since this new girl has come into our lives, and they aren’t sad that we may not be seeing her — this shocked me…I thot they’d be sad).
Or should I accept her rejection of us, let her go her way, and pray and wait for her, I hope, return?
I do want her to know that she always has us as her family if she wants, but that any future relationship with us has to come with her treating us with respect, which we have always strived to show her.
What would you suggest, Chris, and others who are experiencing this?
Thank you, all. Sorry this is so long, but this is very new and unbelievable to us.
Hi Amy. In the first place, you know that I know very little about your situation. So, you must take what I say for what it is worth. I am thankful for your humility and love and concern for your daughter. I pray that God will strengthen you in your inner being (Ephesians 3:14-21) and that you will know the fullness of His love.
It is my strong inclination that you should send your daughter cards. There is no danger that you have not drawn firm lines with her. After all, you have had her move out. I think parents should continue to offer their children love. If you do allow her to move home – – which at some point she may well ask – – then you can continue to establish firm guidelines with her.
I understand why you have been hesitant to share with your church. But, I think it is important to get their prayer support, especially your pastor’s.
Amy, I am sorry that you have had to walk through such a deep valley. Look to Christ and His word.
AMY , I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER AND FAMILY ARE IN MY PRAYERS, MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU , I KNOW YOUR PAIN, GOD BLESS YOU, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL,,, AND REMENBER YOU ARE NEVER ALONE,GOD IS ALWAYS WITH US, AND PEOPLE ON THIS WEB CARE, IT HELP’S TO WRITE YOUR FEELING AND KNOW THAT SOME WILL READ THEN AND PRAY. YOUR DAUGHTER SOUND’S A LOT LIKE MINE, SO EVERY ONE WAS SHOCKED WHEN THIS HAPPEN TO HER,THE BEST THING THAT MY HUSBAND AND I DID WAS TO TALK TO OUR PASTOR AND CHURCH FRIEND’S, AND NOW THEY KNOW AND THEY ARE SUCH A BLESSING AND COMFORT, I ALWAYS HAVE SOME ONE TO TALK TO ,,I FOUND OUT WHEN YOU TALK THEN OTHER,S TALK BACK WITH THERE OWN HEART BREAK’S THAT YOU DIDN’T KNOW THEY HAD ,,YES WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING,, GOD BE WITH YOU ALL,, IN HIS SON’S NAME JESUS CHRIST
Carol,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. You have certainly been through a lot, too. My husband got laid off, and we have been struggling too. We have gone through quite a bit of loss in the last couple of years financially as well, but nothing comes close to the pain of a daughter making the choices you know will hurt them.
You have done well with your support system. We have friends who will listen, yet we are struggling to find the connections. You have encouraged me to know there are others out there who truly care about your situation and some who can even relate. I guess people in my life must look in on us and think we have it all together as well. It shows me that in every family there are hurts of some sort, but God is on the throne, and He sees and hears us in our darkest hour.
Thanks,
Diane
Thank you, Chris and Carol, for your advice and words of encouragement. After reading your advice, Chris, I called a friend from church, told her the basics of our situation, and asked her to pray. Then, today, I called another church friend and did the same. I’m very thankful for the advice, and glad to know there are others praying for us.
I was also going to let you know that I would start sending my daughter an occasional card, just to let her know that we love her and are praying for her.
But today my husband saw our daughter at a family get-together. We knew that she had gotten a new cell phone number(there is no home number where she lives), and he asked her for it, in case we needed to get a hold of her in an emergency. She told him that she wasn’t sure she wanted to give it to him.
Now, again, I don’t know what to do…do we still send an occasional card, tho she’s made it clear she doesn’t even want us to be able to contact her? I’m so angry about this, knowing that if someone in our family had an emergency, she wouldn’t even want to know.
We’ve always been there for her, even when she wasn’t treating us well. We felt we should demonstrate God’s love no matter how she treated us.
Also, I don’t know what to do about another situation, now that this has happened with the phone. She recently bought our car from us. Even that was done because she was about to spend all of her savings on a vehicle with 155,000 miles on it. We were worried about that, so, since we’d been thinking about getting a smaller car anyway, we sold her our car. We don’t have a lot of money, but sold it to her for $2000 to over $4000 less than what she could have bought it for from someone else. It was important to us that she have a safe, reliable car, and that she wouldn’t have to replace it in the near future, with no money left to do that.
Anyway, our pink slip should be getting to us within a few weeks, we’ll need to go to DMV with her and sign it over to her(per DMV employee’s instructions). At this point, and after this latest snub, I feel like not ever letting her know about the pink slip(I could mail her a note to let her know that I received it). Of course, the Bible says to be angry, but do NOT sin.
I feel that not telling her about it would be a sin. On the other hand, I think that our going out of our way for her while she has treated us like dirt, has helped cause this problem.
Again, there is so much more to this whole situation, but, with the information I’ve written, what is your advice. I think that this cell phone situation has taken away my hurt…I’m just angry.
I’m just tired of the abuse, while we’ve shown her patience, love, and been generous with her. I feel like telling her that she can figure things out on her own, unless someday she decides she can be respectful to us…then we’d love to work things out.
By the way, we sold her our car less than two weeks ago, and that’s when she turned completely vile toward us. That also seems to be when that girl who came into our lives seemed to take our daughter over…constantly having our daughter drive her places. My daughter has also spent a lot of money on this girl, and a concerned relative told us that last night my daughter was texting this girl, while the 2-year-old and 5-year-old she was in charge of were left to play outside in a dangerous neighborhood. Fortunately, a cousin went out and stayed with them.
I afraid on so many levels here. It may sound like I’m just listing complaints about my daughter, but it’s not meant to be that. It’s just that, even tho my daughter’s strong will has tested our patience since she was about 7 years old, she’s changed into a different person since this girl came into our lives, and become COMPLETELY vile toward us since she has a car.
Please pray and give me your thoughts. I want God’s wisdom, but I’m afraid my emotions will blind me to His will.
Thank you.
Amy, the book I wrote, Unpacking Forgiveness, may help you sort through some of these issues.
I tend to think that you should follow through on the car arrangement without another word about it. It will not help to exchange blows, as it were – – though, I know that is certainly not your intent – – I think it would come across as retaliatory.
Soon enough, I suspect, your daughter will come back looking for additional help and consequences will become all too apparent to her. It is essential that you show her grace at every turn.
You can be assured from a post I just put up today on my blog that you are not alone in going through great pain over your daughter.
DIANE, JUST LETTING YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS, HANG IN THERE, WE WILL ALL HANG TOGETHER, AND PRAY FOR EACH OTHER, I JUST KNOW THE LORD WILL TAKE CARE OF OUR GIRL’S, AND THEY WILL WAKE UP AND SEE HOW MUCH WE LOVE THEM,,, I SEND MY DAUGHTER AN E-MAIL ONCE A WEEK TO SAY I LOVE YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU,, SHE ALWAYS PICK’S IT UP, SHE HAS NEVER DELETED IT,, I THINK SENDING A CARD IS A GOOD THING,,, I HAVE DONE EVERY THING I KNOW TO DO AND IT DIDN’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE,, SO NOW IT IS IN THE LORD’S HAND’S AND I AM JUST QUITE,(OR I TRY TO BE ) SHE WILL COME TO ME WHEN SHE IS READILY,, WAITING IS THE HARDEST,
AMY ,I SEND MY DAUGHTER AN E-MAIL EVERY WEEK TO SAY I LOVE YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU,, SHE PICK’S IT UP EVERY TIME, SHE HAS NEVER DELETED IT, WE HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO USE A LITTLE BAIT,, LIKE A GIFT, MY DAUGHTER NEVER TURN’S DOWN A GIFT, THAT WAY HER DAD CAN SEE HER FACE TO FACE TO BE SURE SHE IS OK, AND IF WE SEND HIM A LITTLE SOMETHING IT REALLY WORK’S WELL, THEY DON’T DESERVE ANY THING FOR ALL THE DISRESPECT THEY GIVE US, IT’S NOT REALLY FOR THEM IT IS FOR US IT BRINGS A LITTLE PEACE TO OUR HEART’S TO SEE HER FACE TO FACE AND KNOW SHE IS OK, AND IF A PLATE OF COOKIES OR WHAT EVER CAN GIVE MY HUSBAND AND I A LITTLE PEACE IT IS WORTH IT, MY DAUGHTER IS IN A VERY CONTROLLED SITUATION, AND ONCE SHE WHISPERED IN MY HUSBAND’S EAR AND TOLD HIM DON’T WORRY IT WILL ALL BE OK, YOUR IN MY PRAYERS GOD BLESS
Bless God. Bless God. I got up early this morning searching for prayers for a rebellious daughter and came across this page. So many hurting mothers out there…. so many daughters prefering to turn from so much love and care that it boggles the mind. I will return and request prayer for my situation as at times I feel bitterness setting in. I pray often and believe God’s word ….For I know the plany I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm, plans of hope and a future.
Like my many sisters, I hurt deeply when my 27 year old flaunts her self infront of her husband “because he can’t tell me what to do” while she goes off with her friends. She has two beautiful children whom we all love very much and would do anything for them.
Her traits of manipulation, deception scares me. I don’t think there is anything else I can do for my daughter but losing her to the world and ungodly friends pains me deeply.
I will continue to stay under the shadow of the almighty for he is faithful and he will keep us. There’s so much of my agony in the stories above…… But please pray for my family especially my 27 year old who is slidding down a slippery path of destruction.
Today as I reread these messages, and prayed for the families involved, I realized that there was one more basic piece of information that I left out about my daughter…and I noticed that a couple of other families’ situations have this same characteristic: My daughter obviously thinks she is doing nothing wrong, biblically.
This especially scares me, because she can fool herself into destruction.
She tells me that she’s talked to several Christians(I know only one of them), and they all agree with her. But the one person who I know has relayed what my daughter’s told her about a couple of things, and my daughter has only told tiny parts about what is actually happening. I was shocked at what I heard…and this person was shocked to hear the rest of the story, and what was left out of the one situation we discussed. I don’t blame those people for encouraging her to continue doing what she’s doing…if what she has been saying was the truth and the whole truth, she WOULD be right, and we would be wrong.
I’ve been telling my kids for years that if you lie, you, to justify it as a Christian, can start to believe the lie yourself. I’m afraid that is what’s happening here. She started telling half-truths to make her own choices look righteous, then Christian after Christian tells her she’s right.
I believe that she probably now has herself completely fooled, which really scares me…if she doesn’t see the truth, if she tells herself that she’s being godly, and if other Christians, ignorant of the whole truth, are telling her she’s doing the right thing, there’s no turning back until something awful happens with dire consequences.
Please pray that God will shine light on the truth, both to HER eyes, and to the eyes of the Christians she’s talking to, and about the control this new friend in her life is having. If she is forced to see the truth, she’ll have to either admit and change her thinking and her ways, or she’ll have to make a conscious decision to disobey God.
Thank you all for your prayers, and know that I will daily pray for your families.
AMY, I WILL TELL YOU MY DAUGHTER LIE’S ABOUT EVERY THING, HE PUT’S HER UP TO LIE TO US ALWAYS , WE NEVER KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE, THEY BOTH HAVE LIED SO MUCH, THAT I THINK THEY BELIEVE ALL OF IT,AND I HAVE HAD PEOPLE BELIEVE THEM, IN MY OWN FAMILY AT TIMES, THEY DON’T NOW THANK GOD, (AND I DON’T THINK MY DAUGHTER BELIEVES THIS JUNK ANY MORE, EVERY TIME SHE CALLS MY HUSBAND BEFORE SHE HANGS UP SHE SAYS TELL MOM HI AND I LOVE HER, BE CAUSE HER HUSBAND WON’T LET HER TALK TO ME,WE ARE JUST THANKFUL SHE CAN CALL HER DAD THAT KEEP’S US IN TOUCH AND I KNOW IN MY HEART SHE HAS GOT TO GET STRONG AND STAND UP TO HIM, AND SHE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN DO IT, SHE HAS TO, WE ARE WAITING FOR HER WHEN SHE IS READILY, WE ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR HER, SOME TIMES WHAT THEY SAY SOUND’S VERY CONVINCING,SHE IS TOLD WHAT TO SAY, SHE DOES WHAT SHE IS TOLD OUT OF FEAR, SAD ISN’T IT, MY DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBAND HAS TOLD PEOPLE, I (HER MOTHER) AM MENTAL, CONTROLLING, ABUSIVE, BAD MOTHER , BAD WIFE, I LIE,I AM FAKE, I AM NOT A CHRISTIAN, ALL IN ALL I AM A REAL BAD PERSON, AND THIS IS ALSO WHAT ALL HIS FAMILY THINKS OF ME, AND THEY BOTH PROCLAIM TO BE GOOD CHRISTIAN PEOPLE, I ONLY MET HIS MOTHER ONE TIME AND ONE TIME SHE CALLED ME AND TOLD ME OFF GOOD. I HAVE BEEN KICKED DOWN A LOT THESE PAST TWO YEARS, WITH GOD YOU ALWAYS GET BACK UP AND I PRAISE HIM FOR THAT,THIS REALLY HURT ME SO BAD AT FIRST AND IT STILL HURT’S BUT I HAVE LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT, BE CAUSE I KNOW ME, AND PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT ME KNOW ME TOO, AND DEEP DOWN MY DAUGHTER KNOWS ME TO . AMY YOUR NOT ALONE, GOD BLESS YOU , YOUR IN MY PRAYERS LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST
VANELDA,I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND DAUGHTER AND FAMILY, GOD BE WITH YOU ALL, LOVE AND PRAYERS YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Thanks Carol for your prayers as I lift you up and the other hurting parents on this page.
Families are important to God and I know that He will give us peace, wisdom and understanding in our areas of concern. I am minded that His ways are not our ways neither are His thoughts our thoughts. He will intervene at the right time!
God bless all of you (us).
VANELDA, GOD BLESS YOU AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS, PRAYERS ARE BEING ANSWERED, THE MASTER HAS DONE IT AGAIN, MY DAUGHTER HAS E-MAILED MY SISTER ( HER AUNT) AND TOLD THEM HOW MUCH SHE MISSES THEM AND LOVES THEM, SHE IS STARTING TO SHOW CONCERN, AND LOVE AGAIN FOR HER FAMILY , PRAISE GOD , SHE STILL CALLS HER DAD AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK,PRAISE HIM SHE ALWAYS SAYS TELL MOM HI, AND HOW IS MOM, AND I LOVE HER SHE SAYS (SOME TIMES,) AND THAT IS OK I WANT HER TO COME BACK TO US IN HER OWN TIME WHICH IS GODS TIME PRAISE HIM,, I FILL MORE PEACE IN MY HEART THAN I HAVE IN TWO YEARS AND I PRAISE GOD FOR THAT, I THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR MANY PRAYERS, AND WE STILL NEED PRAYER WE ARE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET BUT I THINK WE ARE ON OUR WAY (AGAIN) GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND I AM PRAYING FOR YOU ALL IN HIS NAME JESUS CHRIST FOREVER AMEN AMEN GOD BLESS THIS WEB IT HAS BEEN A LIFE SAVER FOR ME (THANK YOU SO PASTOR CHRIS)
Carol, I am thankful to hear your upbeat spirit. And, I am thankful that the web site has been an encouragement. I have tried to keep parents in mind when writing new posts, too.
Tomorrow, I am preaching on Ephesians 3:14-21 – – a prayer of the Apostle Paul for the Ephesians. In a sentence, he is praying that the Ephesians would not only know in their minds the love of Christ, but that they would experience at the depths of their being – – in how they live in every area of life, and how they feel – – that somehow they would experience the love of Christ in a way that surpasses all knowledge. Carol, I pray that for you and others who are living the Christian life.
GOD BLESS YOU PASTOR CHRIS, YOU ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED, THANK YOU FOR YOUR WISDOM, IT HAS BEEN SO HELPFUL FOR ME. LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST
I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR PRAYING FOR THE LADY ( CARLA) AND HER CONTROLLING HUSBAND, WELL PRAISE GOD SHE CAME BACK TO CHURCH TODAY, I AM SO GLAD, WE TALKED SOME, AND SHE IS TRYING VERY HARD TO LET GOD TAKE CONTROL OF HER HUSBAND, ITS NOT EASY, SHE IS SCARE TO DEATH OF THIS MAN, MY HEART HURTS FOR HER , I TOLD HER IF SHE EVER NEEDS TO RUN THAT SHE CAN COME TO MY HOME AND STAY WITH ME, I KNOW GOD PUT US TOGETHER FOR A REASON, I AM NOT SURE WHY, BUT BOTH TIME WE’VE TALKED SHE HAS TOLD ME A LOT OF PERSONAL STUFF, MAYBE GOD WANTS HER TO SEE SHE’S NOT A LONE OR SHE NEEDS A FRIEND AND SOME ONE TO TALK TO. PLEASE PRAY FOR HER AND FOR GOD TO GUIDE ME WHERE HE WANTS ME. I PRAY FOR ALL OF YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND FAMILY’S. I PRAY EVER ONE WILL REMEMBER TO PUT YOUR ANSWERED PRAYERS ON THIS SITE, ANSWERED PRAYERS ARE AN ENCOURAGEMENT FOR US ALL.GODS BLESSINGS
Thank you for the encouragement. A little update: Our daughter has contacted us and shared that she would like us to meet someone. He is requesting to talk to her dad about his feelings for her. What? I can’t believe it. She wants her dad’s approval? She does care about our wishes. Wow! This could be a glimmer of hope. It’s neat to read your blogs and get your input. We all need to continue hanging on to hope.
PRAISE GOD , DIANE, THAT IS WONDERFUL, I PRAY IT ALL WORKS OUT FOR YOU ALL, IT IS SO GREAT TO HEAR THAT YOUR DAUGHTER HAS REMEMBERED YOUR LOVE, PRAISE GOD KEEP IN PRAYER AND LET US KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. I WILL PRAY THAT HE IS A GOOD HONEST PERSON, I AM SO GLAD FOR YOU , GOD BLESS YOU ALL, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
I PRAY WHEN YOU READ THIS THAT YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THAT WE HAD A WONDERFUL CHRISTIAN DAUGHTER THAT EVERY ONE ADORED, SO WE HAD NO REASON TO DISTRUST HER JUDGMENT ON ANYTHING, WE THOUGHT WE WOULD TRUST HER, SHE IS OUR ONLY CHILD AND WE LOVE HER DEARLY, HE GOT IN HER HEAD. I JUST HAVE TO SAY THIS IT IS ON MY HEART SO STRONG I FEEL OUR LORD WANTS ME TO SAY IT, I DON’T KNOW MAYBE IT WILL SAVE SOME ONE, —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’T WANT HER AROUND HER CHURCH FAMILY, I TRIED EVERY THING HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO GET HIM OUT OF OUR LIFE, SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS SCARED OF HIM, SCARED TO DUMP HIM,HE ALWAYS TOLD HER HE WOULD FINE HER IF SHE BROKE UP WITH HIM AND GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT HE HAS SAID AND DONE TO HER , HE NEEDS HELP YOU WOULD THINK HIS MOTHER WOULD SEE THAT , I FELT SO HELPLESS, EVERY ONE CAN SEE HIM NOW FOR WHAT HE IS AND NOW SHE IS STARTING TO SEE SLOWLY THE LORD IS WORKING ON HER, , BUT SHE IS STILL SCARED TO DEATH OF HIM, I KNOW HE SAYS HE WILL KILL HIM SELF AND HER IF SHE TRY’S TO LEAVE HIM HE HAS TOLD HER THAT HE WILL FINE HER, ( I HEARD HIM SAY THAT ON THE PHONE TO HER ) AND SHE BELIEVES HIM WE DON’T HE JUST A LITTLE COWARD AND SHE IS JUST YOUNG HE TELLS HER HE HAS PEOPLE WATCHING HER ITS LIES, HE HAS NO FRIENDS, HE TOLD ME THAT HIS FRIENDS BREAK INTO CARS AND HOUSES IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD I LAUGHED AT HIM AND I SAID THANKS FOR TELLING ME THAT, IF WE GET BROKE INTO I’LL SEND THE POLICE TO YOU , MAN HE GOT MAD AT ME, THAT’S WHY HE HATES ME BE CAUSE I AM NOT SCARED OF HIM AND HE KNOWS IT, BE WARE OF YOUR OWN CHILD OR ANY ONE CLOSE TO THEN, HE TELL’S MY DAUGHTER WHAT TO SAY AND SHE DOES OUT OF FEAR, MY DAUGHTERS HUSBAND WHEN HE WAS (HER BOYFRIEND) HE BROKE INTO MY HUSBAND PICKUP TRUCK AND STOLE OUR GARAGE DOOR OPENER AND OTHER THINGS, HE TRIED TO GET IN OUR HOUSE THEW OUR GARAGE BUT HE DIDN’T THAT WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, HE TRIED TO GET IN MY DAUGHTER BED ROOM WINDOW HE DIDN’T, I KNOW IT WAS HIM BEGGING HER AND OUT OF FEAR MY DAUGHTER WANTED HIM AT OUR HOUSE ALL THE TIME HE ATE ALL HIS MEALS WITH US HE WENT EVERY WHERE WITH US MY HUSBAND PAYED FOR EVERY THING AND OUR DAUGHTER WENT RIGHT ALONG WITH HIM ON ALL OF IT, WE WERE CONNED, AND THE VERY LAST WORDS THAT HE SAID TO ME WAS I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT EVERY ONE CALLS ME JESUS, AND THAT WAS TWO YEARS AGO, PLEASE BEWARE OF PEOPLE LIKE THIS WHEN I LOOK BACK I CAN’T BELIEVE I AM WRITING ABOUT MY DAUGHTER GOD HELP HER, GOD BLESS YOU ALL MAYBE THIS WILL HELP SOME ONE
I appreciate the advice. My husband has a way of discerning people, and he will be the one talking to this young man. We actually have seen positive changes in her since she has been hanging out with him. We guage a lot of who the other person is on how our daughter is responding to us and how she listens. The last two were disaster relationships and we saw the writing on the wall. She admitted the last one had a way of manipulating her into believing anything. Wow! These girls keep us on our knees!!!
DIANE, I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT I WAS ONLY WRITING DOWN THINGS ABOUT MY OWN EXPERIENCE, AND I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND FAMILY , AND I PRAY THAT IT ALL WORKS OUT FOR YOU ALL, GOD IS GOOD AND YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT THAT, OUR CHILDREN DO KEEP US ON OUR KNEE’S, GOD BLESS YOU, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL THANKS FOR THE UPDATE THAT IS ALWAYS GOOD TO HEAR GODS WORK
I,along with my husband, wish to extend a great big THANK-YOU for this site!!! It has helped in ways we cannot express adequately enough!
I looked back at our first post in January, when the “hidden things” about our daughter’s rebeliiousness,etc. became exposed to our family…and more unfolded after that time…We both have read all the other notes from others that have been hurting..and ENDURING, and SUFFERING the same pain, same agony of soul that we have. The stories may be different in events, but a common thread runs through them all..that of lost souls, for whatever their reasons..are on the run from a loving {hopefully} family and homes. They have left behind mourning parents and siblings.
I reead Chris’s blogs at the beginning of all of our blogs…Refreshing advice…
We thank-you again for having this site to draw upon from others and to reassure us that He is the Creator of each soul…He is the Father…and He does know the best way for our rebellious children to return to HIm, or come to Him for their first time!
We are learning this..and thank-you all for your sharing. Although it has been incredibly painful and difficult to write at times, it has been so beneficial to others.. Again,this has meant very much to my husband and myself.
In the Scriptures, …and I am paraphrasing…please reference in your Bibles..Christ, through the things He suffered, yet He learned obedience. That passage struck me…our prayers have begun to change. “Show us, Father, where we need to change and what we need to bring into obedience to Your Son…so that our runaway may see Christ in us!”
We pray for each of you when we read your stories. We hope that brings comfort to you…when comfort seems to be so elusive…and perhaps nonexistent.
Once again,
Tahnk-you!
Daniel and Louise, Thank you for commenting on the blog. One thing I have learned as a pastor is that “parenting is never over.” I used to naively think that when young people grew up that somehow parents graduated from their status. Of course, that is silly. But, it’s where I was as a young pastor. But, over the years of talking and working with people in great pain, I see that being a parent continues on.
I’ve also learned that unless a person has been there with really difficult situations with their children, then they can’t know how deeply it hurts. That’s why I think this blog thread has been an encouragement. People have been able to connect with others who are going through something similar.
My wife and I talk about this thread. I mentioned it to her last night. The ways that people have shared openly and encouraged one another help me as a pastor to be more sensitive to what some of my people must be enduring. I do pray that God will encourage your hearts.
Chris..and to all those on this site,
Please know, that those prayers have been working on our behalf..and I assume they would be working on others’ behalf as well. He is so faithful. What does help, but does not cure, the saying..”misery longs for company”! Not to remain there, but to knw that you are NOT the only one on this terra firma who endures such heartache, broken promises, broken dreams, etc. Dear chris and his wife…how sensitive you both have been to His heart beat..to minister to the hurting. God Bless you both!!//AND God bless all ofyou here on this site. May we all gtrow into His promises and MAY we all KNOW Him as our comforter.
My husband and I have had moments of incredible peace envelope us during our darkest moments. We did not want to leave the room we were praying in..it was surreal..and it gave us such strength and such hope. He really does offer us that peace that passes all understanding.
Not quite dancing a jig at this time, but we are hoping, and we are able to breathe, and are able to walk in His peace. Praise Him!!! He is truly our shelter…
Tahnk-you does not seem to express our hearts, but we pray He will let ypu feel that appreciation.
Thsnk-you,Chris and wife, again and again..and to all you dear fellow bloggers. God Bless you withHis peace…we sincerely are praying for that for you all!!
Dan and Louise
HI, STILL PRAYING FOR ALL, HOPE ALL IS DOING OK, GOD IS SO GOOD, GOD BLESS ALL. LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
PLEASE PRAY , THIS IS CRAZY, I THINK OUR 20 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER MAY HAVE GOTTEN BREAST IMPLANT’S, SHE IS SHOWING A PICTURE OF HERSELF ON MY SPACE, I WAS TOLD BY A FRIEND THAT (HE) WANTED HER TO DO THIS, AND I THINK SHE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR (HIM)I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE MONEY WOULD COME FROM FOR THIS, THEY HAVE NONE, I DON’T KNOW MY OWN CHILD ANYMORE , THIS IS NOT THE PERSON I RAISED, PLEASE PRAY FOR HER SAFETY. I PRAISE GOD FOR GIVING ME THE STRENGTH TO LIVE THIS, I THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS, IT MAY NOT SOUND LIKE IT BUT I REALLY DO FEEL THEM, GOD HAS PUT SOME AMAZING PEOPLE IN MY LIFE, AND I PRAISE HIM FOR MY CHURCH, MY PASTOR,THEY ARE MY STRENGTH, I HAVE MORE FRIENDS, TRUE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE HAD SINCE HIGH SCHOOL, GOD IS SO GOOD, GOD BLESS YOU ALL LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE PRAYERS , OUR DAUGHTER STARTED CALLING HER DAD LAST WEEK, AND WE SAW HER IN PASSING,WE PRAISE GOD FOR THAT, SHE WOULDN’T TALK TO US WE JUST SAID HI AND WALKED ON, THAT IS OK WE KNOW THAT GOD IS WORKING ON HER, AND HE IS IN CONTROL, WE PRAISE OUR HOLY FATHER FOR BRINGING US THIS FAR, TOMORROW IS OUR FAMILY REUNION, AND EVERY ONE WILL BE THERE WITH THERE KIDS, I E-MAILED MY DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBAND AND ASKED THEM TO COME THEY NEVER ANSWERED, PLEASE PRAY FOR MY HUSBAND AND I TO HAVE THE STRENGTH WE NEED TO BE GOOD WITNESS TO OUR FAMILY GOD BLESS LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL I THINK THE WHOLE BREAST IMPLANT THING WAS FAKE, I PRAY IT WAS !!!!!!!!!!
ON JUNE 9, 09 I ASKED YOU TO PRAY FOR THIS LADY AT MY CHURCH, I WILL CALL HER MAY,, WELL MAY AND I TALK OFTEN AT CHURCH ONLY, BUT I AM ASKING TO PLEASE KEEP PRAYING FOR HER, SHE WAS AT CHURCH LAST NIGHT, AND SHE TOLD ME, SHE TOLD HER HUSBAND THAT SHE FEELS LIKE A PRISONER, BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO GO TO THE STORE, AND HE SAID NO, THEY HAVE ONE CAR, ONE SET OF KEYS, ONE CELL PHONE, THAT WAY SHE HAS TO ASK HIM, AND THAT KEEPS HIM IN CONTROL, I AM SO SAD FOR HER, I ASKED HER TO LUNCH AND SHE SAID HE WOULDN’T ALOUD IT, SHE IS SO THIN I FILL LIKE HE HOLDS FOOD FROM HER,SHE IS A VERY ATTRACTIVE LADY , VERY SWEET, VERY GODLY AND EVERY TIME WE TALK SHE TELLS ME GOD WILL BRING HER THEW THIS, SHE HAS LOTS OF FAITH, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS, GOD BLESS, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Carol, you must be a wonderful blessing to May. I am thankful you are part of the Body of Christ and have such a heart for people. I pray that the Lord will encourage May and her husband and that she will be blessed in some special way today.
PASTOR CHRIS, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS AND YOUR KIND WORDS, THEY ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED. LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME
I want to thank you all, again, for all of your prayers and support, and I continue to pray regularly for each who have posted on this page. I have continued to follow your advice, Chris, about asking for prayers from my friends at church.
The last three or four contacts we’ve had with our daughter have been pleasant, but we continue to be concerned about the choices she’s making. And she is telling herself that these are godly choices. But we decided to avoid any, uh, controversial discussions for a while…and we told her we would take this little break.
The people who she is going to for advice these days are people who call themselves Christians, but their Christianity doesn’t seem to go beyond attending church. Only God knows what’s in their hearts, but if they ARE Christians, they are very immature Christians who have very little, if any, actual personal relationships with God.
And the advice my daughter is getting from these people is not very biblical. But it’s what my daughter wants to hear, so she follows the advice. She used to know, and not very long ago, that these things were wrong.
Our daughter will be coming by for a visit after church tomorrow, and we have asked that she let us know, then, of a time we can get together and have a serious discussion about our concerns. But now, suddenly, I don’t know what to say to her. I feel like we’ve said it all… but those times she would hear none of it. She would interrupt us and not let us finish our thoughts.
Please pray that God will give us wisdom about what to say, and that God will speak to her heart. Also, please pray that God will help us to hear and understand what she has to say, but that my husband and I won’t compromise on what we know is biblical, just to keep the peace.
Thank you all so much. If anyone has any more advice for us, we’d love to hear it. And we greatly appreciate prayer.
We don’t wish this problem on anyone else, but at the same time, it’s good to feel not so alone.
Amy
Amy, I have no advice for you, but to refer you to the beginning of this blog and continue to reread throughout the coming days. What caught my attention, every time I came here for comfort and to blow off steam, I would reread the beginning of this blog and the particular point that it is not the act of rebelling that is the crux of the entire situation in our children’s lives, but rather the rebellion is the result of circumstances that have obscured their vision from seeing who Jesus is. That point has struck me time and time again…our children need so desperately need to see Christ in us…and to find Him! I pray for you and your family…and everyone else here going through these difficult moments…at times… which seem most unbearable. It is a personal introduction to Hell…but it is also our time to find the heart of God in this…and to ask Him to give us His mind in all these days…to see as He sees it…and to ask the Master of the Storms to calm our storms…and to help us walk on those rough waters, rather than be drowned in them. Rough seas, rough weather…but we do have such a gentle, loving Saviour who truly wants the hearts of our children…AND our aching hearts as well.
We all feel your pain…and the agony is incredible at times…but lean on the Master of the Winds…He WILL guide you through this.
Also, He is stronger than anything in this world…and He certainly has the number to that organization that is going directly against the Fifth Commandment..”Honor Thy father and mother”. Any church or organization bringing division between parents and their child is acting in error, and definately being used by wiles of the enemy of our soul, who delights in divisions.
We are very appreciative of this site…and thank Him for the day I stumbled upon this site while in one of our darkest hours agonizing over our daughter’s rebellion.
I will update you all on what has happened in the last week. It is late, and I wanted to say something to comfort Amy.
Alos, Carol…I love reading your blogs.
God Bless you all…may He bring His peace during the storm!
GOD BLESS YOU DAN, LOUISE,,, I NOTICE WHEN I STEP OUT OF MY SITUATION AND LET GOD HAVE IT ALL THINGS SEEM TO GO BETTER,, THAT IS HARD FOR ME, TO GIVE IT ALL TO GOD, WELL I SHOULD SAY ITS NOT HARD TO GIVE IT TO HIM, BUT TO LEAVE IT IN HIS HANDS,, I KNOW GOD UNDERSTANDS THAT PART OF ME, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE ONE TO TAKE CARE OF MY DAUGHTER AND HUSBANDS NEEDS IN OUR HOME, THEY WERE SO BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND WORK, AND AS A MOTHER ITS HARD TO SAY OK THAT’S, IT BUT I TRY, TWO YEARS AGO I THOUGHT MY LIFE WAS OVER,, I MISS MY DAUGHTER MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY, BUT I WILL SAY, I AM STRONGER IN THE WORD THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN, SO THERE FOR I TALK ALOUD IN OUR BIBLE STUDY, AND SUNDAY SCHOOL, FOR SOME REASON I AM MORE CONFIDENT, GOD IS SO GREAT, MY HUSBAND AND I ARE IN CHARGE OF OUR FOOD PANTRY AT OUR CHURCH, WHICH IS SO REWARDING, WE HAVE MET THE MOST WONDERFUL PEOPLE. WE HAVE A SMALL GROUP THAT MEET TWO TIMES A MONTH, THAT HAS BEEN A GREAT HELP AND SO FUN. I AM ALSO IN A GROUP AT CHURCH AND WE CALL OUR SELF’S THE GOD SQUAD, HA HA AND WE JUST HELP PEOPLE, LIKE VISIT THEN, AND IF THEY NEED ANY WORK DONE OR CLEANING OR JUST SIT AND TALK,WE VISIT HOSPITAL’S OR SHUT IN’S, IT IS SO REWARDING, I LOVE IT,, I AM NOT PADDING MYSELF , I JUST CAN SEE WHAT GOD IS DOING IN MY LIFE,, BEFORE I WAS A STAY AT HOME MOM, BUT I DID WORK PART TIME, BUT I WAS ABLE TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER WITH ME ,, I RAISED HER FOR 18 YEARS AND SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH WE LOVE HER. BUT GOD HAS SHOWED ME THAT I NEED TO BE A WITNESS TO HER AND HER HUSBAND AND MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE (I AM NOT SAYING THAT IS EASY)SHE HAS TO COME TO US AND THIS IS SOMETHING THAT SHE HAS GOTTEN INTO AND NOW SHE HAS GOT TO LET GOD HELP HER OUT. AND WHEN SHE SEE’S THAT, AND IS READY, WE ARE WAITING WITH OPEN ARM’S. THIS IS SOME THING WE CAN NOT HELP HER WITH WE HAVE TRIED EVERY THING ON THIS EARTH AND IT DIDN’T WORK, IT JUST MADE IT WORST.SO NOW WE WAIT, BUT WE WILL LIVE OUR LIFE,I BAKED A CHOCOLATE CAKE ( MY DAUGHTERS FAVORITE) AND I HAVE FIXED SOME OF HER OTHER FAVORITE THINGS AND I DID FINE, SO MANY MEMORY’S, GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF IT, JUST LIKE HE SAID HE WOULD AND I BELIEVE, HAD I FELT THIS WAY TWO YEARS AGO, THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER A LONG TIME AGO, I HAD TO LET GO AND LET GOD AND I PRAY WITH ALL I AM TO KEEP THIS STRENGTH I HAVE RIGHT NOW, GOD BE WITH US ALL AND REMEMBER I WILL NEVER STOP PRAYING FOR YOU ALL AND YOUR CHILDREN, GODS BLESSINGS LOVE AND PRAYERS YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Thank you, Dan and Louise, for your support and prayers. My daughter ended up not talking with us on Sunday. She and the friend who has so much negative influence over her, however, are BOTH coming over to talk this Saturday.
We have several people praying for us, and, Chris, we finally had a meeting with our pastor to discuss the situation. I have high hopes for our discussion with my daughter’s friend, but our pastor, who knows her better than we do, does not expect her to be open to anything at all.
Please continue to pray for us. We’re excited AND nervous about Saturday. Thank you, again, Kramers, for your words of support.
I’m sure sometimes I sound like I’m ranting, but it’s still new enough to us that we feel like it’s all just a bad dream.
Amy
THIS HAS BEEN VERY ENCOURAGING, FOR ME, JAMES:1 !!!!
AMY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Amy and Carol,
He is faithful!!! He is faithful!!! He will see us all through this..AND He knows the addresses of where our children reside! lol…The agony of soul…He will heal…and that will take time…Days will be bleak at times, and they will be bearable other times…and then…there are those days He takes that ache and puts His calm and peace there inside! Then, those days, I am filled with His promises…Praise Him! I pray His peace and love overwhelm you both..and anyone reading this in need of hope.
Love you all,
Louise
LOUISE, YOUR PRAYERS AND ENCOURAGEMENT IS ALWAYS GREATLY APPRECIATED, THANK YOU SO MUCH I NEEDED TO HEAR THAT TODAY, GOD BLESS YOU, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
PLEASE PRAY ,MY DAUGHTER WAS LIVING WITH HER HUSBANDS MOTHER, THEY MOVED TODAY WE DON’T KNOW WHERE, THIS IS SO HARD WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOUR DAUGHTER IS, I KNOW THAT OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN WILL TAKE CARE OF HER, BUT I CAN’T HELP BUT WANDER WHERE AND HOW SHE IS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS, GOD BLESS YOU ALL,I PRAY THINGS ARE GOING WELL FOR YOU ALL.LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Carol, I do pray the Lord will be with you. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be. Psalm 23.
PASTOR CHRIS, THANK YOU, ITS A WONDERFUL FEELING KNOWING THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE PRAYING FOR YOU AND I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH.GOD BLESS YOU, THIS WEB HAS BEEN SUCH A BLESSING FOR ME. LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL,,,, I AM SO THANKFUL FOR YOU ALL, GODS BLESSINGS FOR YOU ALL AND YOUR CHILDREN
Carol, I am continuing to pray for you. Thank you, and thank you, Kramers, for your prayers and supportive words. I will keep praying for you and your families, as I do for everyone who has written on this page.
THANK YOU AMY, I PRAY GOD IS WITH YOU AS WELL, MY HUSBAND JUST CALLED OUR DAUGHTER AND TO OUR SURPRISE SHE ANSWERED, HE DOESN’T ASK HER MUCH OF ANYTHING’ WE LEARNED FROM THE PAST SHE WILL JUST HANG UP,HE DID ASK IF SHE WANTED TO TALK TO ME AND SHE SAID NO I DON’T LIKE HER, MY HEART BRAKES FOR HER . MY HUSBAND SAID SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING, SHE SAID WORK, EAT AND SLEEP I HAVE ALOT OF BILLS DAD, SHE HAD ALOT OF PROBLEMS WITH HER BIRTH CONTROL PILLS, NOW SHE IS ON NOTHING HER HUSBAND SAID THEY WOULD JUST BE CAREFUL, OH MY GOD PLEASE DONT LET MY DAUGHTER PREGNANT..NOT WITH HIM . NOT NOW.. SHE DIDNT OFFER TO TELL WHERE SHE LIVES AND WE DONT DARE ASK, THIS WHOLE THING MAKES ME SICK, IT IS SUCH A WASTE OF TIME.ITS SO STUPID IT DOESNT EVEN MAKE ANY SINCE. I DO KNOW IN HIS TIME ,PRAISE HIM ALWAYS. GODS BLESSINGS
MY HUSBAND GOT SOME GREAT NEWS TODAY,( I’LL EXPLAIN SOME LATER) AND WE ARE REJOICING IN THE LORD, I KNOW HE IS WORKING ON OUR FAMILY, I FEEL HIS HOLY PRESENTS, THE MASTERS HAND IS IN MY FAMILY, PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME, PRAISE HIM, PRAISE HIM, PRAISE HIM, THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR MANY PRAYERS, GOD BLESS YOU ALL, LOVE YOU YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
PLEASE PRAY, MY DAUGHTER MOVED, AND NOW SHE HAS LOST HER JOB, WE HAVE NO I DEAL WHERE SHE IS , I KNOW THE FATHER KNOW WHERE SHE IS , I STILL WANDER. I JUST CAN’T UNDERSTAND IT, MY DAUGHTER WAS RAISED IN A GOOD, LOVING, CARING, CHRISTIAN, HOME ( NOT PERFECT) WE STILL HAVE A VERY NICE LIFE, MY GIRL WOULD HAVE A NICE LIFE, BUT SHE STAY’S WITH A PERSON THAT WONT WORK WONT DO ANYTHING, AND HAS HER LIVE HER LIFE FOR HIM,HE HAS BEEN OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL FOUR YEARS HE HAS DONE NOTHING, IT MAKES ME SO SICK, BUT PLAYS GAMES, MY HUSBAND OFFERED TO HELP HIM GET A JOB NOPE, SHE HIT ROCK BOTTON A LONG TIME AGO, SHE DOES WHAT HE TELLS HER I WORRY FOR HER, I PRAY HE DOESN’T ASK HER TO DO SOMETHING , SHE IS IN SUCH A STATE OF MIND, I AM NOT SURE WHAT SHE WOULD DO TO PLEASE HIM.I REALLY DO KNOW IN MY HEART THAT IN HIS TIME HE WILL MAKE ALL OF IT GOOD FOR US ALL.I REALLY DO HAVE FAITH IN OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST , I JUST NEED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST SOMETIMES. THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME. THIS WEB SITE HAS BEEN SUCH A BLESSING, FOR ME, GOD BLESS YOU PASTOR CHRIS, YOU ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED, I PRAY YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE BLESSED, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL,,,,,, I PRAY ALL ON THIS WEB ARE DOING GOOD GOD BE WITH YOU ALL I WILL BE PRAYING
My Dear Sister,Carol
I have just read your letter. OUCH! She is acting on his behalf. Whatever you do, procede with caution. It appears HE does not want her anywhere near you. He wants her all to himself!! That is part of the mental disorder he is displaying. Unreal…and what has he got hanging over her head to keep her in this type of relationship?
Brainwashing is a technique these sorts use to keep their prisoners captive. They have honed those skills well!!
Our daughter went through that, Carol. Two years fo the manipulation and lies turned our daughter against us!! She still shows those traits of distrust towards a family who has loved her all of her life…and someone like your daughter’s partner turned our daughter totally in a 180 position. So, that relationship has led to another one, similar to the first.
I had just received an email, 1 of 5 over a period of 3 months, from this partner of our daughter’s…I do not read those emails…read the first…and that was enough! Anyway, I responded one time to his 2nd email…and pretty much told him that we were not having any intensions of stopping what their plans were in their lives. We accepted {All the while, I am dieing inside} that we were not invited into their lives..so we had stepped away {Although, we are watching and praying from the sidelines}Told him all of that…AND added prayers would be continuing on both of their behaves. Somehow, he did not get the response he was hoping for…you see, Carol…it is a game they play, and your daughter’s partner is doing just that!
Start a crisis and plan to avert it!…They do not care who gets hurt in the process, nor do they care about the consequences…After all, everything that happens will be your daughter’s fault, not his.
I forwarded all the emails to my sons and other daughter. They have said this in unison: HE IS ONE SICK PUPPY!
Our daughter called last evening, excited that she and her partner will be getting married next month on the 24TH. This is what I told her:
We love you Christina. We always will. NOTHING that has happened in your life prior to today, nor anything that will happen after today will change that. That love for you will only grow…and our prayers and love will be going out to you and…ALWAYS!
Are you aware of the emails J___ has been sending me? Have you read them? She said she had…and I told her she may not have read the ones he sent to me! Also informed her that I have not read the last 3 emails…I refuse to read anything more from him. She was also informed that her siblings have read them and that they are not happy with the emails at all! Silence on the other end of the telephone. I immediately stated: I love you, Christina…that will never change. We will always be here for you! Nothing will change that!!!Nothing!!!! I asked her if any of his family has been in touch with them. She answereed..”no”.
Interesting, isn’t it Carol? Thes ppl have such messed up family lives. They lie in wait to destroy others as well. I believe they think this is the way life is…create divisions, crises, and control.
BUT, CAROL…OUR God is a mighty warrior!!! He will go to battle!!! I could not even do the job He can!!!
Love to you Carol..and your broken hearted family. Take courage, sister! He is our MIGHTY MIGHTY warrior. It may be tough for our daughters and it may do a number on our hearts, but HE will have the last say!!! We are praying for you!!
I FORGOT TO MENTION…WHEN I DECIDED TO STAND BACK AND LET HIM DO THE WORK…OUR DAUGHTER AND THIS DEVIOUS PERSON ARE NOW ATTENDING A CHURCH, FOR ABOUT 3 WKS NOW. SHE IS VERY HAPPY! I BELIEVE HE HAS ALREADY STARTED TO DO SOMETHING!!!! CHURCH HAS BEEN HER LIFE. IT HAS BEEN 4 YEARS SINCE SHE HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN CHURCH! MAYBE THE DEVIOUS ONE WILL TURN TO CHRIST AS WELL!!!
Love you,
Louise
I read your Sept 10 post, Carol, and knew that I had no words of comfort…but I want you to know that I immediately prayed for your family, and continue to do so.
Louise…what an encouragement your letter was!! First, you are so wise in how you are dealing with your situation. Second…your daughter and her partner are going to church…AND it’s making her happy! WONDERFUL!!
I am praying for your family, too, Louise.
Amy
Louise,
I wanted to thank you for writing the post on the “Why would a pastor and his wife embrace one last time in front of an oncoming train?” article. I, too, can understand that pain, but didn’t know how to respond to the previous poster.
You stated my feelings, perfectly, and you had the courage to do so.
Thank you for speaking for me and for other hurting parents.
Amy
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH LOUISE, YOUR WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT, ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED, IT HELPS NOT BEING ALONE, I CANT TALK TO MY HUSBAND SO MUCH, IT UPSETS HIM AND HE HAS A BAD HEART, SO I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL WHAT I SAY TO HIM, HE HAS BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL A FEW TIMES OVER THIS WITH OUR DAUGHTER,GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND YOUR CHILDREN I PRAY ALL WILL WORK OUT WONDERFULLY FOR ALL ON THIS SITE,, GOD BE WITH YOU ALL,LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL,,, I’LL NEVER STOP PRAYING !!!!AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE PRAYERS
I GOT A E-MAIL FROM MY DAUGHTER TODAY AND SHE SAID I HATE YOU MOM ( THAT IS THE FIRST TIME SHE HAS SAID THAT TO ME ) AND SHE SAID SHE DOESN’T WANT ME FOR HER MOM ANYMORE, I HAVEN’T EVEN TALK TO HER FOR ALMOST A YEAR, OH WELL GOD KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR US ALL , AND I KNOW IN MY HEART THIS ISN’T MY GIRL SHE HAS TO ACT THIS WAY TO PLEASE HIM AND PROTECT HER SELF GOD BLESS ALL LOVE YOU SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Carol, I am so sorry to hear that you received those words from your daughter. I pray God will give you strength.
THANK YOU PASTOR CHRIST, I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT THIS ISN’T HER , SHE HAS TO DO AND SAY THINGS TO PLEASE HIM AND KEEP HIM HAPPY HIS HAPPINESS = HER SAFTY I KNOW IN MY HEART THE MASTERS HAND IS IN ALL THIS AND IN HIS TIME HE WILL TAKE CARE OF ALL OF THIS,I WILL NOT GIVE UP OR STOP PRAYING THE EVIL ONE WILL NOT WIN GOD IS THE ONLY WINNER IN OUR LIFES GOD BLESS ALL LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL,,,,, PLEASE PRAY FOR MY DAUGHTERS HUSBAND
I’m so sorry, Carol. I have no words at all…I’m continuing to pray for you and your family.
Amy
PASTOR CHRIS, I JUST SAW I CALLED YOU CHRIST,, SORRY
THANK YOU AMY ,YOUR PRAYERS MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME, I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYER, GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ,I AM PRAYING FOR YOU ALL AND I FEEL GOD IS GETTING READILY TO DO SOME GREAT PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME HIS SON JESUS CHRIST GOD BE WITH YOU ALL LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
MY HUSBAND TALKED TO OUR DAUGHTER TODAY, AND SHE TOLD HIM TO TELL ME SHE WAS SORRY FOR THE E-MAIL YESTERDAY THANKS FOR YOUR PRAYERS THE MASTERS HAND IS IN MY LIFE, PRAISE HIM GOD BLESS ALL LOVE IN CHRIST CAROL
PLEASE PRAY FOR MY HUSBAND, HE HAS HEART DISEASE AND HE IS IN THE HOSPITAL AGAIN THANK YOU GOD BLESS LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Carol, I am so very sorry to hear of this situation! Heartache and stress do not help those cardiac weaknesses. We are praying for him and for you as well…and will keep him on a prayer list!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS LOUISE, PRAYERS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED, MY HUSBAND IS DOING A LITTLE BETTER, BUT HE IS ALIVE AND I PRAISE GOD FOR THAT. MY HUSBAND IS A WONDERFUL CHRISTIAN, AND HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A GOOD HUSBAND AND FATHER (NOT PERFECT) HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN JUST SO GOOD,HE HAS ALWAYS CARED FOR HIS FAMILY,AND NOW IT IS REAL HARD FOR HIM TO BE SICK. WE MARRIED WHEN WE WERE 19 YEARS OLD, JUST KIDS, BUT WE DIDN’T THINK THAT AT ALL. WE STILL LOVE EACH AFTER 36 YEARS WE ARE BOTH 55 YEARS OLD NOW, LITTLE LESS HAIR, LITTLE GRAY HAIR, FEW EXTRA POUND’S BUT OUR LORD KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING WHEN HE PUT US TOGETHER, WE CAN STILL MAKE EACH OTHER LAUGH, OH WE HAVE HAD OUR UP’S AND DOWN’S BUT THE UP’S WIN, WE ARE VERY BLESSED AND OUR DAUGHTER DID CALL HER DAD AT THE HOSPITAL, WE ARE THANKFUL FOR THAT, GOD BLESS YOU ALL !!!!!!!!!!! LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
I’ve been praying for those who have been posting on this page, but I haven’t asked for prayer lately because things seemed to have been slightly, VERY slightly, improving with our daughter. But now things are getting worse, and there is no rhyme or reason for it. Quite often my husband and I start to pray, and just don’t know how to. So I’m asking for continued prayer for our family.
Amy
I forgot to write one thing…my husband and I are realizing that we are probably going to need to cut ties with our daughter. I’m trusting that God’s continued speaking to her(I’m praying that her heart won’t be hardened to His words) will mean that one day things will be good again with her, but right now she’s destroying us, and she seems to delight in it.
This decision is tearing us up, but is probably necessary for the health of our family. We feel lost and don’t know what else to do.
Amy
Dear Amy,
It must be in the water we drink or something in the air. Same old story for us!
Things seemed to be improving..they were both going to church…for about 3 weeks. Then, BOOM!!! It is destroying us as well..so, as Chris wrote at the beginning of this site..It is not a matter of if, but when the ties will be cut!{I paraphrased this!}
So, the ties are cut…has to be done. We need to mend so desparately!
She reviles in chaos, confusion, and dividing. She manipulates..and what a master of that she has become! A true artist in deceit…and it is not what we trained into her! Choices, Amy, self destructive choices they have made for themselves. I cannot imagine that they enjoy their lot in life…misery is their bed at night..and their walk at daylight! They cannot be truly happy. We have to stand back…let Him take our reigns…and He alone can orchestrate their return to Him…then to us, if that is to be the case.
We have no contact with her. That is all gone. His still small voice whispers to my heart during the agonizing time of prayer…like you, not knowing how or what to pray…just kneeling silently, in great pain and agony of soul…and in weariness! He whispers..”Am I not able to watch over her? Don’t you realize that I see her all the time? Am I not able to bring her back? Let Me have her! Give her to Me!!”
He is able! He is faithful! He is the One who created this world, this universe, and He is the Author of our salvation!! Guess what? He IS the Author and finisher of their lives, too, Amy..
Rest, dear sister…find His rest. I am praying for you and your family for that rest. I pray..”Father, draw them into your heart, carry them into Your rest! Let their sleep become peaceful…and call their daughter back to YOU!”
His promises are Yes and Amen!!
I wish we were close in area…where there could be fellowship. We will do it this way..via the most powerful avenue He has given to us…PRAYER.
Love to you and your family!
Thank you, Louise!
I feel like you looked into my heart and wrote what I am feeling. Obviously, it’s because it’s what you are feeling, too.
And thank you for your advice…reminders of what I should be focusing on — I needed that.
Thank you, again.
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS, AND AMY AND LOUISE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY’S ARE ALWAYS IN MY PRAYER’S AND PRAISE GOD MY HUSBAND CAME HOME YESTERDAY, AND IS MUCH BETTER, I WAS SO WORRIED LAST WEEK THAT THE LORD WAS CALLING HIM HOME, I DIDN’T WANT HIM TO DIE SAD HE HURT’S SO MUCH OVER OUR DAUGHTER, I WANT HIM TO DIE HAPPY IN KNOWING THAT OUR DAUGHTER AND ME ARE OK, THIS IS VERY HARD FOR HIM HE FEELS THAT HE IS THE MAN AND HE SHOULD PROTECT HIS DAUGHTER AND WIFE.YOU CAN’T PROTECT YOUR CHILD IF THEY WONT LET YOU OR WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THEY ARE,BUT THE FATHER KNOWS WHERE SHE IS, OUR ARM’S ARE ALWAYS WIDE OPEN FOR OUR DAUGHTER, WE LOVE HER MORE THAN LIFE, BUT WE HAVE STOPPED GIVING HER ALL OF OUR ATTENTION, THIS IS VERY HARD, BUT SHE HAS GOT TO LISTEN TO THE FATHER AND GET STRONG, AND HELP HER SELF,, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH HER RIGHT NOW MY HUSBAND NEED’S ME, OUR DAUGHTER IS NOT STUPID, SHE IS NOT MENTAL OR PHYSICALLY CHALLENGE SHE NEEDS TO WISE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE,SHE KNOWS WHAT IS RIGHT AND WRONG, AND I CAN’T DO THIS ANY MORE, WE PRAY FOR OUR FAMILY TO BE RESTORED AND I GIVE HER TO THE FATHER I HAVE NO CONTACT AT ALL ,, THAT IS THE WAY SHE WANTS IT, I DON’T, BUT YOU CAN’T FORCE SOMEONE TO RESPECT YOU. SHE CALL’S HER DAD WHEN HER HUSBAND LET’S HER,WE KNOW IN OUR HEARTS THE FATHER WILL TAKE CARE OF THIS AND HE WILL GIVE US ALL THE STRENGTH TO DO WHAT WE HAVE TO.OUR DAUGHTER IS ONLY 20 AND WE KNOW SHE WILL WAKE UP. IF SHE NEVER SEE’S OR TALKS TO ME AGAIN, I PRAY UNLESS HER HUSBAND CAN CHANGE AND BE A BETTER PERSON, I PRAY THAT SHE GET’S AWAY FROM HIM SHE DESEVERS SO MUCH MORE OUT OF LIFE , SHE HAS SHORT CHANGED HER SELF SO MUCH, SHE WAS SO SMART AND HAD SUCH A BRIGHT FUTURE, AND NOW SHE HAS NOTHING, BUT HIM , AND I REALLY MEAN NOTHING,AND THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO IS PRAY AND WE DO, PRAISE HIM THAT HE IS ALWAYS HERE AND WE CAN COUNT ON HIM HE WILL NEVER LEAVE US. GOD BLESS EACH OF YOU YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY PRAYERS LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
Carol,
You and your family are in our prayers, too! We are so glad to hear your husband is home form the hospital now!
I understand that grief..and the toll it can take on your helath. How sad that our children have decided to shrot change their lives…makes me think about how He sees us…Have I short-changed myself in anyway?
The last words I said to our daughter last Friday evening were these:”I love you! I always have, I always will. I loved you during your youth, I loved you when you were very ill. I loved you during the horrible rape you endured. I loved you when you ran. I love you now. AND, I will always love you. That will never change..However, you must know that although we love you…we do not love the sin you have engaged yourself in…and that will not change. BUT, we love you…we love you enough to let you go your way. You will not hear us chide you or cajole you, nor will we be on your doorstep. You know the difference between right and wrong. You must make your own decisions and live with those consequences. You have told us you are all grown up now. Okay..you are all grown up now….accountable for all you do!” I ended it with : “We will pray for you daily. Remember, His love is much greater than ours…His arms are longer, His ears hear everything you say, His eyes see everything you do…He will also hear your cries when you decide to call upon Him. Remember, your father and I love you…your brothers and sister love you! We will not be divided as a faimily. We all stand together. You cannot manipulate us…that is set in stone. You have been given all the tools you could possibly need for life…up to you whether you want to use those tools or not.”
Tough love, Carol…it hurts us too!
THANK YOU LOUISE, YOUR SUPPORT MEAN’S SO MUCH TO ME ,GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY YOU ARE ON MY PRAYER LIST , I PRAY IN AGREEMENTS WITH YOU ALL, ALSO PASTOR CHRIS AND YOUR FAMILY,GOD HAS BEEN ANSWERING PRAY GOD IS SO AMAZING, MY HUSBAND GOT HIS S S DISABILITY, WHICH WE ARE SO THANKFUL FOR, AND THAT WILL HELP WITH HIS STRESS,, I DON’T KNOW WHY ALL THIS HAPPEN MY HUSBAND’S HEALTH, WE LOST MOST EVERYTHING WE WORKED FOR 36 YEARS, YOU CAN’T EVER HAVE ENOUGH MONEY SAVED BACK ,, WE USED UP ALL OUR SAVING’S AND SOLD MOST OF WHAT WE OWNED. AND WHAT WE WOULDN’T SELL, WE LOST LIKE OUR HOME AND CAR PLUS WE LOST OUR MOST PRECIOUS GIFT OUR DAUGHTER,, I THOUGHT MY LIFE WAS OVER, AND MY WORLD HAD ENDED, DON’T FEEL SORRY FOR US , BECAUSE I TELL YOU THE TRUTH OUR LIVES HAVE JUST BEGUN, THE LORD HAS BLESSED US BYOND WORDS WE LIVE IN A LOVELY HOUSE A MAN WE NEVER EVEN NEW APPEARED IN OUR LIVES AND WE LIVE IN HIS HOUSE RENT FREE FOR THE PAST YEAR, ISN’T THAT AMAZING, WHO DOES THAT, WELL THIS CHRISTIAN MAN HAS, IT’S UNBELIVEABLE THIS IS A VERY NICE TWO STORY BRICK HOME IN A VERY NICE PART OF TOWN, ( THIS IS WHAT GOD DOES)THIS PAST YEAR WE HAVE HAD AMAZING PEOPLE COME UP TO BAT FOR US, GOD GIVES US ALL WE NEED THEN SOME,I JUST CAN’T EXPRESS ALL THE GREAT THINGS THAT GOD HAS DONE, AFTER A YEAR AND THE MONEY STARTED RUNNING LOW, GOD WALKED US THEW THIS PAST YEAR, I LOOK BACK AND IT IS AMAZING WHAT GOD CAN DO ,PRAISE HIM, MY HUSBAND AND I ARE CLOSER TO THE MASTER THAN WE HAVE EVER BEEN, AND WE PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME,, SO 2 YEARS AGO SEEMS LIKE A LIFE TIME AGO, WE HAVE COME TO TERM’S WITH OUR DAUGHTER AND KNOW OUR FATHER WILL TAKE CARE OF HER, LIFE IS ALL ABOUT CHOICE, SO YOU SEE THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER, I TRY TO LIVE TO PLEASE THE FATHER, HE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR US,I WILL NEVER GIVE UP AND NEVER STOP PRAYING FOR MY BEAUTIFUL GIRL, BUT FOR NOW SHE HAS GOT TO FINE HER OWN WAY BACK, AND WE ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR WHEN SHE CALLS OUT FOR US. GOD BE WITH ALL OUR CHILDREN AND HELP THEM FINE THE PATH YOU HAVE FOR THERE LIFE’S, IN YOUR SONS GREAT NAME JESUS CHRIST FOREVER AMEN AMEN LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL I THANK YOU ALL FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME , I SEE I HAVE WRITTEN A LOT ON THIS WEB,, THIS WEB HAS BEEN SUCH A BLESSING FOR ME, IT IS WONDERFUL KNOWING THAT SOME ONE WILL READ WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN AND PRAY !!!!!!!!!!!!
Louise,
What you last said to your daughter was excellent. I plan on using those words as a guideline for what I say to our daughter.
Amy
Carol,
I’m continuing to pray for your relationship with your daughter.
And I’m also praying for your husband’s health…I’m glad to hear that is has stabilized, somewhat.
AMY, THANK YOU SO MUCH , I DO APPRECIATE THE PRAYERS, I REALLY FEEL THE MASTER ‘S HAND IN OUR LIFE, YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS ALSO AND I HAVE YOU ON MY PRAYER LIST, AND I NEVER TAKE ANY ONE OFF MY PRAYER LIST, NO MATTER WHAT I WILL ALWAYS PRAY IN AGREEMENTS WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY , GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,,,, YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
HELLO PRECIOUS PEOPLE, I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR THE PRAYERS, MY HUSBAND IS DOING BETTER, PRAISE GOD, AND HE GOT HIS DISABILITY, PRAISE GOD FINANCIALY WE ARE GOING TO BE OK AND HE IS GETTING A LARGE BACK-PAY, WHICH IS GREAT, IT WILL GET US BACK ON TRACK WITH OUR LIFE’S, WE PRAISE THE LORD FOR THAT, WE HAVE BEEN IN THIS STORM FOR JUST OVER TWO YEARS AND WE ARE SEEING IT STARTING TO CLEAR, OUR DAUGHTER IS STILL OUT THERE SOME WHERE, BUT MY HUSBAND CALLED HER SUN. AND SHE ANSWERED AND SHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS FINE, AT LEAST HE HEARD HER VOICE, AND HE SAID SHE SOUNDED OK, WE KNOW OUR MASTER’S HANDS WILL TAKE CARE OF HER. I PRAY ALL ON THIS WEB. ARE DOING OK AND YOU ALL ARE ALWAYS IN MY PRAYERS . GOD BE WITH YOU ALL, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Glad to read your encouraging news in regards to your husband’s health! He is so faithful! Praises and honor to Him!
Thank-you for sharing, Carol!
Our daughter is supposed to be getting married the 24th of this month…haven’t heard of the particular details..such as …where and when it is to take place. Who knows, we may not be invited!
I have a feeling that is the case..as we are not “co-operating” with his inane requests! We are standing firm…and quietly waiting.
JUST DROPPED IN TO SAY YOU ARE ALL STILL IN MY PRAYERS AND GOD BLESS EACH ONE OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY’S, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
I have 18 year identical twins and i am weary and broken hearted my wife and i have adopted several children most from the foster system .A brief history of the childre and some family history .My wife Tracy and I [ john ] we got involved in foster to try and show christ love to these orphans that did not have a family or home i never thought this would be easy but I guess I under estimated the amont of pain anger rebellion that these young adults are carrying around with them .We adopted a girl at 14 that was involved in prostUition she is 23 is unwed has 2 children my grand kids and lives with a young man in government housing she works he dosent and he wont marry her .I adopted my wifes child at 9 she is 22 we had some great years until the rebellion started she ran off eloped divided family with untruths posted untrue things all over the internet stole thousands of dollars on and on she is very intellectual and has used it for her gain at the expense of us and others mostly me john I am the man and try to tak care of those things that are more in your face gind of stuff my wife dosent do well with that . We also adopted a special needs child at 2 weeks we got her from the hospital out of the premie ward she is seven years old now and alot of work but alot of fun she is in first grade due to some developmental delay .She is doing well ,THANK YOU JESUS . OK NOW WE ARE BACK ON THE TWINS ADOPTED THEM WHEN THEY WERE 14 SINCE WE ADOPTED THEM THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN WITHUS EMOTIONALLY NO MATTER WHAT I HAVE DONE WE HAVE SHOWN THEM UNCONDTIONAL LOVE I HAD TO ASK THEM TO LEAVE AT 17 IT REALLY WAS A ULTIMATIUMN GO TO SCHOOL OR GET OUT THE CHOOSE TO LEAVE NOW ONE OF THEM IS BACK .I GOT HIM ENROLLED IN HIGH SCHOOL THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY I WOULD ALLOW HIM TO COME BACK HE IS REALLY COOL OR GOOD KID LOVESA MUSIC CHURCH SEEMS TO BE DOING OK WITH ALL EXCEPT OUR AUTHORITY HIDES IN HIS ROOM READS VAMPIRE BOOKS ONLY DOES WHAT IMAKE HIM DO AROUND THE HOUSE HE IS ALITTLE BOY IN JUST ABOUT EVERY WAY I HAVE GIVEN HIM ANOTHER ULTIMATIUMN IF HE WONT COMMUNICATE WITH ME OR DO THINGS WITHOUT BEING MADE I DONT NEED THE STRESS ICOULD SHARE SO MANY SITUATIONS HE WOULD RATHER ME KICK HIM OUT PUT ON A BUS SOME WHERE RATHER THAN DISCUSS ANYTHING WITH US WHAT DO IDO THIS WILL RUIN HIS LIFE HE WILL NOT OPEN UP
HI JOHN , WELL FIRST I WANT TO PRAISE GOD FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND YOUR WIFE, FOR CARING SO MUCH FOR THESE CHILDREN, I CAN FEEL YOUR LOVE FOR THEM AND YOUR PAIN. MY NAME IS CAROL AND YOU CAN READ MANY COMMENT’S ON THIS SITE ( THIS SITE HELPED SAVE MY LIFE) THAT I HAVE WRITTEN,AS YOU SEE MY LIFE IS IN NO POSITION TO GIVE ADVICE TO ANYONE, BUT I CAN TELL YOU TO STAND STRONG IN THE WORD AND KNOW HE WILL HELP YOU AND GUIDE YOU, ITS NOT EASY, BUT OUR LORD IS FAITHFUL, WE HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH OUR DAUGHTER FOR TWO YEAR’S,AND FOR THE LAST MONTH OR SO SHE HAS BEEN CALLING HER DAD, OR HE CALL’S HER AND SHE WILL ANSWER( SHE DIDN’T BEFORE) THEY TALK ABOUT SILLY LITTLE THING’S THAT DON’T MEAN MUCH, AND MY HUSBAND DOES MOST OF THE LISTENING, BUT THAT IS OK, WE ARE SO THANKFUL WE HEAR FROM HER AT ALL, WE ARE TRYING TO BE PATIENCE WITH HER AND LET HER COME TO US,( ITS NOT EASY) AND TRUSTING THAT IN HER TIME SHE WILL MAKE GOOD DECISION’S FOR HERSELF AND WE KNOW THAT THE MASTER IS IN CONTROL, MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR WIFE AND ALWAYS REMEMBER THE LORD IS ALWAYS NEAR AND THE EVIL ONE IS ALWAYS WAITING. ( I LIKE READING THIS , IT HELP’S ME, 1 CORINTHIANS-13, 4-13 YOU ARE NOT ALONE, I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, TRY TO STAY IN THE WORD AND YOU AND YOUR WIFE TRY TO STICK TOGETHER AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER , GOD BE WITH YOU MY FRIEND, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL GODS BLESSINGS
I PRAY ALL ON THIS SITE IS DOING WELL YOU ALL ARE IN MY PRAYERS , GOD IS GOOD AND HE DOES ANSWER PRAY IN HIS TIME , EVERYTHING IS REAL GOOD IN OUR LIFES, OUR DAUGHTER STILL ISNT TALKING AND WE DONT KNOW WHERE SHE IS BUT GOD DOES AND HE IS CARING FOR HER. AND HE IS TAKING WONDERFUL CARE OF US AND WE KNOW IN OUR HEARTS OUR FAMILY WILL BE RESTORED AND I KNOW ALL YOUR FAMILYS WILL ALSO GOD BLESS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU READING THIS , YOU ARE LOVED ,, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Well, It has been a long time since I have written anything on this wall. So much has transpired since then. Long story, made very short… One month ago, our duaghter gave us less than two weeks notice that she and her boyfirend were going to be married. They are now married…and for some strange reason, we all feel relieved. I know we are not relieved because she has married this fellow, because that is a dangerous union, but because we all have the sense that she is now truly in the hands of our Heavenly Father. It is as if He has taken all the torment away, all the agony of soul…and He has it all. Our backs to the wall…our hearts in His hands. It is times and moments like these that we trust that He has stepped in…and His plans are in motion. Somehow, I believe she is going to come out of this. It may be a few years, but I know He is faithful. His eye is on the sparrow..so is His eye and Hand on our lost children. God bless you all!
HAPPY NEW YEAR’S, PRAYING ALL WILL BE BETTER IN 2010, FOR US ALL , WE ARE STILL IN THE SAME SITUATION WITH OUR DAUGHTER, WE DON’T KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES, BUT OUR LORD DOES, AND OUR FAITH IN THE FATHER’S WORD WILL TAKE CARE OF ALL THINGS, WE DID RECEIVE A CHRISTMAS CARD FROM OUR DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBAND WHICH WE ARE GRATEFUL, OUR LORD HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO US I CAN’T TELL YOU ,OUR LIFE IS SO GOOD, AND WE KNOW IN OUR LORD’S PERFECT TIME OUR FAMILY WILL BE RESTORED, PRAISE HIM I WILL NEVER STOP PRAYING FOR YOU ALL, AND OUR CHILDREN, GOD BLESS !! LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL,,,, PASTOR CHRIS, I PRAY ALL IS WELL, I PRAY YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR, GODS BLESSING’S ALWAY’S
Thanks Carol. I pray that you will have a blessed 2010. Christ is all.
It has been a long time again since I wrote on this post!
My husband and I wish you all a very Happy and Blessed and Healthy 2010!
Our daughter is totally out of reach…we do not know where or how she is. We figured that would happen once she married the boyfirend.
Drugs are definately at the bottom of all this craziness. We know Who is the Author and finisher of our duahgter’s life…Hope all is going better for the rest of you!
Again…Happy New Year!
LOUISE, I REALLY HATED HEARING THAT, YOU ARE IN MY PRAYER’S, I DON’T KNOW THE REASON FOR OUR CHILDREN ‘S ACTION’S. I WILL PRAY THEY WAKE UP, AND SEE WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO THERE SELF’S, GOD ‘S BLESSING’S ON YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
TY for the prayers…He is ever faithful…He knows where she is…and knows all the whys and all her innermost thoughts. He can bring her back….on HIS terms. We are all praying…and we are all exhausted, empty, and full of sorrow AND seeing glimpses of HOPE in Him. We have NO control, no hands on at all! This is when I think of that song sung by Carrie Underwood, “Jesus, Take the Wheel!”
Again, Goe Bless you all…and have a Blessed and Healthy New Year!
Just dropped by to see how all of you are doing. We still have not heard from our daughter. This long silence is a killer, to say the least. Still trusting that He is looking in on her…
I have been reading these posts and am overwhelmed to see that I am not alone in what I am going through. To read others comments and see the feelings that I have felt, the ups and downs, is really amazing. It seems like we are riding an emotional roller coaster, not sure of what emotion may be lerking around the bend.
I have a wonderful church family! My husband and I have five children. My oldest three, my husband adopted and in his heart, they are his. We are very involved in the church. I home school my children. I have always felt that our family was close.
Over the past one to two years my oldest daughter and I have really had problems. She just really didn’t like being told what to do. She wouldn’t do her school work. She has been quite manipulating to get her way. Her attitude seemed to flow on to her brother and sister which are also teenagers. She is now 18 and has moved out. All the things I thought I knew about her, I was obviously wrong. I feel as if I don’t know her at all anymore. I have questioned myself on more than 100 occasions as a mother. She blames me for her rebellious attitude and I don’t believe my heart has ever ached like it has since Jan. 3rd when she moved out. The kicker that I must state is that she developed a relationship with someone who goes to our church. He is quite a bit older than her and was not raised to cook and clean with responsibilities like she has had. My children have to actually work at home, chores. Priviledges had to be shared, such as the computer. Because of having five children, to keep them from fighting for the computer priveledges, they each had a day. I understand that in this day and time, that my children are not the typical, they feel deprived. Most have free access to the internet and have cell phones and little or no chores. That is not the case here. Well, this fellow, whose family is as much a part of the church (for longer actually) as we are didn’t agree with our parenting. He has told her how awful she had it and actually helped her plan to move out. I want to say here that they have “went together” this makes the forth time. He never had time for her. Lost interest. Found someone else. Then left her heart broken. This is the forth time and now she is gone. They are doing things that she said she would never do until marriage and has spoken to me about it. I am afraid for her. She comes over but she is distant; non feeling, like a stranger. I’m careful what I say, very uncomfortable around her. At the same time, I don’t trust her with her brothers and sisters mainly because of her attitude towards my husband and I and her lifestyle (morals). She has broke my heart, I love her, but I don’t trust her. She has really downed my husband and I along with her boyfriend (I think because we didn’t like her seeing him). It has put quite a stain on us at church. We continue to go, although it is hard. I dread church, I actually get physically sick from anxiety, I believe the closer it gets to Sunday. My daughter still goes quite regularly. Her boyfriend goes some also. I’m glad my daughter is there, but it is hard. I just can’t explain it. I feel like her boyfriend is just wanting to hurt us at her expense. I avoid his family. It just isn’t a good situation to be in a small community church where I have spent years praying for unity, to feel the way I do. We also have bible study on Wed. nights and I have a ladies’ bible study group on Tues., but I don’t get as stressed about these times I believe because my daughter and her boyfriend or his family do not come to these.
I’m sorry that this has been so very long, but I just didn’t know how to explain this any better. I have definitely been in prayer and in the bible! I have been asking God to help me with the way I am feeling. I’m going through the change of life which definitely isn’t helping me cope. I cry constantly. I question my faith. I have seen good actually come from this bad situation, as I always have when I’ve been through trials. God is amazing how He takes something bad and uses it for good! But, lately I don’t feel His presence like I should. I have been searching for direction from Him.
Thank you for any help that you can share with us. I have been praying for the families I have read about on these blogs and I appreciate this web site. God Bless.
Hi, Pam.
I don’t really think I have advice for you…I just want to let you know that, at least for me, the situation won’t ALWAYS feel like a nightmare. We’re doing the trial and error way of dealing with our daughter.
We got closer to our daughter for a while, then our relationship went backwards. I think a lot of it has to do with her finding out, over time, that she can’t always depend on those other people in her life. But then they start treating her well again(usually just to use her), and she reverts to treating family with disrespect again.
I must admit that, each time she says she wants back in our lives, and says yes, she’ll treat us with respect, and then she reverts back to the disrespectful daughter she used to be, it hurts all over again.
But we’re getting stronger. We’re looking at how this is hurting our other kids – and my husband and me – and we’re starting to stand up to our daughter to protect the rest of us.
Am I reading correctly that you feel that people at your church are blaming you for all the problems? Is that why you feel uncomfortable there? That is one of our problems…but with relatives. She’s so sweet with them, that, at least some, seem to think all of the problem lies with my husband and me. I just keep telling myself that God, and we, know the truth. And I HAVE to do what’s right, even if I look bad to others.
Tomorrow she’s supposed to come over, and we’re supposed to see, AGAIN, if we can work on things, but I’m losing hope. It’s happened too many times before. But I must say that out house has become a happy home. My other two kids get along wonderfully.
From the time my oldest was about 7 years old(she’s 19 now, and moved out almost a year ago), there was rarely a fun, happy day at our house. Now there’s rarely a day that ISN’T happy and loving. I’m focusing on that, and not on how WRONG it seems that I am estranged, quite often, from one of my kids.
I’ve prayed for you, Pam, and will continue to.
Thank you Amy for your prayers and concerns. I am praying for your family also. I can definitely relate to what you were saying about how your daughter seems to be disrespectful when she is listening to others that aren’t looking out for her best interest. My daughter’s attitude changes back and forth like that also.
As far as my church goes, no, I don’t really think that they think this situation is our fault, although I know that there are probably some who do, but that is not my problem. Like you said, God and I know the hearts involved and how we have lived our lives. But, I feel like a hypocrite going to church and feeling the way I do about the boy that I feel is trying to hurt my daughter just to get back at us for not wanting her to see him. I’m sad and I don’t like being around others at all right now to tell you the truth, much less a crowd. I don’t feel like pretending everything is okay and neither do I want to discuss it and cry. I hope I am explaining this where you can understand what I mean. I basically would like to concentrate on my family here at home and isolate myself from the world for a while until I get better at dealing with it. I’m going to the doctor Monday and hope and pray that he will be able to help me where I can get some rest and just feel better. I haven’t been to the doctor since 2005, that was when my youngest son was born. When my daughter was here, it wasn’t good for the past two years. It is much better now, but I am scared for her. The entire family is healing. I find myself wondering about my other children and how they are going to be later on. If I really know them, or how they feel. All I can do is pray and be there for them when they want to talk to me. I have a 16 yr. old son, a 14 yr. old daughter, a 6 yr. old daughter and a 4 yr. old son at home besides my 18 yr. old daughter that recently left home. I have got to let my daughter go and concentrate on the ones here. I loved what Louise told her daughter; that she loved her always, she loved her enough to let her go her own way, that she was grown and that she would have to live with the consequences of her choices. That’s basically what I’m trying to do. Let it go and let God. She also stated how much bigger God is than us and that He would be there when she cried out to Him.
Thank you again for your response to me Amy. I’m not glad that you are going through this, but it does help to have someone that you can speak with about this and know that they can relate.
I’m praying for your family Amy.
Dear Louise,
I am praying for you and your family. I pray you will hear from your daughter soon. He is definitely looking in on her.
Love,
Pam
Dear Pam,
I just logged back in here since my last post one month ago. I began reading your first post…and I can tell you I can relate. This entire family can relate!
I can guarantee you that the enemy of our souls has been at work! He is cunning. He is swift to create doubt, uncertainty, divisions, and confusion. I am stunned to see that in your church, that there is a group of people already planted there to create a division in your own Christ centered family!
We raised five children also. We can relate about the shared responsibilities and shared time with the computer. That is not abuse…that is training. It is instilling Godly character into them…let us not forget the love and respect for one another! It stuns me to think that your daughter and ours have traded loving people for users and abusers! I, like you, found going to church, the HOUSE of our LORD JESUS, had turned from utter joy, peace, and strength to utter anxiety and depression. These are also wiles of the enemy! That is now changing through God’s comfort and grace for us…although our daughter is married to the one we warned her about…she is now in an abusive situation…and I saw her for the first time last Friday…at her place of work. We are not allowed at their residence, which she pays for everything..he does not work. She is so thin…and her health is now compromised. When she reached to hug me…she reached, which she would not do before these past 2 or so years;and, when I hugged her..she was so emaciated I thought she would break. I dare not think about the Hell she is enduring under this man’s cruelty…but I pray…and I let her talk…
I have an appointment in an hour..and I must go now. I will send another response to you after I can log back on this evening. Until then, know that HE is also making intercession. I understand the agony and pain you are enduring..sending prayers for you and your family. Everyone suffers in this…especially a family such as yours that has truly played, worked, loved, and prayed together!
Ask Him to show you HOW HE is seeing this…and ask Him to grant you HIS heart in it…AND pray!!!! I know you have…but an earnest heart he never refuses! I have asked the elders in the church to anoint us and pray for us…every time those doors were opened. The sting of death is what I like to call this that has hit us and deeply set its sting into our souls.
Later,
Much love for all of you…In His Name..I pray His peace for you today!
Well…it is late and I have come back to write a bit more.
I had finally come to the realization that our daughter’s negative, rebellious, hard responses, arguments…were all secondary to alcohol and/or drug abuse. One month ago, I have started attending ALA-NON meetings…and am healing from this blow… I am gaining tools to work through this nightmare. We received an email from our daughter that she had a miscarriage due to low iron and follic acid deficiency…which clued me that she is now a full blown alcohol/drug addict. I am an RN.
The last meeting I learned that the addiction is not the only problem, BUT the underlying causes that contribute to the addiction…be it sexual, alcohol, drugs, etc. addiction.
I also have learned about the three “C”s:
I learned that:
I am not the CAUSE!
I am not the CONTROLS..the breaks, the gas, the road map
I am NOT the CURE!
There is more…but, I need to get to bed in a few minutes. Tomorrow is my Bible Study. I continue to study His Word, seek His comfort, and reach to Him to heal and carry us through this. I am seeing that my perspective has been changing…He has been at work in our lives. Praise Him!
Later good people!
Dear Louise,
Thank you so much for the encouraging words. I can’t tell you how it makes me feel to be able to communicate with others this way. It is somehow refreshing. I have also stayed in the Word and have been seeking to know what I am suppose to learn from this experience. I have felt like I was losing my mind. I thought it was because I was going through the change of life, but my doctor informed me that it wasn’t that and has prescribed me anxiety medications. I don’t like taking medication but I do feel that I need them right now. I cry continuously and find myself just kind of dwifting through life wishing I didn’t have to go anywhere or do anything. It’s quite rediculous. I’m fighting it with all of my strength. As a matter of fact, I was asked to go speak at another church Sunday and I did. That was quite a challenge. I am looking forward to Easter. What a wonderful time to celebrate! God is with me and I try with all my heart to keep my focus on Him and not my problems, but they continue to creep in at times, but I am getting better. Praise God!
Probably the thing that bothers me more than anything else is the way I feel about my daughter. I am so sad. My daughter doesn’t show any signs of any type of abuse with alcohol or drugs, but it is obvious that she listens to “the boy” in her life much more than my husband and me. I just don’t know how much she will compromise. I feel like she had me fooled while she lived here and that I didn’t know her at all. I can’t believe how selfish she is. I guess it is shock and sorrow. I wonder if we’ll ever be able to mend.
Well, I must go. I’ve been gone all day to appointments and Ladies’ Bible study. I have to spend some quality time with my children, cook dinner and work on some Easter projects.
Thank you again Louise for encouraging me. I am so sorry for what you are going through with your daughter. I have her in my prayers and I pray especially for her protection and peace for your family.
Love,
Pam
Dear Pam,
I am in agreement: I, too, am thank-ful for this site so that we can find comfort in numbers. The agony has definately shrunk, and the days where I never could get out of bed…in fetal position, crying non-stop: those days are no more. I now look forward to greeting the day and planning for living again.
You see, time heals, but so does prayer. Everytime the church doors were opened, we were there…at the altar praying and asking for anointing with oil. We had an experience in January when we were having prayers said over us at the altar, and being anointed with oil by the elders: something broke inside myself…that grief, that agony, that sting of death…was cut! I cannot explain it…it was as if He had reached down and did surgery on us…We have not been the same since that day. And, my mind, my thinking was no longer clouded with that dark cloud of consuming grief, that inconsolable sorrow. In the night, during my sleep…answers to how to deal with our situation came to me. That is how I started attending ALANON meetings…through those night dreams. He is directing our footsteps. I know He is and will continue to direct yours as well…as all those here, too.
Interesting, isn’t it? that when you cannot sustain yourself, hold your head up, nor think…that is when you are called upon to minister?
I was appointed to teach a class in another church during this time. I was also scheduled to work the preschool program at church…and started writing material for that. Then, I was approached to be a greeter every fourth Sunday {I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE!}…when I did not have the strength, the will, the anything to do anything.
As to our daughter and the alcohol/drugs, we did not think that was the crux of her rebellious behavior. I thought it was some other issue….which is more than likely the cause for the drugs, etc. Of course, these enhanced the behavior changes.
I am discovering what it is to DAILY work out our salvation…somedays it was minute by minute!
I thank-you for your response. I thank Him for the testimony that is going to come out of all our circumstances. I have also begun to see His heart in all this…and getting glimpses on how He thinks. It is changing me. Praise God!
Love to you and your family…and I am praying for your situation as well.
Love to you dear sister, Pam,
Louise
P.S
Pam, this is a process, I have been discovering. Our Jesus knows the way through it, not around it, not outside of it…BUT through this storm!
You are going to make it!! Face your winds, face those storms He has allowed to come to you! This is going to build faith, build strength, build character, produce Christ in you! Who knows? Others will be comforted with the comfort you will sustain from our Jesus!
Remember, He HAD to permit the enemy of our soul to attack our loved ones! Remember our dear brother Job?
Sleep peacefully,
Love,
Louise
Dear Louise,
Ah yes, Job. What trials he had. He also didn’t have very much encouragement as I have gracefully had, thanks be to my Lord and Saviour. He lost so much, so suddenly. What a man of God! The book of Job is such a wonderful book to marvel at how magnificent God is also. I adore the 38th and 39th chapters.
I sat down and started doing a Bible Study tonight after my family and I finished our nightly devotionals and Bible readings. Everything was quiet, all were sleeping, which is very rare around this house of now six. I enjoy this peaceful time more than I can explain. Anyway, we are studying the Revelation at our church and have been for well over 2 years now and we are on the 12th chapter. The workbook we are using is Wisdom of the Word. I must say, this has been the most rewarding study I have ever encountered. We have been all over the Bible. There are many different opinions and it doesn’t seem like anyone totally agrees with each other’s interpretation totally even among some of the most seasoned commentators/pastors/scholars. Back to what I was wanting to state about my personal time of study on this one particular lesson. Chapter 12:5-6 are the focus of this lesson and it questioned how had God prepared to care for the woman. As I went along it began speaking of the benefits the righteous receive from taking refuge in God. How marvelous God is! I thank Him for His Living Word! I thank Him for providing encouraging Godly people for me in my days of distress. I thank Him for you Louise and Amy and for this wonderful avenue to speak with others. I thank Him that I have an opportunity to pray for others on this blog.
God is our refuge! Just as we need a place of refuge, we need to be that place of refuge for others, and that you have been Louise. Thank you.
These scriptures lifted me tonight and I thought that you may enjoy meditating on them also.
Psalm 57:1
Psalm 59:16
Psalm 61:3-4
Psalm 62:1-2
Psalm 63:7-8
Dear God please forgive me when I can’t see Your grace because I am focusing more on the problem than on the Problem Solver. Humble me Lord and help me to be a refuge to others for Your Glory.
Good Night.
Love,
Pam
Pam, people like you and Louise are such an encouragement to me as a pastor. This is how we as believers are to carry one each others burdens.
Pam that is so wonderful that your are pointing to the Psalms.
Louise, thank you for so being so faithful in commenting.
Do remember 2 Cor 4:16-18 and Revelation 21:3-5. Christ is all!
What else can be said? His Word says it all!
I loved your response, Pam. I thank-you for your encouragement as well. I have written those verses down…they are on 3″x5″ cards: on my night stand, in the visor in my car, and in my Bible! His Word is my life vest! “Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path..”
I just discovered during this long adventure of our lives, those very chapters in Job you cited, chapters 38 and 39. We were doing a study in “The Winds of God” last year and, a chapter or two in that study discussed the Book of Job and his character. I reread through the Book fo Job…and rediscovered those two chapters…and never really saw what was in them until we went through this storm in our lives, which is now going on 6 years now.
Yes, Job never had the comfort that we have been able to enjoy from this site…even his wife offered no comfort! Although his children continued to do their own thing, party hardy, etc…yet Job continued to offer daily sacrifices to God to cover those very children.
Thank-you, Chris, for those encouraging words to us! I cannot recall how it is I happened upon it last year, but this I do know: It has truly been a source of comfort. Just to know that we are not crazy, that we are not alone, that we can obtain comforting words from those enduring the same agony, and that community prayer and support are here. That is to your credit, Chris. I think of it as a fruitful “works”…a product of your faith in Him.
Again,
God’s peace for you all tonight.
Love you all,
Louise
Thank you Chris for this wonderful website and for your kind words. You have lifted my spirits again tonight with the scriptures. This life is but a vapor. We would do well to remember that and try and understand the bigger picture. Our focus needs to be on our eternal future and our testimony while we are here to hopefully lead others to Christ, including our children by the way we respond to them during these difficult times. We need to build the Kingdom!
It is so easy to get wrapped up in self pity. I am so glad that I fought the urge to stay away from church. This Easter season has been so enlightening. I have always marveled at what Jesus Christ suffered for me, a sinner, but during this time of grieving, God has been pointing me to the cross. My grief doesn’t compare. Without Christ I would have NO hope. Absolutely none! I want to please Him first and foremost! I want to bring Him glory and honor.
Oh, and then to turn to the Revelation verses you gave. God shall wipe away all tears from our eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. God on His throne said that He will make all things new. What amazing promises to the children of God! Thank you for bringing these scriptures to mind.
Yes Louise, Job didn’t have any encouragement what so ever. He sat on the ash pile waiting, begging for death.
(I’m curious Louise about a statement you made concerning Job’s children. You stated that they did their own thing, that they partied hardy. I was wondering why you thought that, I didn’t see it that way. I thought that Job covered them daily “just in case” they had sinned. I’m not saying they didn’t, I just love Bible Study and would like your thoughts on that.)
Don’t you know that when Job went through that terrible overwhelming trial, that He was blown away by the way God blessed Him!
What a marvelous God we serve! How He loves and cares for us! As we build His Kingdom, He will work in our lives. He works all things for good to those who love Him. And when I am weary and sad, I can run to Him for rest. He is my refuge!
Oh Chris, I thank you for your obedience to this ministry. It is a great source of encouragement to me and from what I have read, many others.
Thank you Louise for your friendship. I feel as if we have been friends for many years and I can be completely honest with you about my feelings.
Above all, Thank you Father for placing these wonderful people in my life to encourage and support me and others. I pray You Father will bless their lives. You speak things into existence, You know the heart, You see the needs, You hear the cries of Your people. I pray that You will send Your Spirit to the hearts of everyone of these parents and make crystal clear the need for complete and total submission, especially me Father. Humble me Lord, go before me and guide me. I plead the Blood. In the name of Your precious Son, Jesus. AMEN
Good Night Everyone
Love,
Pam
I am on my way to bed after a very busy day and I wanted to stop by and share from my Bible reading with the family tonigh. I am so amazed when I read about Gideon. When God speaks to him while he is basically hiding out in fear. God calls him a mighty warrior. I can see Gideon looking around thinking to himself, are you talking to me? God tells him that He wants him to tear down his father’s altars to baal and because of his fear he does it at night. God bears with him his unbelief and not once but twice proves His power with the dew. And then, after all of that, He sends him to sneak a peak at the Medionites to hear the fear they have of Gideon before He gives them over to Gideon to build his faith with only 300 men. The Medianites camels were as the sand on the seashore. God is so very patient with us. But the greatest revelation I got from this story is how He speaks to us as He meant created us to be, not as we are or the way we see ourselves, but who we are in HIM! He wants us to walk with Him and be all that we can be. The enemy will use whatever he can to deter us from our destiny with our Father, the King. The enemy will even use our children. We must stand on the Word of God and keep our focus on Jesus Christ and what He has done for us because He loved us so much! That is the only way we will truly be free from the attacks of the enemy. I am amazed at how I am singing His praises today, when just a few days ago I was crying in my sleep. Thank You Father for opening my eyes to Your presence and comfort. Forgive me for taking my eyes off of You. I hope everyone reading this will have a glorious Easter.
God Bless you all,
Love,
Pam
I Love Easter! HE HAS RISEN! “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” ….”Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” (1 Cor. 15:54-55)
I pray everyone is doing well. How are you Louise and Amy? I miss hearing from you both.
There was a fatal accident Thursday. A 16 year old girl ran through and intersection and an 18-wheeler hit her car. She was on her way to school. Please keep the family of Hailey Hudson in your prayers.
We have so much to be thankful for.
Love,
Pam
How is everyone. It seems like forever since I have heard how everyone is doing. Just know that I am praying for everyone and that I think of your families often. Please also keep me and my family in your prayers. I got a call from my doctor and my pap was abnormal. I will be undergoing a biopsy May 4th. Thank you for your prayers.
May God Bless You All,
Pam
Psalm 34:18
The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart…..
Don’t you just love that! God is so good all the time.
Still praying for all of you and our children.
Love,
Pam
Dear Louise and Amy,
How are you both? I miss hearing from you. You and your families are in our (my family’s) prayers. Please update on how you are all doing. Thank you also Chris for this wonderful outlet that allows us to pray for others and encourage each other.
Love,
Pam
Happy Mother’s Day everyone. Still praying.
Love,
Pam
Hi Pam! Thanks for stopping by. Happy Mother’s Day to you all.
Thank you Chris! 🙂
Wow! Time certainly flies by! I have not been on since our grand-daughter’s birth on March 30th! I hope you are all doing well at this time.
Thank-you, Chris, for the greeting! Pam, and everyone else who reads this forun, I also wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day!
We have heard from our daughter three times within the past week.
A week ago Friday night and again Sunday…when she just returned home from an ER visit. Her comment was, “I told the lady from church,{ who had to drive her to the hospital…her husband doesn’t have a driver’s license.}”that my mom is a nurse and she always took good care of me.” Interesting comment from a duahgter who had disowned us all!
She is having some health issues…as someone put it in this forum a while back..”If you choose to sin, you choose to suffer!”
I called her Monday, asked her if she would like her father and I to meet her for lunch on Friday..and she replied a very excited and emphatic “YES!”
We picked her up from her place of work for her lunch hour…ate at a local restaurant. She looked tired, but much better than when I had
seen her a while back. At this time, the ugly attitude, the “I KNOW it all” attitude, snotty face and body language…all were gone that day.
My husband and I read Psalms 119 every night…plus other scriptures. I love that one, Pam…Psalm 34…those Psalms are full of comfort! Without these experiences, I do not think I would have known how comforting they all are!
I will be coming back more now. The baby is 5 weeks old, and son and his lovely wife are getting things under control now!
Thank-you Pam and Chris for the Mother’s Day wishes…AND for all the prayers!
God Bless you all!
Well…this evening I received a phone call from our daughter…wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day!
She did not want to hang up…she wanted to talk, talk, talk…and to grieve openly over her recent miscarriage. I gave her Psalms 34 to read…and 118 and 119 for tonight. I told her that her father and I have been praying for her, and will definately hold both her and her husband up in prayer these coming days. Asked her if she wanted to meet for lunch again..and she said “YES!” She set the date for Friday…so, we have a lunch date. I am going to look for some matterial on miscarraige recovery from a Christian perspective. Please pray…I know you have. We most certainly have need of His counsel in this matter…and His direction for her.
Thank-you all for listening…and good night!
PRAISE GOD ,, SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU ALL,, SO ENCOURAGING,, THANKS FOR SHARING DAN,, AND LOUISE,, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
I MISS MY DAUGHTER SO BADLY, WE HAVE NOT TALKED FOR OVER A YEAR,, PLEASE PRAY FOR ME TO STAY STRONG IN THE WORD,, THANK YOU,, LOVE IN CHRIST CAROL
I am so sorry to hear about your grief over the time away from your daughter Carol. I will definitely pray for you to hear from her.
I am so glad that you are building your relationship with your daughter again Louise. Let’s pray for Carol that she will have this opportunity also.
My daughter is still in a rebellious type stage, however she does come to the house and I see her quite often. God is in control. I pray for her continuously however, I trust that God hears my prayers and will do whatever it takes to reach her and bring her back to the narrow path that she knows is right. I can see Him working in her life although she is rebelling, He is ever present and I take great comfort in that. My focus is no longer on her, it is on Him. I have tremendous peace now that I didn’t have when I was focusing on her and dwelling on her moods and actions.
I am so sorry for the estrangement of all of these families, but God is marvelous at restoration. Don’t lose hope. All things are possible with God! He is bigger than any problem you face.
My heart is burdened by a family who is undergoing a tremendous shock. Please help me pray for this family. A young mother, 31 years old, was just diagnosed with colon cancer. Stage IV. It was in her colon including being attached to the colon wall, the liver, the rectum and the lymph nodes. She has two little boys, 19 months old and 3 years old. This is about as bad as it gets, however I know God can heal. Please pray for this family. The young mother’s name is Erin.
Thank you for your prayers and I will be in prayer for all of you also.
Love,
Pam
Hello, again, to everyone. I stop in to read posts frequently, and
I pray for those who have been posting here, but life has been
hectic, and I’m sorry to say that I have not kept up with posting,
myself.
I’m so sorry, Carol, for your pain. Please know that we are praying
for you and for your daughter.
I’m happy to read, Pam, that you still have frequent contact with
your daughter. In a way, it’s painful to watch the rebellious child
being, well, rebellious, and yet it’s even harder when they are not
around at all.
Praise God, Louise, for this new attitude in your daughter!! What
a happy surprise to read that she seems to be desirous of a new,
better relationship with you. It sounds as though her attitude is
definitely more humble. And congratulations on the birth of your
grandchild.
We’ve had ups and downs with our daughter the past few months.
She would have a more respectful attitude, we’d get our hopes up,
then things would change for the worse, and we’d be heartbroken
all over again.
We’ve had to learn to be firm — almost rigid — with her concerning
what attitude we would tolerate from her. There were times she
would visit, we’d have a problem, we’d try to work it out in a loving
way, but meet with nothing but flippant, insulting retorts, or excuses,
from her. Instead of trying, and trying, and trying…REPEATEDLY,
we’ve learned to tell her to leave our house pretty quickly after
seeing that she WASN’T trying to work it out.
The past month, or so, she seems to have definitely made a change
for the better. She gave me a letter of apology for the way she has
always treated me. She’s done this before, but this time the tone
of the letter seemed much more sincere than in the past, and her
improving — more respectful and loving — attitude seems to be
confirmation that she really means what she wrote.
We’ll see if this lasts. I’ve thought it would in the past, and
suddenly there would be a turn for the worse. I have hope in the
knowledge that God will never stop speaking to her.
I’m continuing to pray for all who post on this site, and I thank
everyone for their prayers…that’s definitely where our strength
and hope lies.
Amy
Well, so sorry it has been a bit of time since my last post. LIFE with rebellious children can be so hellacious!
Carol, our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family…especially for your daughter. She is lost…and I understand the pain and agony.
Like Amy’s daughter, our daughter has shown similar traits. I believe our daughter’s miscarraige has stunned and jolted her into a reality check! She is battling addiction. This is becoming more and more obvious; thus, the ups and downs of emotinal, abusive, angry outbursts and paranoia.
We are involved now with a rescue mission that deals solely in addictions/rehab…using Christian interventions, as well as the medical and counselling interventions. We are now volunteering with them..and taking part in their support system for the families and friends of addicts.
We received a terrifying telephone message 2 Sundays ago. We believe her husband is abusing her.. she was unable to tell us the actual reasoning behind that terrorized message. We can now only wait…and in terror at times.
I definately feel for you Carol…and your family. This is not easy…but I recall the scripture : The seed of the righteous are delivered. I also reread Psalm 34..Thanks Pam!
Also, read all those scriptures that give us promises and hope…I seek Him continually…and give Him this heartache…and I give Him all your heartaches as well!
Remember, good people…God is faithful!
His promises are Yes and Amen!
I pray for all of you…as we can only find that peace that passes ALL understanding in prayer…His desire, I have found in these dark days, is to heal and deliver. The seed of the righteous are delivered…I keep reminding Him…actually it is me being reminded of that!
God Bless you all…and know that our childrens’ hearts and souls are in His hands!
Love to you all!
How true Louise, everything is in His hands, and what wonderful hands for our circumstances to be in. He can deliver, heal, restore! Anything we ask believing will be given to us. He is our Father who loves us very much and wants the best for us. His ways are so much higher than our ways and His thoughts are so much higher than our thoughts. We don’t understand why things happen, but we have to trust Him. Completely! Trying to understand “why” is like trying to teach a baby how to build an air craft. It’s impossible, but great blessings come to those who trust completely in Him and praise Him regardless of the outcome, because we believe and trust that He is in control and knows completely what is best for His children who He loves so very much that He sent His own Son to the cross for our sins so that we would be able to spend eternity with Him. Give it all to Him. Your pain and sorrow, your fears, your heartaches and trust Him to take care of it for you and He will. Don’t take it back…let it go. It might not be the way you think you want it done or as fast as you think you want it done, but He will take care of it the best way in His timing. He can and He will if you only trust and believe. He loves you very much and He loves your child very very much also. We must always praise Him in the good and the bad times. I promise you this, if you or I try to work things out by our own efforts, we will make a mess of it, but God won’t. He knows exactly what He is doing. Trust Him and Pray continually. I am praying for all of you and your children and I know God is listening and I am thanking Him in advance for what He is doing in our lives and in our children’s lives.
Love,
Pam
Thank you, for this website that I just happened upon. I asked our son to find another place to live. And even, though I was willing to give him a few weeks to find one he chose to move out quickly,even while he had no place to go(I could see it upon his face). He said the only reason he was living with us was because it was free for him but came with a big price for us.He has gotten a DUI in the past month and is waiting to see his punishment. (He said he will chose 3 months in jail time just to get it over with). My heart is aching and I wished I had measured my words more carefully upon his departure. The pain was so great that I could not see past, myself.I see by all the postings that I am not alone.I see the importance of having a support group around you during these times.THe dui was not the issue only an example of your sins getting found out.He is 24 years old with a root of bitterness taking hold of him. His actions have been very hurtful to me and my husband, but we have tried over and over to show grace and mercy as imperfect as we are in our state of being.We are building this wall around us and even if he were to ask to move back in im afraid it would not be an option.He has lived out on the streets since 18 years old.I am at a lost on how to show love to someone who just rejects you all the time over and over.Who no matter how much you do and try to help them nothing is seen for what it is.We have 3 empty bedrooms willing to help him get on his feet but all attempts have failed. And I think we messed this one up by pointing out all his sins instead of just learning how to love someone who doesn’t love back.It’s very over whelming, please if anyone see’s this please pray and keep your postings going, it helps to know I am not alone in my thoughts and wounds. I know that the battle belongs to the Lord, I just need the boost from others to help me stay in that mindframe of keeping my thoughts upon the Lord. And to know that He really does love my child more than me.
Hi Paula. It’s Pastor Chris. I pray that the Lord will be with you and your husband and son. I do pray that you have a good church home where the Bible is preached. Several others do check this site and I think they will pray for you as well.
Dear Paula,
I am so sorry for what you are going through, but I am glad you found this site. I remember when I found it what a blessing it was to me and still is. We beat ourselves up, don’t we? We always question how we handle things and what we say and wish we had of done things differently, but when you are in the heat of a situation that is overwhelming, reactions don’t always happen the way we would want them to in hindsight. However, I can tell from what you have written that your son knows that you and your husband love him. I do believe in showing mercy and grace to our children, but I also believe that our children should be respectful. If they don’t show respect on their own, I believe it is our duty to demand it not only for our own good but for theirs. As much as I love my daughter, I am glad that she is not here at home if she can’t abide by our rules and be respectful. I believe I raised her with her best in mind out of love. She is grown now and I had to let go and let God guide her. I lift her up in prayer everyday continuously, but I am not burdened by guilt as I was. Children do manipulate us and make us question our parenting, but God does not want us to live under condemnation. I have been on the other side of the situation as a young adult and I was very hurtful towards my Mother which I am very sorry for now. I grew up once I realized I couldn’t blame anyone else for my life than myself. My Mother had to let go and pray for the best. She had to quit coming to my rescue. God never left me alone. He was always there convicting me of my actions. Guilt can be a source of bringing us where we need to be to cause us to come into true repentance. I know it is hard to turn your back on your children, but sometimes I believe it is necessary for our own sanity. (Not that we really turn our backs on them but there has to be a point where help doesn’t help.) God is in complete control. Trust Him and give your son to Him. God can speak to the heart, we just make a mess of it. I will be praying for you, your husband and your son. God does love our children more than we are capable of loving. Read Psalm 100 “We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. …. For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfullness to all generations.” Also read Psalm 16 and take refuge day and night in the Lord. May God Bless You Paula. 🙂
Paula,
I’m so sorry you are experiencing this heartbreak.
I have three children. I’ve always had as one of my top priorities to be an example of God’s love and mercy when dealing with my kids. Two of them have appreciated that from me, and have never taken advantage of it. But my oldest — the rebellious child — used it, abused it, took advantage of it, and used it against me. It was not until I started treating her more firmly, sometimes even harshly(when she was being disrespectful, etc.), that she has shown some real and consistent change for the better.
Please don’t beat yourself up for telling your son like it is…it might just be what he needs. It took a little while of doing this before my daughter started showing that change for the better, and it’s been one of those “three steps forward, two steps back” situations, so I’m not saying it has magically solved all of the problems we’ve had with our daughter, but it has surely been the right thing to do.
I’m very sleepy right now, and hope that this is making sense, but I wanted to reassure you, Paula, that you didn’t necessarily do the wrong thing by what you said that night to your son.
I’ll pray for your family.
Amy
Dear Amy,
I am glad to hear that your daughter is showing some changes for the better. That is very good news.
My daughter is also behaving like her old self again and it is refreshing. She is on her own now, but she is back to her old self. Praise the Lord! I’m sure a lot of it is because the fellow she was seeing and her have broken up. She finally saw him for who he was and how he truly felt about her. She has proven herself to be very strong and she has even apologized to some degree. I am very pleased with how everything is going. It all seemed to turn around when I quit letting it be my focus. This site was a tremendous help to me.
I would like to thank you all for your encouragement and support. You and your families are in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Paula,
I am so sorry for yur pain…have been walking that road for a long time…at the beginning I did not know or realize our daughter was into alcohol and drugs. Now, 5 years later, everything has come to the forefront..and all is exposed. Like you, we have a 3 empty bedrooms. she could have been home and gone to school..and been well on her way to a bright and happy future..but, not with alcohol, drugs, and now an abusive husband. My husband and I have come thru an entire gambit of emotions, etc…and now we truly and wholly rely on Him…and rest in His peace. There is no other way to turn, Paula…He will sustain you…and He will not leave your son alone. Pray that he get to the bottom of this rebellion and quickly! Also, what has really helped us…ALANON…try several different support groups. They give you so insight and support. The other support system, your church! Prayer is the thing that strengthens!
What opened my eyes, Paula, was the fact that was spoken to me at one of my Alanon meetings…and by a recovering alcoholic…”The addiction is not the problem with your loved one…it is deep seated anger!” Also, the man turned to me and said this…”Remember the 3 C’s…YOU are not the Cause, you are NOT the controls, and you are NOT the cure!
Psalm 34…and read everyday…pray it on your knees. A broken spirit and a contrite heart, He does not refuse! The seed of the righteous are delivered…These are just a few of the pronises He has given us…Prayers, hugs, and more prayers for you and your family.
THANK YOU BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN’S,, FOR YOUR PRAYERS, I TO AM PRAYING FOR EACH OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY’S ,, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEING LETTER’S,,I AM SO HAPPY THAT SOME OF YOUR DAUGHTER’S ARE STARTING TO SEE THE LIGHT, GOD BLESS EACH OF YOU, AND PRAISE GOD,, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Carol,
I understand the ache in your heart…and the void, empty place there is while not being able to see, nor hear from your daughter!
I know that she must be thinking of you and your husband, but the husband she has is like our daughter’s husband…controlling. We are praying with you, and for your daughter as well!
God Bless!
Much love to you!
Dear Paula,
This website will help you get through this. Like a church, we encourage and support each other, and there is not better time than wehn you are dealing with a rebellious child. No blame Paula, just God’s guidance. No looking back, just forward with God right by your side. I came across a scripture the other night that I have never noticed before but I found it to be so wonderful. 2 Chronicles 16 verse 9 “For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that he may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” I have always heard the verse about satan in Job speaking of him roaming the earth to see who he could devour, but never have I noticed this wonderful scripture. Did you notice that it says STRONGLY SUPPORT those whose heart is completely His. Isn’t that wonderful! And if the Lord is for us, who can be against us. Our God is a GREAT and AWESOME God and He can restore what you believe to be lost. He is the Great Restorer. Your relationship with your son is easily rectified through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Completely give Him your heart and He will strongly support you now and forever. I’m still praying for all of you ladies, Louise, Amy and especially you Carol. Trust God, He is able.
Love,
Pam
THANK YOU SO MUCH MY DEAR PAM, YOUR PRAYERS ARE SO VERY MUCH APPRECIATED, I DO BELIEVE OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN WILL WAKE OUR DAUGHTER IN HIS OWN PERFECT TIME,,,, PRAISE,, I CANT TELL YOU HOW HAPPY I AM FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER, I AM SO GLAD SHE IS BACK TO HER OLD SELF, PRAISE GOD IN THE HIGHEST,,, THANK YOU PAM FOR SHARING,, THANK YOU PASTOR CHRIS, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS WEB, HAS HELP ME,I LOVE YOU ALL AND PRAY FOR ALL OUR CHILDREN AND US PARENT’S AND PAM IS SO RIGHT WHEN SHE TELL’S US TO GIVE IT ALL TO GOD,, IT MAKE’S THE WAITING SO MUCH EASIER, WHEN I GIVE IT TO GOD, PRAISE HIS NAME, MAY GOD BE WITH US ALL IN HIS NAME JESUS CHRIST, FOREVER AND ALWAYS, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Hi everyone. I just checked into this post to say that I just scanned down through the comments and was encouraged to think of you caring for one another. Truly the Body of Christ is wonderful.
Yes Chris you are right indeed! The Body of Christ is wonderful and so is your service to Him through this web site. Thank you.
Love,
Pam
Dear Carol,
You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers as are the rest of these families. My heart goes out to you in a special way because of you not seeing or hearing from your daughter, but I’m so glad to know that you have a relationship with our Creator who holds everything in His hands. I don’t know how people make it through this world without including Him in their lives. Hang on Carol. May God Bless You.
Love,
Pam
THANK YOU PAM , AND EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT IN PRAYER,I AM SO THANKFUL FOR YOU ALL, THIS SITE HAS BEEN SUCH A BLESSING FOR ME, I CANT TELL YOU ALL HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE BEEN DOWN AND THEM THE FATHER LEAD’S ME TO THIS SITE ,, IT GIVE’S ME STRENGTH TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT ALONE, AND COMFORTS ME TO KNOW THAT SOMEBODY IS ALWAYS PRAYING, AND I PRAISE GOD FOR ALL OF YOU AND THIS SITE, AND THANK YOU PASTOR CHRIS, FOR THIS OUT REACH, IT HAS BEEN A LIFE SAVER,, MORE THAN YOU KNOW,, I DO REMEMBER YOU ALL AS WELL IN MY PRAYERS,I PRAY FOR RESTORATION IN ALL OUR FAMILY’S,, AND I KNOW IN HIS TIME,, HE KNOW’S WHATS BEST ,, GOD BLESS , LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
THE PRODIGAL DAUGHTER::: IT WAS HER 18TH BIRTHDAY, SHE WAS NOW LEGALLY GROWN, SHE WANTED TO LEAVE AND SEARCH THE WORLD,BUT WAS SHE REALLY READY TO LEAVE HOME? SHE PACKED HER THINGS AND WITHOUT AN EDUCATION, ( JUST HIGH SCHOOL) SHE WAS STILL CONSIDERED AS A CHILD IN HER PARENT’S EYES, HAPPILY SHE LEFT; SAD THOUGHTS NEVER CROSSED HER MIND, AS SHE WALKED THE STREETS OF PARADISE, SHE THOUGHT THIS WAS FREEDOM, BUT NO ONE KNEW HER NOR DID SHE HAVE A WAY TO ACHIEVE, SHE ALWAYS SAID THAT SHE WOULD NEVER DO IT,BECAUSE SHE WAS A CHURCH GIRL,BUT NOW IT WAS TO LATE, FOR IT WAS EASIER TO LAY DOWN WITH STRANGERS THAN TO CONFESS HER DAILY SINS, SHE FELT STUNNED EVERY TIME BY HIS BEATING HITS, EVERY TIME HE WOULD HIT HER SHE WANTED TO LEAVE, BUT SHE WAS MORE AFRAID FOR HER DEATH THAT LIVING WITH HIM WAS EASIER, TRYING TO CONTROL HER FEELING , SHE WAS INTRODUCED TO DRINKING, SHE FELT BETTER WITH THIS LOVE BECAUSE THE LOVE SHE FIRST KNEW, SHE DIDN’T READY KNOW, SHE HEARD OF HIM AT CHURCH BUT SHE DIDN’T WANT TO ACCEPT NOW, IT WAS HER TIME TO MAKE AN INTELLIGENT DECISION TO FIND HER FIRST LOVE, FOR THIS WILL BE THE TEST OF HER FAITH OR WILL IT BE ANOTHER OF HER EMOTIONAL STATE? WEEKS WENT BY, MONTHS, YEARS, HER SECRET SINS WERE OUT NOW, CHURCH FOLKS WERE EITHER TRULY CONCERNED OR JUST WANTED TO GOSSIP, FRIENDS WERE GONE BECAUSE OF HER ATTITUDE,NO ONE WAS WITH HER EXCEPT HER FIRST LOVE, FOR HEAVEN STOOD QUIETLY; PRAYING FOR HER TO SAY YES,THREE MONTHS SEEM LIKE FOR EVER,WILL SHE STAY OR WILL SHE GO HOME? SHE ASKED GOD, WHY ME? HEAVEN AGAIN PATIENTLY WAITED AS SHE THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT SHE SHOULD DO, HOME SEEMED SO FAR AWAY AND SO DID BEING DELIVERED,HOME JUST FELT LIKE A BURDEN AS SHE THOUGHT ABOUT HER PARENTS RULES,DID HER PARADISE JUST SEEM LOGICAL OR WAS THE GRASS GREENER AT HOME? SHE FELT COLD IN HER SPIRIT LIKE THE WINTER WEATHER, HER FACE WAS DRY WITH HER TEARS THAT WERE GONE,SHE FELT LIKE GIVING UP BUT A VOICE OF COMFORT CAME TO HER,I LOVE YOU MY CHILD,”THE VOICE CAME TO REASSURE HER, I AM THE TRUE LOVE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR,SHOCKED BY HIS SOFT LOVING VOICE, BUT THANKFUL FOR ANOTHER CHANCE TO HEAR IT, AS SHE REMEMBERED THE LAST TIME SHE CURSED AT HIM BECAUSE OF HER HURTING PAST, SHE LISTENED TO HIS VOICE — A PEACE CAME UPON HER , SHE FELT LOVED, THE TRUE KIND THAT SHE DIDN’T NEED TO DEGRADE HERSELF FOR OR DO ANYTHING, IT WAS UNCONDITIONAL– NO ONE EVER LOVED HER MORE THAN HE,SHE WAS SCARED FOR HER LIFE AND HER FAMILY BUT SHE FELT PROTECTED, SHE CALLED HER MOM; THE ONE SHE THOUGHT WAS THE MEANEST PERSON ON EARTH,SHE DIDN’T KNOW IF SHE WOULD CARE,BUT TO HER AMAZEMENT, HER MOTHERS VOICE WAS AS BEAUTIFUL AS A RED ROSE,”I’LL BE ON MY WAY TO COME AND GET YOU” HER LOVING MOTHER SAID, BUT THEN SHE KNEW SHE HAD TO LEAVE QUICKLY BEFORE HE FINDS OUT THAT SHE IS GONE, SHE WANTED TO EMBRACE IN HER MOTHERS ARMS AS SOON AS SHE SAW HER, BUT TIME IS TICKING, SHE HAD TO MOVE FAST, SOON AS THEY COULD, THEY CRIED ON EACH OTHERS SHOULDER, YES HER DAUGHTER WAS HOME AND HEAVEN REJOICED!!! FOR THIS WAS THE CHILD WHO WAS BLINDED BY SIN, BUT NOW SHE CAN SEE,
I’m back here today…VERY discouraged. Maybe
someone could give me some advice. I’m so
angry and hurt and frustrated, that I don’t
trust my judgement. My daughter is back to a
lot of her old tricks, hurting us in more ways
than I can handle listing here today.
She’s supposed to come over in a very few days
to try to work things out with us…again. When
do you tell a child to just stay away for a while?
My younger children can’t take her hurt any
more. They admitted to us a couple of days ago,
very sweetly, and while crying, that they felt
betrayed by my husband and me for letting our
oldest back into our lives over and over
again…just to hurt us over and over again. She is
also telling lies about us. She’s VERY pitiful
sounding and convincing, and there’s evidence
that she’s turning the friends of her younger
two sisters against them.
It was bad when she was turning relatives
against my husband and I — most of them have
figured things out now that a year has gone by,
and are just hoping she’ll learn her lesson. But
now that she’s going after the friends of her
younger sisters, we feel that this must stop.
We’ve worked so hard at giving her another
chance, and another and another, etc., that
we’ve basically escorted our other kids into the
lion’s den…over and over and over again. And
they’re being devoured.
One of the kids was sounding utterly desperate
today, BEGGING us to tell the oldest to stay
away. She did this, probably, at least 10 times
today. She said it in the way a person might beg
a killer to spare their life, knowing down inside
that they won’t be spared. And this is my and
my husband’s fault. She has no reason to have
any faith that we will take care of and protect
her.
The whole family is ready to tell our oldest not
to come around any more. And that we’ll call
her someday when we’re ready to try again. We
also want to tell her that she needs to
SOMEHOW show that she is serious about
changing. But is has to be done AWAY from us.
I don’t even know she can do it but I don’t care
right now.
Our family comes apart at its seams while she’s
with us. But when we avoid her it thrives, and is
happy. We laugh. We have long, deep
discussions about the Bible. We talk about
EVERYTHING! We have girls nights out, when I
and the younger two sleep in the livingroom
together.
Yesterday was an especially bad day. My oldest
spent most of June with my relatives in another
state. Since then, whenever I have talked to
them on the phone, they’ve acted a little funny.
Yesterday one of the started basically accusing
me of things that aren’t true. She very
obviously didn’t believe me when I tried to tell
her the truth. Also yesterday, there were signs
that another friend of my youngest two is
having his time dominated by my oldest. We all
know what’s probably coming next, and my
youngest has been crying a lot.
I realize that this is very long, and I realized
that it may seem disjointed, but I’m at my wit’s
end. It seems very obvious that we need to tell
our oldest to stay away while we try to heal, and
yet it seems SO wrong to do that to my own
child.
My youngest two have each written their oldest
sister a letter, telling some of the biggest hurts
they are feeling right now because of her
actions. I’m ready to, the next time she comes
over, hand her the letters and tell her not to
come again, till WE say it’s okay.
I’d like advice. I’d like prayer. I’d like prayer
for all of my kids.
Thank you all,
Amy
Amy,
I am so sorry to hear of your difficulties. Life gets so complicated. As a parent, we are not only concerned with how we relate to our children, but how our children relate to one another, and even to our extended family.
There is a time when you say that sin has consequences and that a daughter needs to stay away for a period of time.
Above all, I would encourage you to be involved in your local church where the Word is preached and where you have the Body of Christ to encourage you.
I pray that you would have grace, wisdom, and strength.
Chris.
First I would like to address the poem that Carol put up on this site. Carol, it is beautiful! It is also so very true that when a person lives in sin, that the enemy using guilt and shame to try and convince us that we are too ugly to approach God and ask for forgiveness and be accepted. But God loves a humble and sincere heart that is truly sorry for the sins that we have committed. Did you write this poem or did you run across it somewhere? It speaks volumes to many peoples’ lives. The ugly lie that it is easier to live in the sin than to believe yourself worthy of forgiveness and to actually overcome the past of your sin. There are so many people hurting out there that believe the lie.
Also, dear Amy, I am so sorry for what you are going through also. I found that my daughter would say and do things that would hurt me and the reason was to justify what she was doing. I believe she was trying to convince others that her choices were the result of something I had done and she continued that for a while. I came to the realization that what she told others wouldn’t matter to the ones that truly knew me. The ones that did not know me and wanted to believe the lies, well, I just prayed that God would take care of that, and He has. I quit trying to justify my decisions or my rules or how I parented my children to anyone, except of course God. I answer only to God when it comes to raising my children. The world says one thing, but God says something totally different and as parents it is very difficult. I found myself questioning my decisions on parenting to the point of being fickled. Thank God, He walked my through the hurt and confusion. I was hurt by my daughter’s actions to the point of anger at one time, and then I realized that God was the answer to my hurt, my confusion, my frustration, my choices. I completely turned it over to Him. I quit worrying about what others thought and went back to raising my children the way God and His Word led me to raise my children regardless of what the world thought. And let me tell you, it isn’t easy. Our enemy loves to put thoughts and doubts in our head about our parenting skills, because he would love to destroy the family unit. God is with us and when we make our decisions based on His guidance, there is such a peace. My daughter, and the rest of my children, are in His hands. I am trusted to guide them through His teachings and be an example to them that God has been to me, even when I wasn’t deserving of His love and forgiveness. When a child hurts us, we could easily let bitterness and anger turn into resentment and cause us to turn on our children in a way that is unhealthy. I realized when my children that were at home were sick of hearing about their sister that it was my fault. It was like the world stopped and the only thing that I was focusing on was my daughter that had left home. I believe that hurt my children worse than anything else. Oh and then, I got on my knees and asked God to take control completely and I let go. My job was done and I prayed forgiveness for whatever failures I might have made and believe me I’m sure I made many, but God knows our hearts and He knows that I tried my best to do what was best for my daughter. She left and it was time to let go and let God take charge of her life if and when she would let Him. I love what Louise says in one of her blogs on here. “I have given you the tools to make it in this world, but you will have to live with the consequences of your actions. God’s arms are longer than mine, His ears will hear when you decide to call out to Him, and much much more.” If you get a chance look up her blog. It helped me greatly! Amy, you and your family is in my prayers and I truly feel your pain and my heart breaks for you.
Carol, have you heard from your daughter? The poem, was it something you just wanted to share or by chance, has your daughter came home? I am praying for you also.
Louise, how are you and your family doing. I miss hearing from everyone, but please know that you all are in my prayers.
God bless you Chris.
Love,
Pam
First, I’m sorry my post came through the way it did…taking up so much space. I don’t know what happened, and hope it won’t happen this time.
Thank you Chris and Pam for your advice and words of encouragement. After reading your advice, Chris, and praying again, a picture came into my head. It was of my oldest daughter hurting the younger two physically. It occurred to me that if that was happening every time she came over, there would be no doubt that I would protect them. So why should this emotional abuse be any different? They’ve been crying every day, just at the THOUGHT of having to see my oldest again. You’re right, she needs to stay away for a while.
And you’re right, Pam. Those who really know us, for the most part, will figure it out. I have to say that there are quite a few relatives who believed her at the beginning of this, but who don’t any more. And we hardly had to say anything about it…just watching the situation progress, they saw the truth. But it seems there is always someone new for her to lie to about us.
Chris, please pray for us about the church situation. We’re at a fairly new church and the people don’t know us well. But we do have some Christian friends who know the truth and are supportive. Also, our youngest two are trying a youth group at a church that we have no intention of telling the oldest about, so that she won’t have the opportunity to come in and turn the other kids against her sisters.
Thank you all for your prayers, advice, and words of encouragement. Please pray that we’ll have the strength and courage to do the right, best thing, even though it’s going to be hard.
Amy
PAM, AMY, AND ALL MY SISTERS READING THIS,,,, YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS, I FEEL YOUR PAIN, NO WE HAVEN’T SEEN OR HEARD FROM OUR DAUGHTER, WE DO KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES NOW , ( ABOUT 2 OR 3 MIN. FROM US)WE DID ALL WE KNEW TO DO AND NOW WE LET GOD,,, WE LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING, I MISS HER SO BADLY, BUT GOD HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO US, AND WE PRAISE HIM, WE KNOW IN HIS TIME SHE WILL WAKE UP,,, WE LIVE EVERYDAY ON HIS WORD,,, IT IS THE HARDEST THING THAT I HAVE EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH IN MY LIFE,, BUT GOD IS HERE,, THANK YOU FOR ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS, I CAN FEEL THEN EVERY DAY,,, THE POEM IS A TRUE STORY OF THIS 18 YRS. OLD’S LIFE,, AND SHE JUST WANTED TO SHARE THIS, AND I PRAISE GOD THAT SHE DID,, ITS SO ENCOURAGING AND GIVES US HOPE THAT THE FATHER CAN DO THE SAME THING FOR OUR CHILD,,, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN JESUS CHRIST FOREVER AND ALWAYS,, GOD BLESS YOU ALL,,,
I CAME ACROSS THIS THE OTHER DAY,, MAYBE IT CAN HELP SOME ONE OUT THERE,,, PRODIGAL CHILD MINISTRIES,, 721 DENMEAD MILL,,, MARIETTA, GA. 30067————– PHONE,, 770-241-9813———– E-MAIL,,, PRODIGALCHILDMINISTRIES.ORG ——FOUNDERS,,JOHN AND FAIR BROCARD,, OUR PRAY THIS CAN HELP SOME ONE ,, LOVE AND PRAYERS CAROL,, GOD BLESS
Amy,
It has been a long time since I have logged back in here to view the letters. I am truly sorry for your hurt, your indescribable pain and agony of soul.
First, do not be so hard on yourself. I suspect your daughter has some issues needing to be addressed by professional care. Big time manipulation going on here..and the lies are so devastating. Our daughter did alot of that…drugs and alcohol are the underlying cause of the abrupt changes in her.
Your daughter needs professional help…and your family cannot deal with this alone…do not even attempt it. If she has gone to the extent to involve other family members OUT of STATE, she is willing to do anything to destroy your credibility and your lives. Anger is ruining her life…and yours as well. As Chris said…look to your church and any support systems that would be appropriate for you and your family. You all neeed supportive care.
This site has helped us immensely.
This year, I discovered ALANON…which opened my eyes to the world of the addict and their personality changes. Next step…I went to a Rehab center…am now volunteering with this group…Our eyes have been opened to the dark world of addictions and the similar stories of the pain they inflict on their families. Hope in Christ, HOPE is not lost…it is there forever!
He is our Deliverer, our Healer, our Strong Tower! He is our lost children’s Hope for healing, deliverance, and reconciliation. They are truly lost in that world of darkness…and are captives of that stronghold.
Whether your daughter is hiding drinking or drugs or both…or if she truly has an underlying mental illness, of which manipulating and lieing are major components of, your family needs to be separated from that and needs to get help via family intervention.
I cannot tell you the difference it has made for us. The agony and the pain have definately lessened…our days end with prayers for her. I no longer spend my days agonizing over her bad decisions, her defiant behaviors,her lies,etc!
We are truly trusting in His keeping Power. We are praying for you and your family.
Rest, Amy, in His love and comfort!
Carol,
Love that poem! Thanks for posting it!
God is faithful…and He is good!
God bless all of you! I am so thank-ful for His keeping Hand!
Love and prayers…
Thank you, EVERYONE, for your support and prayers.
Louise, I am as certain as I can be that my daughter is not using drugs
or alcohol, but I HAVE wondered if she has some type of mental
illness. Sometimes I think it’s just a horrible habit she has gotten
in…treating us this way. Then, having people around her who’ve
excused and enabled her…and some who’ve just been fooled by her,
hasn’t helped. So many possibilities!
On Friday night she came by our house to pick up something of hers
that she’d remembered was in our garage. I was alone, and ready with
the notes my other daughters had written to her, along with one
composed by all of us. One main point made in our letter was that she
needed to stay away from us until we felt healed enough to risk trying
a relationship with her again. When I gave her the notes, I said enough
about them that she knew the gist of them. She stomped around,
slammed a couple of doors, talked snidely, etc. while finding the things
she’d come for, and then she left.
But then on Sunday she posted on her Facebook wall(for EVERYONE
to see, which showed a humble attitude) something about having
realized, because of what was taught in Sunday School that day, that
she “can’t keep living like this.” Then, a few hours later, wrote, also
for the world to see on Facebook, that she had just been about three
seconds away from being hit by a car that had jumped the center
divide rail on the freeway and almost rolled onto her car. She posted
that it made her realize that she needed to “make things right”,
change her life, not live like this anymore, and a couple of other things
like that.
Also, she said that it made her really think about the last thing she
said to the people she loves. I thought that there was a possibility
that she wasn’t talking about us, but then, yesterday she sent us an
email, saying that, when we were ready to try again with her, she
would work really hard to change. She said that she loves us and
really realizes how badly she has treated us.
We’re still going to stay away for a while, but it looks like she is really
listening to God. I’m feeling hopeful again…with some reservations.
Thank you all for your support. I’ll keep you posted, and I’ll continue
to pray for your families.
With Love,
Amy
While I’m here, I’d like to ask if anyone else sometimes has problems
posting to this discussion. I’ve learned to copy and save somewhere
else what I want to post, because often I get a message, after
clicking “Submit”, that what I’m looking for is not here. So far, I’ve
tried submitting this post three times tonight. I usually keep trying,
and eventually it works. But I have no idea what the problem is. Any
suggestions?
Does anyone else have problems posting to this site? I’m hoping this will work. Sometimes, when I press “Submit”, I’m taken to a page that says something like, “Oops, what you’re looking for just isn’t here.” I’m hoping I can get this to go through.
Amy
AMY, I AM SO GLAD YOUR DAUGHTER IS SHOWING SOME GOOD EMOTIONS, PRAISE GOD, I WILL KEEP PRAYING,,LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL,,,,AND YES I HAVE HAD A COUPLE OF TIMES THAT I HIT SUBMIT, AND MY MESSAGE JUST DISAPPEARED,BUT ITS BEEN OK LATELY,,,GOD BLESS,,,,
Carol, Amy, and others who comment on this post – – I am thankful for your continued interaction and prayers and encouragement for one another. It is wonderful to know that people care.
While, it is a slightly different subject, you might look at the post that I just put up linking to my friend Alice’s blog. See
http://www.chrisbrauns.com/2010/07/29/if-you-have-recently-suffered-loss/
One of the things that must be so hard for you as mothers of struggling children is to keep up with the mundane realities of life even while you are worried sick about your children.
I pray that the Lord will give you strength.
Hi everyone. Some of you are experiencing problems with the comments. So, I am suggesting that we move the discussion to a new thread. http://www.chrisbrauns.com/2010/07/30/200-comments-later-ive-learned-that-nothing-hurts-more-than-rebellious-children-though-community-helps-cope-with-the-pain/
Some of you who have been frequent contributors here, may want to make an initial comment on the other thread that the interaction has encouraged you.
It is probably best to make the first comment or two fairly short – – that way, there will be a better chance people will read through it.
Thankful that you have been encouraged here.
Chris.
HELLO ALL, JUST LETTING EACH ONE OF YOU KNOW I AM STILL PRAYING FOR YOU ALL,,, PLEASE REMEMBER MY DAUGHTER,, I JUST FOUND OUT YESTERDAY, SHE IS LIVING UNDER A NEW NAME ,, PLEASE PRAY FOR HER HUSBAND ,,, HE HAS TAKING EVERYTHING FROM HER,, EVEN HER NAME ,,, MY HEART HURTS FOR HER SO MUCH ,,I JUST KEEP PRAYING SHE WILL WISE UP TO HIM ,, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE PRAYERS,, I APPRECIATE THIS WEB SO MUCH PASTOR CHRIS,, WHEN I HAVE NO WHERE TO RUN ,, I RUN HERE,, GOD BLESS YOU ALL,, LOVE,, YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Carol,
I am definitely thinking of you and your family. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I pray that the Lord will draw her back to HIM. I pray comfort for you. Remember, He has the whole world in His hands.
Love,
Pam
Hi there,
My name is Jane and I have a son that is 19 and walking so far away from God. Even though I have give him to God. I can’t stop worring. I keep thinking if I love him enough he will come home and change, but I know only God can change him. I want to love him more and my husband says let him go, what is the right answer? My heart breaks daily, please pray for us.
Jane
Hi Jane,
I’m so sorry to hear of your pain. As a pastor, I can tell you that you are not alone. So many people are struggling with children who are far from God.
I may sound more like a politician than a pastor – – but, I think you are both right. You can’t love your son too much. That’s not possible.
Yet your husband is also correct that you have to let him go. As I tell someone nearly daily as a pastor, if you want to drive yourself crazy about this, then you will be able to do it. You do need to give it to God.
Of course, it is far easier for me to tell you to give it to God than it actually is to do it. The only way you can even begin to give this to God is to fix your eyes on Christ and to understand in an increasing way how great God is. I would suggest really meditating on the Psalms. Even memorizing them. Psalm 46 would be one good example. Or 62.
I pray that the Lord will give you strength.
Chris.
Dear Jane,
I am so sorry about what you are going through. I totally agree with Pastor Chris. (Hi Chris, I thank you for this site and I pray God richly blesses you!) I can remember how distraught I was when my daughter first left home and started living a different life style than what I was wanting for her. I was basically making myself physically sick from worry. The more I focused on my daughter and worried about each incident and each encounter and what I could do to reach her, it seemed that the problems just grew and grew. This is when our faith is truly put to the test. The enemy attacks and where do we turn? Who do we seek? The enemy’s ultimate goal is to take our focus off of God and he will do it by any means possible. What better way than through our children. God wants us to believe in Him, I mean truly believe. Believe He is who He says He is. Believe He is in control and is able to do so much more than we can when it comes to speaking to our children’s hearts. Seek Him more than you ever have in your entire life. TRUST HIM completely and that means letting go and not allowing yourself to pick it back up and worry. Praise Him for what He is going to do. Have Faith in HIM. Oh, please understand me when I say, I failed miserably at trusting God and wanting to be in control and it made me very ill. I was not any good for anyone. This trial I went through drew me closer to my Lord and Savior and I grew to trust Him more and more because He is faithful. Most importantly is this, until I let go, God allowed me to try and fix my own problems and worry until I decided that I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed Him and that meant I had to give my burdens to Him and start living my life to please Him. He gave me grace when I didn’t deserve it. He is first in my life. My relationship with my daughter is wonderful now and I feel that because I have strengthened my relationship with Christ, I am better able to speak with her about God in a very natural way which is planting seeds in her life. God gives me opportunities very often with my daughter now that I didn’t think I would have again for many years. Regardless of what anyone else tells me, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is because I gave her to Him and trusted Him to take care of her and He did. Much better than I ever could have. When I put my focus on Him and His word, I received joy out of no where and a peace that was undescribable. My God is worthy of our praise and He is always faithful. He will not let you down Jane. If I had not have learned to trust Him with my daughter, I don’t believe things would be the way they are today. Read Psalm 36 & 37. I will be praying for you Jane. I pray you give your burden to the Only One who can take it from you and give you peace.
Love,
Pam
Dear Jane,
Earlier I couldn’t find the scripture that really touched my heart and encouraged me during what I feel you are going through, but I have found it.
Psalm 34:17-19 The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
I pray this comforts you Jane.
Pam
I do not see any of the postings I had placed here within the last month or so!
Oh well…such is the internet!
Anyhow…we have been through those same identical steps, Jane…you are not alone as Pastor Chris has stated!
You can read our novel in the blogs way ahead….been a rough 5 years. I was so relieved to have found this place. It brought comfort…yes, misery does long for company, but most of all…misery longs for prayer and comfort…both of which my husband and myself have received here from such caring and praying ppl!
Our daughter is married to the fellow we had advised against…and she is reaping that decision. So much more…but, we have found out…that regaurdless of where she is..where she lays her head…He is with her…and He has brought us peace in the midst of all this!
We had told each of out children from little tikes and up…”Show us your friends, and we will see into your future!”
As Pam had stated…those same Psalms we have read, reread…and nearly have them memorized…plus others…been back to reading Ps. 37…God is faithful…and He does care for the wandering rebellious souls!
Take care…find and renumerate all the things and moments in your lives this Thanksgiving Day…and in the days that follow…all the Things the Lord has done for you!
He is FAITHFUL…and His love endures forever!
BTW…God Bless you , Pam…and Carol, et al…this Thanksgiving! Also…blessings to you and your family, Pastor Chris!
Much love,
Dan and Louise
I pray everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I believe when we post our replies here, it puts us back to the original site where this blog started (not our reply, just our browser), but if you hit your back button, or go to your email and go back into the site, you will see your post. Or possibly you are going to the old site and putting replies on there instead of this new site. I don’t know, but I haven’t had any problems, I just had to check both of them to catch up with everyone. You can go to the top of this page and hit “Unpacking Forgiveness Reviewed” to go to the original blog, I believe. Then you can see if your messages are there. I hope this helps instead of confuses anyone. God bless you all and I hope to hear from everyone with updates. You are all in my prayers.
Love,
Pam
WELL I HAVENT BEEN ON HERE FOR AWHILE, NOT MUCH CHANGE ,, MY DARLING DAUGHTER HAS BEEN GONE FOR JUST OVER FOUR YEARS ,, I STILL FEEL SICK ALL THE TIME, I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING ,BUT IT IS AND OUR GOD IS HERE WALKING WITH ME ,,TO LOSE A CHILD THIS WAY IS UNBLIEVEABLE, TO KNOW SHE IS JUST ACCROSS TOWN ,, AND WE ARENT WELCOME IN HER LIFE ,, OUR GOD IS IN CONTROLL, AND I LIVE MY LIFE TO HONNOR HIM ,, WELL ALMOST 5;AM AND I HAVE BEEN UP SINCE 3;AM , PRAYERS ALWAYS APPRECIATED,, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST ,,, ALWAYS KNOW I ALWAYS PRAY FOR THIS WEB. GOD BLESS
Carol,
I am so sorry to hear that your pain continues. There are no words that I could share, but I do pray that God will continue to give you strength and encouragement.
Thanks for stopping in.
Chris.
THANK YOU PASTOR CHRIS,, PRAYERS ARE MUCH NEEDED AND APPRECIATED ,, NO THERE ARE NO WORDS, ONLY OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN IS IN CONTROLL, WHAT EVER IS HIS WILL IT SHALL BE DONE ,, AND WE PRAISE THE MASTER, FOR HIS LOVE ,, HE WILL NEVER LEAVE US, HE HAS, AND WILL WALK WITH US ,, PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME ,, THE FATHER KNOW’S WHEN IT IS TIME ,TO PUT OUR DAUGHTER BACK INTO OUR LIVES ,, LOVE IN CHRIST CAROL
Dear Carol,
I am truly broken-hearted for you! I feel your pain. That went on for 6 years for us. Then, one day in Feb of last year, I received an email from our estranged daughter. That email contained a sad note: she had a miscarraige and she listed her blood work/lab results in that letter. I could tell the alcohol and drugs had obscurred her thought process..as I am an RN and can interpret labs. Those lab values were showing acute alcoholism and drug abuise. God was so good to allow the loss of our grandchild..as the birth defects would have been too much for that baby and for her mother to endure.
The development of the relationship between us and our daughter was a slow and at times, painful one. She had so many false memories, mental issues, etc…We are now seeing her weekly, and we are praying everyday for both her and her husband. They are now both attending church…and he is becoming a student of the Word…I am truly now believing that they are not faking it, but truly have repentant hearts…and working “to work out their salvation” daily.
The darkness endures for a season, Carol..but daylight, the morning of joy will come. I am praying for you and your husband. There is no pain like what you are enduring, I know it. He is our Father, Carol…He will carry you through it, and He sees your daughter, where she is, what she is doing…He gave me that comfort when I felt I could no longer endure the pain, the not knowing…
Dear sister, continue in the Faith…and though the pain, the agony, and the sorrow greets you every morning….KNOW this…that He cares for your daughter…His eye is on the sparrow, and He watches over you and your daughter.
Read all of the posts and while I am encouraged by so many of the stories….I am still heartsick about my daughter…..she is living in another city and drinks alot…..I worry so much…..she is my heart……
LOUISE , THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ENCOUAGEING NOTE ,, I DO APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH ,,, IT DOES HELP TO TALK TO PEOPLE THAT KNOW YOUR PAIN ,,I TO,, PRAY FOR ALL ON THIS WEB ,, MY FATHER GOD IN HEAVEN HAS BROUGHT ME THIS FAR,, IN THIS STORM,, AND I KNOW HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME ,, OUR GOD IS SO AMAZING ,, AND I KNOW THAT HE IS WATCHING OVER MY DAUGHTER,, HOPE, TRUST AND FAITH ,, JEREMIAH, 29:11 FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU ,,DECLARES THE LORD,,PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT HARM YOU ,, PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE ,, LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL ,,,,,,,
KATHY, I FEEL YOUR PAIN, I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER ,, STAY CLOSE TO GOD , IN THE WORD AND PRAYER ,, MY HEART HURTS FOR YOU ,,JUST KNOW THAT THE PEOPLE ON THIS WALL UNDERSTAND AND WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER ALSO ,,,I WILL PRAY FOR PEACE IN YOUR HEART AND THAT GOD WILL GIVE YOU STRENGTH, GOD BE WITH YOU KATHY, LOVE AND PRAYERS YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST ,,,, IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK, THIS IS A GOOD PLACE TO DO IT ,,,,,,,
Dear Carol and Kathy,
I understand your pain and we still have issues…the relationship gets rough. OUr daughter’s husband is addicted to his pain meds…and we are the brunt of his cruelty…as well as she is!
THINKING OF YOU ALL TODAY,, AND PRAYING,,, MY HUSBAND CALLED OUR DAUGHTER YESTERDAY AND SHE ANSWERED ,, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE FEB. THE CONVERSATION WAS VERY LIGHT, TALKED MOSTLY ABOUT HER DOG, HER VOICE WAS MUCH CLAMMER THAN IT HAS EVER BEEN, WE HAVE LEARN WHAT TO SAY AND NOT TO SAY ,,WE HAVE TO TIP-TOE OR SHE WILL JUST HANG UP ,,,,HER HUSBAND HAS HER SO BRAINWASHED,SHE SOUNDS JUST LIKE HIM ,,,, WE OFFERED HER ,,, HER CAR ,, SHE HAS A BEAUTIFUL 1995 CONVERTABLE MUSTANG,FOUR YEARS AGO HE WANTED THE CAR PUT IN HIS NAME ( ITS IN MY NAME)AND I SAID NO ,, I SAID I WOULD PUT IT IN HER NAME ,,, AND THATS WHEN HE SAID SHE COULDNT HAVE IT ,,WE BROUGHT THE CAR WHEN SHE WAS 16 ,,,SHE SAID IF SHE TOOK THE CAR , SHE WOULD HAVE TO SEE ME ,, IN THE UNCHANGE ,, WHICH SHE WOULDNT ,, MY HUSBAND SAID ,, YOUR MOM LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND SHE SAID , I DONT CARE ,, MOM’S FAKE ,,,I KNOW IT SOUNDS BAD ,, BUT THE TONE OF HER VOICE WAS SO MUCH BETTER ,, ( WHEN I WAS MENTIONED THERE WAS NO ANGRY IN HER VOICE ,,FOR THE FIRST SINCE SHE LEFT,,,,PRAYING THIS IS A START FOR A HEALING FOR MY FAMILY ,,MY HUSBAND SHOCKED HER WHEN AFTER A FEW MIM’S HE HUNG UP FIRST YOU COULD HERE THE SURPRISE IN HER VOICE ,,PRAYING GOD WILL RESTORE OUR FAMILY AND PRAISEING HIM FOR THE PHONE CALL ,, JUST TO HEAR HER VOICE, HELPED ME SLEEP BETTER LAST NIGHT ,,WELL THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT ,, YOU AND YOUR KIDS ARE IN MY PRAYERS, LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
STILL HANGING IN THERE WE FOUND OUT FROM SOME PIC.’S WE SAW LAST WEEK OUR DAUGHTER IS PREGNANT WITH OUR FIRST GRANDCHILD,, I WOULD LOVE TO BE INVITED TO BE A PART OF THIS WITH HER THESE TIMES ONLY COME AROUND ONCE,, SHE DENIED EVEN BEING PREGNANT ,, WE DONT KNOW HOW FAR ALONG SHE IS ,, SHE MAY BE AROUND 4OR 5 MONTH’S BUT WE ARE NOT WELCOME TO BE ANY PART OF THIS BEAUTIFUL GIFT FROM GOD ,, AND MY HEART IS BROKEN THE TWO OF THEM HAVE TAKEN ALL MY HOPES AND DREAM’S AND THROWED THEM IN THE TRASH,,,,MY HUSBAND CALL’S ONCE IN AWHILE AND LATELY SHE HAS ANSWERED ,,TONIGHT HE CALLED TO LET HER KNOW THAT HER UNCLE IS IN STAGE 4 OF LUNG CANCER AND SHE COULD HAVE CARED LESS,, IT HURT’S ME SO BADLY SHE’S SO COLD AND HOLLOW ,, , THAT SHE CAN TREAT EVERY ONE WE KNOW FAMILY AND FRIENDS JUST LIKE MEAN ,, ,,I DONT KNOW MY CHILD ANY MORE, SHE IS NOT THE SWEET BEAUTIFUL YOUNG CHRISTIAN WOMEN THATI I RAISED , SHE IS A COLD HEARTLESS UNCARING PERSON ,, SHE MAKES NO AFFORT AT BEING CRULT,MEAN, LIE’S ABOUT EVERY THING AND NOTHING THAT MATTERING SHE WILL LIE ABOUT IT ,,I LOVE MY DAUGHTER VERY MUCH , SHE IS MY HEART ,
,, HER DADDY ASK HER AND HER HUSBAND TO COME TO THE FAMILY FOR THANKSGIVING, SHE SAID NO ,, JUST LIKE THAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO SAY,, SHE HAS NO MORALS, SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT ANY ONES FEELING’S NOT EVEN HER OWN,,SHE ONLY LIVES TO PLEASE HIM ,, I HURT SO BAD FOR HER , I PRAY IF I NEVER SEE HER AGAIN THAT GOD WILL GET HER AWAY FROM HIM ,HE IS AN EVIL PERSON,I AM SO SAD FOR NOW THERE’S A BABY COMING INTO THIS ,, THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT,, I AM VERY THANKFUL FOR PRAYERS ,,, AND TO YOU READING THIS AND ALL ON THIS WEB. ( THIS WEB USED TO BE PRETTY HOT,, DOESNT SEEN SO MUCH ANY MORE ,, I PRAY THATS BECAUSE ALL YOUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED THAT YOUR CHILDREN HAVE ALL COME BACK TO BE A PART OF THE FAMILY AND BE RESPECTFUL LOVING AND CARING,, AND TO PROSPER IN THERE OWN LIFE AND MOST OF ALL THAT THEY REDICATED THERE LIFE’S BACK TO JESUS CHRIST AND MOVE FORWARD IN HIS NAME ,, THE MASTER IS SO GREAT AND I KNOW HE IS GOING TO STEP IN AND MAKE ALL THINGS GOOD ,,,, MAY GOD BLESS I AM STILL PRAYING ,, WHEN I FALL HE IS RIGHT THERE TO PICK ME UP AGAIN ,, PRAISE HIM ,, HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL GODS BLESSINGS ,,, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST ,, CAROL
Hi Carol, My wife and I are still a ways from being grandparents, but I recently thought about what that would be like. So when I read that you are going to be a grandmother but that you won’t be able to see the grandchild it broke my heart for you. I am also sorry to hear about the uncle that is has cancer.
I pray that the Lord will grant you strength and that even though the clouds are very dark, that you will see a glimmer of daylight today.
DEAR CHRIS THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR THE PRAYERS, YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TO MANY PRAYERS ,,I DO FEEL THE PRAYERS, THE PEACE, THAT OUR FATHER GOD IN HEAVEN GIVES TO ME EVERY DAY ,I KNOW THAT IS BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY PRAYING FOR ME AND I APPRECIATE IT SO VERY MUCH,, WE HAVE AN AMAZING GOD , I AM SO THANKFUL TO HAVE GOD IN MY HEART AND IN MY DAILY WALK , PRAISE HIM ALWAYS IN GOOD AND BAD TIMES ,, CHRIS, I HOPE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE A WONDERFUL THANKGIVING AND CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR ,, MANY BLESSINGS, LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
Happy Thanksgiving to you Carol. I pray that your heart will be reminded in a special way that all that hurts about this life will soon be past when we are in the presence of the King. It’s hard to imagine how God will work everything together for good – – but, then that’s why he is God!
Carol,
I can totally relate to what you and your husband have been and are enduring. Our son-in-law, as mentioned a while back is addicted to his narcotic pain medications. So much going on…and we have never walked this path of pain before. Our daughter, like yours, has been brain washed. She really does not seem too interested that we be a part of our granddaughter’s life. She has bought into the lies and delusions of this sick man. If she has chosen to live this ugly life, as much as it hurts us, I have come to the realization…that is her decision; however, there is an infant now in the picture…she has no choice in this matter. Now, our hearts are so torn and broken. We pray nightly, daily, whenever we think of them….so torn. Holidays are roughest. We pray for you as well…may our Jesus bring you both comfort in all of this.
THANK YOU LOUISE, FOR YOUR CONFORTING WORD’S I APPRECIATE, YOU VERY MUCH, I FEEL YOUR PRAYERS, GOD DOES GIVE ME DAILY STRENGTH , ONLY BY THE HAND OF GOD AM I ABLE TO LIVE THIS KIND OF LIFE,,I COULD NEVER DO THIS ALONE I NEVER EVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD ENDUR SUCH SADDNESS IN MY LIFE, EXCEPT WHAT WE ALL ENDUR, THE DEATH OF A LOVE ONE ,, I HAVE NEVER HAD AN EMMIES IN MY LIFE, AND AT AGE 57 ,FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS ,, MY OWN DAUGHTER CANT STAND TO EVEN HEAR THE SOUND OF MY VOICE ,,I PRAY TO THE FATHER FOR MY SON-IN-LAW AND MY GIRL TO SURRENDER TO HIM AND ONLY HIM , AND LIVE THE TRUE WORD OF GOD , IN HIS SON’S NAME JESUS CHRIST,,GOD IS SO AMAZING ,,I PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME , FOR WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO IN MY FAMILY ,,,AND I KNOW IN MY HEART HE WILL FIX THIS WEATHER IT IS TODAY OR 20 YEARS FROM NOW PRAYING FOR YOU ALL ,,MAY GOD BE WITH OUR CHILDREN ALWAYS ,, LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
I haven’t tried to post anything here in a while, because my posts wouldn’t go through…but I’ll try here again. First, things are better, but not great, with our daughter. Next, I’ve prayed for your families, Carol and Louise…SO heartbreaking. Your families are in my prayers.
Since my last post went through, I just want to try to add…I’ve also prayed for your families, Pam and Kathy.
It is so hard to believe that ppl actually live through things like this. Also, that ppl…like our daughters make deliberate choices to marry ppl who are the total antithesis to what they grew up knowing, experiencing.
What I thought of today was the story of Job…how he continued to be faithful in his service to God, and offered sacrifices for his children. I will follow his example and have begun to offer sacrifices of prayer and praise to Him for not only our daughter, but other children who are “lost” in life. Carol, whether it takes a day or twenty years, as you so well said it, I leave it in His hands. He knows what is best. I also have read in Daniel where Daniel fasted and prayed for an answer. I go to the Rock of My salvation…no other Rock like our God…CAROL,I am going to offer up a special prayer for you tonight…and nights to come. I know how difficult it is when our eyes close…and the pain and agony is there. Jesus…take her agony, and that of others…bring Your gift of peace in their storms, and mine too! Thank-you, Lord for your loving kindnesses.
LOUISE,AMY,, THANK YOU BOTH FOR PRAYERS ,, I TO PRAY FOR YOU BOTH AND ALL ON THIS WEB,, I KNOW IN MY HEART OUR GOD IS IN CONTROL AND HE KNOW’S WHAT IS BEST FOR US ALL ,,,AND HIS WILL ,, WILL BE DONE ,, AND I UNDERSTAND AND TRY TO EXCEPT THAT MOST OF THE TIME,,,, BUT I DO LET TIMES CREEP IN , AND IT IS NICE TO VENT IT ALL ,,, TO PEOPLE THAT KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ,, THANK YOU MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS ON THIS WEB SITE,,, YOU ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED ,,,LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL, BLESSINGS ALWAYS
I am so saddened to hear how things are going with many of you. You are all in my prayers. All we can do is pray and give it to our Lord. He is in control, never forget that. Sometimes through a very tough time our children are refined. I was a rebellious child, not proud of that, but God never let me go. Trust Him to not let go. I was in misery over many things concerning my oldest child for such a long time it seemed and then I had to let go and let God take over because I have four more that needed me. I found that while I was trying to control the situation, God was letting me. When I let go and put my trust in Him completely, that is when things gradually began to change. My daughter met a wonderful man and was married in October. They are going to church and living the life I dreamed she would live. She is so happy. We are very close, closer than ever before. I pray that God will open the eyes of your children’s and let them see that they are a child of a King and that they should not allow others or idols to treat them the way they are being treated. I pray God’s wonderful protection for your children. I pray comfort for you all and the love of God to surround you in such a way that this holiday season will bring joy in the midst of your grief. I pray for the things we can’t see as if they are. I pray for restoration for your families. Dear God, please hear my prayer in the name of my precious Savior, Your Son, Jesus Christ. Because of Him, we do have hope…May God Bless Each of You and Your Families during this Miraculous Christmas Season. I love you all!
Pam
PAM, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS AND ENCOURAGEING WORD;S ,,, I AM SO GLAD TO HEAR HOW WELL EVERY THING TURNED OUT FOR YOUR DAUGHTER AND THE TWO OF YOU TO HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP NOW ,,,PRAISE GOD FOR HIS GOODNESS ,, THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR STORY AND HAPPY ENDING ,, LOVE AND PRAYERS YOUR SISTER CAROL ,,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL , AND PRAYING FOR AN AMAZING NEW YEAR ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I’LL BE PRAYING FOR YOU ALL ,,
,,,,
PLEASE REMEMBER MY HUSBAND AND I IN PRAYER, WE SENT OUR DAUGHTER AND SON-IN -LAW A CHRISTMAS CARD, I SENT IT TO HIS MOTHER’S AND THEY SENT IT BACK,I DONT KNOW WHY I LET THIS HURT ME SO MUCH ,,,,THIS IS CHRISTMAS NUMBER 5, THAT WE HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO SPEND WITH OUR ONLY CHILD, I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD AND THEM THE CARD CAME BACK,I KNOW I SHOULDNT LET IT GET TO ME ,,, BUT THIS IS SO HARD, I AM SO MENTALLY TRIED,,, I PRAY THAT THIS GET’S EASIER IN 2012 ,, I AM ALMOST AT MY END ,,, THANKS FOR PRAYERS LOVE YOUR SISTER CAROL IN CHRIST ,,,,
Carol, I am so sorry to hear this. I am writing a book right now with Zondervan. And the people on this thread come to mind often when I am formulating a particular chapter in my mind. In fact, this week I read the book, Come Back Barbara, by C. John Miller in which he talks about a child that rebelled (and eventually came back).
I pray that the Lord will give you strength and peace and that you will be still and know that He is God and rest in Him even when you can’t understand such difficult times (Psalm 46).
Christ is all.
Chris.
CHRIS,I APPRECIATE PRAYER ,,THANK YOU SO MUCH ,, I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT GOD IS WITH ME , AND I KNOW HE IS WITH MY DAUGHTER ,,,,BUT I STRUGGLE , WITH MY FAITH OF WHEN GOD IS GOING TO BRING THIS TO AN END , IF EVER ,,,,,,ITS SO HARD WITH AN ONLY CHILD, I AM TRYING TO BE THERE FOR OTHERS OR JUST TRY TO DO FOR THOSE’S WHO HAVE NO ONE ,,, SO MUCH SADNESS IN SO MANY LIFE’S ,,,,LOVE CAROL
Oh Carol, I really don’t know the words to say, my heart just aches for you. Just know that you are in my prayers. Amy
I’m so sorry for your grief Carol. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to not get to communicate with one of my children, but please try for your own sanity to give it to God. Ask Him to speak to her heart and do your very best to be happy and let your light shine. Then, when you least expect it, a miracle will happen. I’m praying for you.
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Pam
Carol, what can I say? The pain that you and your husband are experiencing is soul piercing. There is nothing like it.
My husband and I, and our family are continuing to pray, esp for your daughter and that grandchild. We have, and are experiencing a similar situation. It seems the deeper they grow in their relationships with their abusive and controlling spouses, the harder our daughters become. Our daughter is totally changed…and she is not loving toward us at all. We did see them Christmas, last night…and then, they left very shortly after arising this morning. He would never allow our daughter, or the baby to be here…unless there is something in it for him. That “something” was the hopes of money gifts. I cannot put everything in writing what it is like watching what he does….to insure everything revolves around him.
We do not hear from our daughter…when we call, she is not allowed to talk to us…so, we know all too well what you are enduring. Yes, everything is in His hands…we have no other recourse…just hurts…like a big hole ripped into our hearts. This truly is the handiwork of the enemy of our souls.
God is good, and He is faithful…and I know that He has an eye on those situations that are brought before him in prayer. He neglects not His own….Love to you and your hubby…and hugs. Blessings to you and yours!
Carol, I prayed for you again today!
THANK YOU ALL FOR THE PRAYERS ,, I APPRECIATE YOU ALL SO MUCH ,,, MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL ALWAYS,, AND YOUR FAMILY’S ,, LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL ,,,,,
Please help me pray for my daughter Vera, She is talented, beautiful and very intelligent. The devil is trying all ways to steal and destroy, but he is a liar, and defeated at the cross by the blood of Jesus. Pray for Vera to get her act together, and to live and accomplish what God has set for her. Pray for me to have patience, love and wisdom on how to deal with her. Thank you
JUNE, I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOUR DAUGHTER,AND YOU ALSO ,,, I FEEL YOUR PAIN, I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS WHEN OUR CHILD, ACTS OUT ,,YOU AREN’T ALONE, MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU IN PRAYER ,, GOD BE WITH YOU ,, STAY CLOSE WITH GOD AND STAY STRONG IN HIS WORD , LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
Dear June,
I am praying for you and your daughter, Vera. Let God guide you and trust Him. He is faithful and will not let you down. I pray peace for you and enlightenment for your daughter. Carol, you and your daughter are in my prayers also as is all the families I read about on this site.
Love,
Pam
I have an 18 year old daughter in a wrong sexual relationship she seems to be trying to make better choices but she continues to struggle. I have a son 21 year old that smokes weed and appears totally depressed, such a mighty man of God but is so lost however he goes to church every Sunday. I have a 16 year old daughter that is so lonely and often has a mean spirit but is so passionate about her beliefs. My husband an I have raised these children in the admonition of God. Help us Pray and BELIEVE for their deliverance (SOON).
Angela, I apologize for not approving your comment sooner. I pray that the Lord will give you strength. I do pray that you would soon see answers to prayer.
ANGELA, I WANT YOU TO KNOW MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU , AND I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ,, GOD BLESS YOU ALL ,, LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST ;; CAROL
Hey everyone! I have not forgotten you at all…in fact, I pray for you and your families..as we continue to walk through this maze of incredible agony. (As you are,as well)
My husband and I continue to leave this before our Heavenly Father…and we were just talking the other day about how we are not the only parents enduring this pain…I brought your name up, Carole. I mentioned to my husband that you and your husband have not seen your daughter for 5 Christmases. Also..mentioned that there is a grandchild involved as well. Do you know if it is a grandson or granddaughter,
Carol? Chris, what is the name of that book you are co-authoring? I believe we need to have support groups for people like us…there is too much to walk isolated. God never made us to be islands. Thank-you again,Chris for this website. Christ is our hope…and the hope for our lost sons and daughters…if they are lost, so are we…just in a sea of grief.
THANKS FOR PRAYERS LOUISE, NO WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT OUR DAUGHTER OR OUR GRANDCHILD,( BOY OR GIRL )DONT KNOW ,,, NOT SURE IF THE BABY IS EVEN BORN YET ,,,,OUR GOD KNOW’S ALL ,, AND ALL OUR FAITH, TRUST AND HOPE IS IN THE FATHER, HE KNOW’S WHAT IS BEST FOR US ALL ,,,,,STILL PRAYING FOR ALL ON THIS WEB SITE,, GOD BLESS YOU ALL ,,, LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL ,,,,
I need prayer. Our daughter left home at 16…almost 30 years ago as she delved into witchcraft etc. over the years there have been times where we’ve tried to reconnect and all have ended in disaster. Usually she calls when she’s in financial straits and many times we’ve helped. I don’t know if it’s a spirit of deception or mental illness, but she always remembers them differently than we do. As an expample, we paid for a year of living expenses, bought a car and started paying for a trade school. We even flew to where she was to take care of her daughter (which she’d just won visitation for with our help) she turned on us, hid the daughter, and when we checked into a hotel threatened our lives. We withdrew our support at that time and she had to drop out of school. She remembers that we withdrew support because she failed a class. I am stunned.
Well, she’s in trouble again, and condemning our Christianity because we won’t help her. We’ve done it so many times with no fruit to show for it. She’s very strong and uses the Word of God against us. I have been sick all night long thinking my salvation is in jeapordy from the things she said to me. My husband says I am to have no contact with her. She loves to use her power (occult) to cast spells and tie us up in knots.
I don’t know why I’m writing a blog. I am just struggling…I know God is good. I know I am not. She says that when he sees me He will say when I was hungry you didn’t feed me, or clothe me…begone I never knew you. It’s almost more than I can bear.
Hi Noelle,
I am thankful you took the time to write and ask for prayer. I am thankful you are not enabling more rebellion.
I cannot imagine the pain you face after so many years of rebellion from your daughter. But I pray that the Lord will grant you strength and peace.
I also pray that if you don’t have a Gospel centered local church, that God will soon help you find one.
1 Peter 5:7-8,
Pastor Chris Brauns
Dear Noelle,
Those of us here on this site ALL have wondered,like you,why we were writing blogs to people we did not know…we, too knew we were in deep agonizing pain. At times that pain would drive me to grief that incapacitated me..I am an RN…working in a Neuro-Trauma ICU. I had to leave my job..I had become so paralyzed by the pain and agony our daughter had put us through. I could not properly concentrate in my field. Six years later, things have been like yours…trouble comes to her court…she calls for our help…financial, etc..we repaired the car, paid car insurance, which was so expensive because she had poor credit…you name it, we did it. Our granddaughter, who just turned a year old a few weeks ago…to give her our birthday gifts and well wishes…we had to meet her in a restaurant…not at her trailer. My daughter, like your daughter, uses our Christianity…and KNOWS it is a soft spot with me…to get what she wants. She plays the part of the victim quite well. Like your daughter, I have discovered that she had become involved with the occult some years before. Your daughter has NO CLUE what our Lord Jesus is going to say to you…and what she says is not so!!!! Listen to your husband…pray the prayer of safe keeping for your grandchild(ren). That is what we are doing. We cannot enable that rebellious behavior. Love her…but love her in prayer and from a distance. She is dangerous…as is our daughter. Your daughter, our daughter…need help…and that is help we cannot give them…but He can send them to that place of help without us getting in the middle. My husband and I have totally stood back. We are moving clear across the state to get away from the situation. We need to move on. We both felt it is time to make a break for it…and get on with life…
We are praying for you and your family..
“Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.”
This day, my heart was overwhelmed and is now overflowing. Today in church we released the chains of guilt and condemnation. I didn’t sleep last night and had some pretty ugly physical problems from anxiety. My husband “pulled the plug” on my communication with my daughter but her words of Him saying to me “I never knew you” had already taken root. I was considering not going to church and certainly not taking communion..too guilty. But today, Jesus met me … again. He spoke to my spirit “Noelle, hear my voice…I love you and will in no way cast you out”. Then when we prayed to bind the spirits of guilt and condemnation I began to slightly feel a freedom. I had a terrible headache and stomache ache too. When we went out to breakfast after church, I really couldn’t eat much.
Ah but now…the headache is going, my stomache feels better and this perfect freedom is starting to wash over me. While I feel almost guilty to cut the communication, I am listening to my husband..respecting what he says..and submitting to that. I know there is wisdom in it…it is just so hard. it is a spiritual battle “grande”. I know it is an attack from the enemy…from the pit of hell…but He IS greater who is in me. And, I remember Ephesians 6, I am not battling against my daughter but spiritual wickedness in high places. Praise God, the battle has been won.
Louise, I really valued your words…you’ve been there…you know. I so want to help my daughter back to the Lord, but He’s God, I am not. He will deliver her in His way and in His time. I, like you, am removing myself from her. I cannot stay in this quagmire of emotional upheaval. I will..and am…putting my complete trust and faith in Him. Not only for her, but for me also. Maybe a spirit of self righteousness had crept in. I DON’T deserve salvation and never will. His grace is new every morning and this day I choose His grace.
Thanks again for writing and for praying for me. Thank you, Lord for your gift of salvation and for the Body of Christ who acts as your hands, feet and heart when we are in need. Praise Him Praise Him
Noelle,
Amen! He is the healer of broken hearts…broken spirits, brokenness! None of us deserve that precious gift of salvation..He gave it to us…freely…because His love for us is so great…we cannot even understand it. He loves our lost daughters and/or sons…He knows the hearts. He is their Savior too…but it will be His undertaking..with our prayers. Remember,He does stand making intercession with the Father continuously. I know all too well the physical and emotional upheaval these circumstances can bring upon us…and imprisoning our thinking every minute of the day. God is good…ALL THE TIME! He loves you…He loves your daughter…NOT the SIN. We will both stand back and watch the Salvation of God Almighty for us…and for our lost lambs. God’s Peace, Sister!
Louise
WELL HERE I AM ALMOST 5 YEARS LATER AND MY DAUGHTER IS 23 YEARS OLD NOW , AND SHE STILL DOESNT TALK TO ME, SHE IS STILL WITH HIM, AND ABOUT A MONTH AGO ( MAYBE ) SHE GAVE BIRTH TO OUR FIRST GRAND CHILD, A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL, LAST TUESDAY I WAS ON FB AND A VIDIO POPED UP ON MY DAUGHTERS MOTHER-IN-LAW’S FB AND THERE IT WAS A VIDIO OF MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER GIVING BIRTH TO HER CHILD, MY HEART FELL I JUST COULDNT BELEIVE, THAT MY BABY WAS HAVING A BABY, I WAS NOT INVITED TO BE A PART OF THIS PRECIOUS ENVENT, MY HEART IS BROKEN,THERE WAS HIS FAMILY IN THE VIDIO HIS MOM, STEP MOM, HIS DAD, AND A COUPLE OF FRIENDS,,,,I WONDER IF ONE DAY MY DARLING GRAND DAUGHTER WILL ASK WHY MY HUSBAND AND I WERENT IN THE VIDIO ??? MY DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBAND ASK US FOR NOTHING, NOR WILL HE LET HER EXCEPT ANYTHING FROM US,,,MY DAUGHTER WORKS FULL TIME AND HE WORKS ON AND OFF BUT HE DOES WORK MORE ON RIGHT NOW ,I THINK,,,WE DO KNOW WHERE THEY LIVE, AND IT IS DECENT,,,,MY HUSBAND WENT TO THERE PLACE AND THEY WERENT HOME AND HE CALLED AND MY DAUGHTER ANSWERED,,,THEY TALKED, FOR OVER AN HOUR, SHE SAID SHE IS THINKING OF BRINGING THE BABY OVER BUT DOESNT KNOW WHEN, SHE TOLD MY HUSBAND THAT SHE WANTS US TO KNOW THAT SHE HAS THOUGHT OF US EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS,AND THAT SHE LOVES US VERY MUCH ,, SHE ASKED ABOUT THE WELL BEING OF ALL OF THE FAMILY, HER AUNTS AND UNCLES,,,,SHE ( MY DAUGHTER) SAID IF I HAD A STAND UP HUSBAND HE WOULD HAVE ALL REALLY MADE ME COME ,,,,,I CAN READ RIGHT THROUGH IT ,,,SHE WANTS HIM TO SUPPORT HER ON HER DECISION TO COME SEE US, AND HE’S NOT DOING IT,,, HE’S VERY CONTROLLING AND HE GETS UPSET IF THINGS DONT GO HIS WAY , AND MY DAUGHTER KNOW’S THE CONSEQUENCE WHEN THINGS DOESNT GO HIS WAY ,, HE’S NOT TELLING HER NOT TO COME,I DONT THINK ,, BUT HES NOT TELLING HER TO COME ,,,,SHE DID SAY IF SHE COMES HE IS NOT ,,BUT SHE HAS A GIRL FRIEND THAT IS COMING WITH HER ,, THIS IS FINE WITH US ,,,,,I DONT KNOW THE TREATMENT SHE GOT FROM HIM FOR STAYING ON THE PHONE THAT LONG WITH HER DAD ,,HE WAS SETTING RIGHT THERE WITH HER ,,,, HE DOESNT LIKE TO SHARE,HE WANTS HER ALL TO HIMSELF, IT WILL PROABLLY BE THE SAME WAY FOR OUR G. BABY,,I PRAY NOT,,,, MY DAUGHTER SAID THEY DONT GO TO CHURCH ANYMORE, THAT THEY HAVE CHURCH AT HOME,, WITH HIM TEACHING, I DONT THINK THAT THEY WENT TO CHURCH MUCH ANYWAY ,,,,THE CHURCH HE SAID THAT HE WENT TO,,,MY HUSBAND AND I WENT THERE AND THEY SAID THAT THEY NEVER HEARD OF HIM,,,,HE TOLD US HE WORKED IN SUNDAY SCHOOL AND VBS ,,AND WENT ON MISSION TRIPS,,,,VERY SAD ,,PLEASE PRAY FOR MY DAUGHTER AND HER BABIES SAFTY,,, I PRAY FOR YOU ALL ,, MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND OUR CHILDREN ,,,,,ITS A WHOLE DIFFENCE STORY WHEN THERE ARE LITTLE BABIES ,, I PRAY MY DAUGHTER PROTECTS HER BABY ,,LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
Carol,
How our hearts break for you and your husband! About two months ago, we were texted that we were not allowed to be around our granddaughter. We knew that was coming…as your son-in-law is, so is ours: self-centered, controlling, abusive, a con artist, etc. Our daughtr works, he does not. We are praying for our daughter to return to her roots, to her borders…and for her to wake up so the baby does not become victimized by that environment. We understand your heartache..nothing like it…nor are there words ample enough to describe it. We will be praying for your daughter as well. Love to you…and all of you who are enduring this agony. May you find His peace through this storm, which is NOT of your choosing. He holds us up..and we are strong because He raises us up to be more than what we can imagine to be! We are His..and so are our lost children…they are His as well.
Hi Carol and Louise and others. You are on my heart. I am so sorry this has been such a long road.
I may have mentioned this before, but I have a new book coming out in February with Zondervan, and one of my goals in that book is to encourage the hearts of those whose children are hurting them deeply.
I hope to post something new about this subject soon. So stay in touch with my web site. If you haven’t already subscribed by email you might do that by clicking the envelope at the top right of my site.
THANK YOU CHRIS, AND SWEET LOUISE ,, I APPRECIATE THE PRAYERS AND KIND WORDS ,,, THIS IS MUCH HARDER WITH A BABY, HERE NOW , MY HUSBAND TALKED TO OUR DAUGHTER TODAY FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES, SHE WAS VERY SHORT WITH HIM ,, MY HUSBAND IS JUST GOING TO CALL MAYBE EVERY COUPLE OF WEEKS OR SO ,,, WE LOVE HER AND OUR GRAND BABY VERY MUCH,, AND HOPE FULLY SHE WILL START TO TRUST US AND SEE THAT WE ARE NOT THE BAD PEOPLE, HE TELLS HER WE ARE ,,,WE ARE ONLY INTERESTED RIGHT NOW IN HER AND THE BABIES SAFTY AND HAPPINESS,,WE KNOW SHE IS WAKING FROM A LOT OF STUFF THAT HE HAS TOLD HER ,, WHEN SHE TOLD US THAT SHE HAS THOUGHT OF US EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS AND THAT SHE LOVES US VERY MUCH ,, SHE WAS VERY KIND AND LOVING TO HER DADDY ,,WE ARE JUST GOING TO TAKE THINGS SLOW ,, AND LET THE LORD LEAD US AND TRUST IN HIS WORD ,,,,AND WE PRAY IN TIME OUR GIRL WILL START TO SEE US AS THE LOVING PARENTS THAT WE ARE AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN TO HER ,,AND HOPEFULLY HER HUSBAND WILL SEE THAT WE WANT TO LOVE HIM TO ,, BUT HE HAS TO LET US ,, HE IS OUR GRANDAUGHTER’S DADDY AND FOR HER SAKE WE WILL DO WHAT WE NEED TO DO WITH OUR LORD LEADING US ,,,ALL PRAYERS ARE MUCH NEEDED AND APPRECIATED ,,,,,,WE LOVE ALL OF YOU AND PRAY FOR ALL ON THE WEB DAILY ,, MAY GOD BE WITH US ALL AND OUR CHILDREN ,,,IN HIS SON’S NAME JESUS CHRIST ,,,LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST ,, CAROL ,,
Sister Carol, I pray that you will get to see and hold your grand baby soon.
THANK-YOU PASTOR CHRIS, I APPRECIATE THE PRAYERS ,,, I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO SOME OF YOUR SERMON’S AND ENJOYING THEM,,, THANK-YOU ,,, YOU AND THIS WEB SITE HAS BEEN SUCH A BLESSING TO ME ,,,GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ,,,,,
Hugs to you, Carol. Can you feel the strength coming to you from our Father? I am asking His strength for you and for your husband…We will lift you up…and lift us, please, Carol. We ache to hold our loving granddaughter. So, I ask Him to hug her at various times throughout the day and night. Love to you, Carol. Chris, I would love your updates. Will attempt to get your updates. Love to you all!
I’ve been reading the comments here for quite a while. While I don’t write often, it is so valuable for me to read what others are going through. 1) I know I’m not alone. Yes, I have Jesus, but others are in the same battle, and somehow it helps me to know that 2) There is wisdom in the words and thoughts of others, so I lean on that too. Ultimately the Word of God is our final authority, but His spirit is also in the words of some here. Thank you.
Nothing has changed with our daughter, we still have no contact. She can reach me through Skype and every day (like an addict) I choose to not open that website and check for communication. She should have been evicted on the 22nd, but we have not heard. While still struggling with guilt/condemnation, the Lord is winning that battle too! I had lunch with a pastor/friend the other day. When I told him some of the things my daughter said to me about being unworthy to be a child of Jesus, he had this comment. “Why would you let anyone try to speak “light” into your life who is living in darkness” For some reason, I’ve been free since he said that…almost two weeks ago! Praise God how he uses the body to minister. Thanks to all of you too!
Blessings,
Noelle
OH YES LOUISE, I FEEL THE STRENGTH OF PRAYER, AND I THANK YOU FOR PRAYERS, I COULD NEVER DO THIS WITHOUT PRAYER, I PRAISE THE FATHER IN HEAVEN, FOR ALL HIS GRACE,,, OUR GOD IS SO AMAZING ,,, I PRAY FOR YOU LOUISE AND YOUR HUSBAND,,I PRAY THAT YOU HAVE YOUR LOVIN ARM’S AROUND YOUR GRANDBABY, VERY SOON,,,,WE ARE STILL WAITING UPON THE LORD TO HAVE HIS PERFECT TIMING FOR OUR FAMILY TO BE RESTORED,,,,AND YES I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO GET MY HAND’S ON THAT BABY,,,,SMILE’S,, I DAY DREAM ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME ,,,SMILE’S,,, WE LOVE YOU AND REMEMBER YOU ALWAYS IN DAILY PRAYER,,,,,,LOVE TO YOU ALL ,,, MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ,,,IN JESUS NAME ,,
NOLLE,,,, YOU ARE NEVER ALONE, MY HEART HURTS FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER ,,,MY SON-IN-LAW ,, TOLD ME WHAT A NON-CHRISTIAN PERSON I AM ,,AND HIS WORDS DONT HURT ME AT ALL , I COULD CARE LESS WHAT HE AND HIS FAMILY THINK OF ME ,,,,THE ONLY PERSON TO BE CONCERN WITH MY SALVATION, IS JESUS CHRIST ,, WE DONT HAVE TO ANSWER TO ANY ONE ON THIS EARTH !! THANK- GOD FOR THAT !!NOLLE, I PRAY FOR PEACE IN YOUR HEART,AND I PRAY THAT SOME DAY YOUR DAGHTER WILL WAKE UP ,, AND REMEMBER ALL THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR HER ,,,BUT UNTIL THEM ALWAYS KNOW THAT OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN LOVES US SO MUCH,, AND HE IS PRAYING JUST AS HARD FOR OUR CHILDREN AS WE ARE ,,,,OUR CHILDREN BELONG TO THE FATHER,,OUR FATHER IS SO AMAZING TO PUT HIS CHILDREN, IN OUR CARE, AND OUR FATHER KNOW’S THAT ALL OF US ON THIS WEB SITE, WERE AND ARE VERY GOOD PARENTS ,,,,KNOW NOELLE THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND KNOW WE LOVE YOU ,,AND WE ARE PRAYING DAILY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ,,,,,GOD BLESS YOU ,,,,LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL
Well..this is a rough day…thinking of that granddaughter I cannot see, nor hold. I am trying to prepare our hearts to live with that realization of not being an active part of her life. He is so controlling that she will only be allowed to see his controlling family, which is what we warned her about before marrying him. She posted on her facebook page that we were abusive to her all her life..interesting…all her older siblings were raised wutht he same boundaries, etc…only differrence is that she had it easier. Sound familiar, Carole? well…he has made no bones about hiding hte fact he does not like us…especially since we have withdrawn all financial support nfrom them. Nothing is hidde freom our Lord Jesus’ eyes…His will be done. Love to you, Carole…
PRAYING FOR YOU LOUISE, AND I FULLY UNDER STAND YOUR PAIN,,,BUT REALLY I DONT BELIEVE ALL THIS ON OUR CHILDREN’S PART HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LIKE OR LOVE I FEEL OUR DAUGHTER’S ARE SO BRAINWASHED INTO THINKING THAT THEY CANT LIVE WITHOUT THIS MALE PERSON IN THERE LIFES ,,, BUT THE TRUTH BE KNOWN OUR DAUGHTERS CAN LIVE VERY WELL WITHOUT THESES MALES IN THERE LIFES,, IT’S THESE’S HUSBANDS, THAT NEED THEM AND OUR DAUGHTER’S MAKE IT EASY FOR THEM,,BECAUSE OUR DAUGHTER’S ARE SO PASTIVE ,,,,AND A PASTIVE PERSON IS EVERY CONTROLLING PERSON’S DREAM TO HAVE AS A PARTNER !!!NOTHING ABOUT OUR DAUGHTER’S LIFE IS ABOUT LOVE,, IT IS ABOUT SURVIVAL,, FOR HER AND NOW HER BABY,,,OUR DAUGHTER IS NOT DOING THIS TO US ,, THIS IS BEING DONE TO HER ,, BY THE EVIL ONE THAT SHE HAS ALLOWED INTO HER HEART,,,( IF HER HUSBAND SAID,, GO SEE YOUR MOM,, SHE WOULD BE HERE IN A HEART BEAT , OUR DAUGHTER HAS LEARN TO PROTECT HER SELF AND NOW THERE BABY’S ,,,, MY SON-IN-LAW HOLDS THE BIBLE OVER OUR DAUGHTERS HEAD(TAKING IT ALL OUT OF PERSPECTIVE, HE READS IT TO SUIT HIS OWN NEEDS )))) TO KEEP HER, LOYAL,OBEDIENT,TO HIM,,I FEEL SO SAD FOR MY GIRL, SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL, BRITE, INTELLIGENT, PERSON,,,HANG-IN FRIEND MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU TODAY AND EVERY DAY ,,,,LOVE YOU MY SISTER IN CHRIST,,HUGS,,,I KNOW THAT OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN WILL WAKE OUR DAUGHTER’S IN HIS TIME,, WHY ??? BECAUSE HE SAID HE WOULD !!!!
THESE ARE THE WORDS THAT I HAVE LONG TO SAY ON THIS WEB SITE,,, MY DAUGHTER CAME AND BROUGHT OUR BEAUTIFUL GRAND DAUGHTER ,, THIS PAST SUNDAY ,, HER GIRLFRIEND CAME WITH HER ,, HE DID NOT COME ,,,,WE DO HAVE A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF US, BUT BY GODS GRACE HE WILL LEAD US AND HEAL OUR FAMILY ,,,,,I HAVE NOT BEEN IN THE SAME ROOM WITH MY GIRL, SINCE THE END OF 2OO7,,,,,THANK YOU GOD FOR YOUR AMAZING GRACE ,,,I FEEL GOOD TODAY ,, FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME,,THANK YOU PRECIOUS LORD ,,,,I CANT STOP PRAISING HIM ,,,,,,MY GIRL HUGGED AND KISSED ME BYE AND TOLD ME SHE LOVE’S ME ,,,THANKFULL TO THE MASTER,,,,LOVE IN CHRIST YOUR SISTER CAROL ,,,, THANKFULL FOR THE POWER OF PRAYER ,,,,,,,
Praise the Lord Carol! I have prayed for you and felt your pain. God is the great Restorer. I pray that as time passes, hurts will heal and that you and your husband will be able to enjoy years with your daughter and grand daughter. Again, I am very happy for you Carol.
Love,
Pam
THANK YOU ,, PASTOR CHRIS & PAM ,,,,,,MY DAUGHTER AND MY GRAND-BABY CAME AGAIN LAST FRI.20TH AND THEY CAME AT 11:00AM TIL 5:30PM,,,WE HAD A GREAT DAY ,, MY DAUGHTER AND THE BABY AND I JUST LAYED ON THE FLOOR ON THE BLANKET,TALKED AND TALKED,I HELD MY GRAND BABY MOST OF THE DAY , SHE IS SO SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL ,MY DAUGHTER ALSO CALLED ME THIS PAST SUN. NIGHT 10:00PM AND SAID MOM I WANTED TO SAY HELLO AND TELL YOU I LOVE YOU,,,,,,I AM SO BLESSED ,OH YES, MY NEW NAME IS GRAMMY,,I AM PRAISING GOD FOR HIS FAITHFULNESS,,,,MY HUSBAND AND I ARE SO THANKFULL,,,,,,STILL NEED PARYERS, BUT THE LORD IS WAKING OUR DAUGHTER,THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT AND MANY PRAYERS,,,,HER HUSBAND IS STILL HERE, AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN HE WILL GO OFF,,,BUT WE ARE STILL HOPE FULL THAT OUR DAUGHTER WILL WAKE AND SEE HIM FOR WHO HE REALLY IS ,,AND THAT IS NOT A GOOD PERSON ???I KNOW THAT GOD IS IN CONTROLL AND WE ARE GOING TO STEP BACK AND WATCH OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN, WORK AMAZING THINGS IN OUR LIFES ,,,PRAISE HIM ,,,,,LOVE YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST CAROL
Hello to all! I started reading the articles and comments on this website last week researching on how to deal with a rebellious daughter. It really helped for what my husband and I have been going through the last few months. Praise God!
Carol, I just read your new post, I’m sooo happy for you. This wonderful update helps give everyone hope.
My situation is very similar with Carol except my daughter is not married yet. She’s 24 years old and will have a civil wedding today, July 25th. We live in the west coast. My daughter has been so hostile to me that I chose not to attend the wedding. She didn’t really care if I was there anyway because she I didn’t approve of her living arrangement with her boyfriend.
I’m grieving, her husband-to-be has taken control of her and she’s become like him. Her biblical standards have been compromised by him.
I haven’t been in contact with her for a month because she’s been telling our mutual friends and relatives about my bad parenting skills and she’s been making up lies and sharing distorted stories to get sympathy and to turn people against me and my husband. It wounded my heart deeply.
I wrote her a long e-mail today. I was so traumatized by her last e-mail a month ago that I couldn’t even check my email account anymore.
She was a God fearing daughter who has made a vow to stay pure until marriage. She’s never had a boyfriend before. But her BF who is a professing Christian was able to convince her to live a life of compromise. He tried to be nice to me before they got engaged after dating for a month. They only held hands while dating. And after their engagement, he took over her life eventhough she’s still our dependent and both have no regular jobs but both are aspiring singers/songwriters.
He asked me where is it in the Bible where it says it’s wrong for a girl friend to sleep over at her boyfriend’s condo? My daughter and I have both been deceived by him for he is quite charming and manipulative, but I realized too late. I wasn’t able to help change my daughter’s mind about him. He has already taken control of her and has captured her heart and mind. I doubt if he’s a Christian. He’s yelled at me when he doesn’t get his way. My daughter chose not to defend me so she can please him.
I felt so bad because I raised and nurtured her in God’s word. I am not perfect and have made mistakes in parenting, but I was there for her always. I asked God for help and I had this revelation today which set me free from self-condemnation. My daughter is a follower and soaks in the personality of whomever she’s around with like a sponge. After she got engaged, she spent most of her time being with him and she became like him and took on his liberal views also to please him.
It’s so surreal, a nightmare, my only daughter, getting married sometime today and I’m not going to be there and she doesn’t really care. So much hurt and unresolved issues. We were so close befor this guy came along and we had a loving relationship. I was the one God used to lead her to Christ and I was her discipler also for 12 years.
It hurts but God is giving me this joy in Him as I let go of her and move forward with my life. I’m starting a new chapter in my life and it’s a happy life. I try my best not to think of her. Please pray for our family’s healing and restoration. A month ago I felt so condemned and was really depressed but God carried me through.
Carol, I’m so happy for your wonderful reconciliation with your daughter and being able to see your granddaughter. I am praying for your famiy and your son-in-law for God to
There is always hope as we trust God completely and wait patiently. My husband and I reconciled after a 26 month separation where we didn’t see each other at all. I thought our marriage was done. My daughter moved out in May to be with her boyfriend. I fasted and prayed and God led me to contact my estranged husband on the same day. Now, I’m focusing my energy on loving my husband and seeking God first.
Sincerely,
Mary
HI PASTOR,I HAVE BEEN HAVING A HARD TIME CONNECTING TO THIS WEB SITE,,,,,,I DONT KNOW IF ITS ME OR THE WEB FOR SOME REASON,,,,JUST LETTING YOU KNOW,,,,,,,,CAROL
Something weird was going on earlier today, but seems to be better now. Let me know if you continue to have problems. Thanks for telling me.
Hi everyone,
I so seldom try to get on the site, because of all the problems I have posting…I’m hoping this goes through. I get each message in my emails, and save them, unread. When I have several, I read them all at once.
The tears I cry when I read these posts are so seldom from joy, but Carol, what tears of JOY I’ve cried for you! When I think of all those years without your daughter, and now you are even making memories with your granddaughter!! PRAISE GOD!!
I’ve read many posts today. SO good to have these reminders, once again, that I’m not alone, that there is hope, and that — just because my daughter doesn’t love me, and continues to lie about us and turn people against us who barely know us — doesn’t mean that God loathes me(which is what I fear, these days).
I’ve prayed for you all.
With Love,
Amy
Amy,
I am SO sorry that you have problems with comments. I am not sure what is going on.
It may be that we just have such a long thread and list of comments that it is giving us a difficult time.
I am going to work on a solution. In the mean time, hopefully you all will be patient.
Again, I apologize. I didn’t realize there was a big problem with comments, though we have had frustrations in the past.
Chris.
Chris,
If this one works, that means it’s two in a row. I just don’t try any more because of all of the past problems. But if this one goes through, I’m assuming that whatever was causing problems for me in the past, has been solved. Thanks, Chris.
HELLO ALL ,,, THANK YOU FOR THE SWEET COMENTS,,AND MUCH NEEDED PRAYERS,,,GOD HAS BEEN SO GREAT ,, OUR DAUGHTER AND GRAND DAUGHTER CAME TO VISIT US TODAY FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS ,SHE HAS COME EVERY FRI’ FOR THE PAST 3 WEEKS ( FRI. IS HER DAY OFF WORK), EACH VISIT GETS BETTER AND BETTER,,,,,OUR DAUGHTER EVEN ASKED FOR SOME OF HER STORY-BOOKS (THAT SHE HAD AS A CHILD)IT WAS FUN LOOKING AT ALL THE BOOKS IN THE LARGE BOX,,AND OUR DAUGHTER REMEMBERING WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE, AND HER DADDY AND I WOULD READ TO HER ,(SHE’S REMEMBERING THE LOVE WE HAVE FOR HER,,), NOW THE SAME BOOKS WILL BRING JOY TO HER AND HER DAUGHTER,,,,,,,,,,,,,OUR DAUGHTER SAY’S LITTLE THINGS THAT ARE UPSETTING ABOUT HIM, LIKE THINGS HE SAYS OR DOES,,,,HE HASNT CHANGED,MUCH, HE HASNT COME AROUND ,,WHICH IS FINE ,,STILL PRAYING OUR DAUGHTER WILL SEE HIM FOR WHAT HE’S WORTH, SHE CAN SEE FAULT IN THE REST OF HIS FAMILY BUT NOT HIM ,,WE JUST LISTEN AND PRAY ,, WE ARE TRYING REAL HARD,,,WE DONT WANT TO LOSE HER AGAIN, OR OUR DARLING GRAND-BABY,, I MAKED A CAKE AND SOME CHICKEN & NOODLES AND SHE TEXTED, HIM TO SEE IF SHE COULD BRING SOME HOME FOR THERE DINNER,AND HE SAID YES, ,,,,,SUCH A SMALL THING ,AND KIND OF SILLY,, BUT HIM SAYING YES TO THE FOOD ,,, MADED OUR DAUGHTER SO HAPPY ,,SHE ACTED EXCITED,( FOR ONE REASON, SHE WOULDNT HAVE TO GO HOME AND COOK,,,SHE COULD JUST EAT AND RELAX , FOR ONCE),,IT MADED ME HAPPY FOR HER ,,PRAYING THAT THINGS KEEP GETTING BETTER,,,PRAYING AND HOPING THAT THIS ENCOURAGE’S OTHERS IN WHAT GOD CAN DO ,AND WILL DO IN HIS TIME ,,,,ITS BEEN A LONG 5 YEARS,,,PRAISE GOD FOR HIS FAITHFULNESS,, AND HIS AMAZING GRACE,,,,LOVE AND PRAYERS YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST,,,,PASTOR CHRIS AND ,MARY,AMY,& PAM ,THANK YOU ALL FOR PRAYERS AND MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALL AND YOUR DAUGHTER’S ,, MY PRAYERS ARE WITH ALL ON THIS SITE ,, GOD HELP US AND OUR CHILDREN
Praise God, PRAISE GOD for your miracle, Carol!! More happy tears as I read your update from today! I love you, Carol, and I’m so happy for you!
Carol, both my husband and I wish to send our deepest heartfelt joy for your good news. Our daughter had done that very thing for us in our granddaughter’s earlier months. That all stopped one year ago this month. We continue to pray. Our daughter, like your daughter, Mary, has made up stories and lied about our entire family. We have all backed away…let her know we love her…and have left them alone. We believe He is working in this…although we cannot see it..He is faithful..and He is true to His Word. Some days are easy, I can get on with daily activities…some days have been emotionally crippling, the sorrow and grief are so overwhelming.
Again, Carol, we wish to convey to you and your husband our joy for your breakthrough!
Louise, I remember reading, way back when, that there was a sudden change for the worse with your daughter, after such great hope. Now that I can post again, I’ll say that I am so sorry! I’ve been praying for you…for all of you in this discussion group.
I think one of the most devastating things about this whole mess with my daughter has been, when things seem to be consistently getting better, suddenly there’s an unexpected, shocking change for the worse. I can’t imagine it if there was a grandchild involved.
And Mary, I’m so sorry for you. One of the things I don’t understand is our children’s desire to turn relatives against us. It’s happened to us. Eventually almost everyone has gone back to treating us like they used to(it took a very long time), but now our daughter is turning other people against us. I just don’t understand…at all!
My mother was not a good mother to me at all… I was her least favorite child. She didn’t start treating me with respect until I was in my mid-forties and was the only of her kids who really showed genuine love for my father his last couple of years of life, while he had dementia. And my sister made my teen years pretty miserable. And yet, through all of that, I was always very careful not to exaggerate about either of them. I didn’t want people to think they were bad people. Also, I hurt when I would see that they were hurting, even all those years when they were awful to me.
So it just boggles my mind when I look at how I made being a good, loving mom “job one”, and my other kids have given her chance after chance even though she’s always been just horrible to them, and yet she likes to turn others against us!
Actually, I would love to know how others have dealt, especially emotionally, with this aspect of having an adult, rebellious child. Right now I’m feeling almost numb about the situation with my daughter(I feel like this is a little protection from God, because I haven’t been crying as often), but I DO feel like I’m often looking over my shoulder, wondering what lies people are believing about us.
Please, anyone with insight, I’d love to hear it. And Chris, I’m looking forward to your book coming out in February…that kind of info is needed by me, and by so many others.
With love to all,
Amy
Amy….I have expressed this very same thought. We really need a support group…to help us navigate through these unchartered waters. Not a gripe session…but sessions to help us go through the pain of it all..give us understanding to what is going on. I believe our daughters’ behavior is indicative of drug/alcohol usage. The sudden change, the irrationality, the outbursts of anger etc. My husband and I,after much anguish, agony, prayer, and hurt..decided to follow what the retired CIA agent had suggested we do, since we were not allowed to see our granddaughter for quite some time…called an agency who sent CPS and narcotics out to their place. Love has to be tough…and this is the time it called for that, as it is not just our adult daughter…but this situation involves our 15 month old granddaughter. Our friend told us that it was going to get messy…to expect it to get worse yet…and it is so true. He said that it will be just a matter of time that they will get caught. He had told us the reason we were not allowed to come see them was the fact that they are involved in something they did not want us to see. Asked us if we noticed shoes out on their porch…or a porch light on at different times during the day, when they always made certain that the light was off to save on their electric bills. One afternoon in April we had come to take her and our granddaughter to the doctor..she was too sick to drive herself…their porch light was on during that bright sunny day(which was one of other times we noticed that as well). I turned the light off…and when we returned 3 hrs later….that light was back on! We researched when it was clear to call Hotline for CPS…this situation met all the criteria. Our daughter was a very gentle, loving, kind, happy, witty young girl and teen. It was after meeting the wrong “friends” and making wrong self-destruct decisions that changed her. By the way, some of these “friends” attended church with her. Sound familiar, Carol? Appears that Satan loves to go to church…seeking whom he might devour.
To deal with the pain, I call friends and go to lunch, window shop, go to an uplifting movie, and do meditate on His Word. Even thinking of starting a support group. So, Chris, I am awaiting your book to come out as well. I think this may be the direction He is leading us in, Amy…and everybody here…perhaps a ministry of comfort.
The Word that has been ministering to me during this recent event,
The Be-Attitudes..esp the one that states..”Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” That says a great deal to me…it is a promise..and it denotes a future progression…not instant, but a gradual happening. He works His will, His mind, and His heart into our lives during this time. This will work His perfect will and grow us up through it…and out of it will come a testimony of His faithfulness…I have felt His peace when things would get so dark for us. He loves all our children and grandchildren…more than we. He sees and hears everything…His arm is not too short to help.
We understand the lies, Mary…remember this…all manner of evil was spoken of our Jesus…if we are following after Him…the same will happen to us.
The second thing I ponder is this: Life is full of events, this is ONE of life’s many events…we need to start finding a way to build a bridge to come over it…not drown in it. Thus, my prayer life has changed considerably…no longer do I just pray…”Take care of this, …watch over…but I now pray..Father, here I am…how do you want me to walk through this valley? Please give me your perspective and YOUR heart…let me pray YOUR will…and grant me the gift of repentance for anything you see I need to change that is not pleasing to You!” Things have become more bearable…and I am becoming hopeful that His hand is actually at work in this furnace of affliction!
Love and pray for everyone here…hopeful to see what He has done in Carol’s daughter’s life! Bless everyone!
Louise, unfortunately, my book really focuses on hurting family members for one chapter. So I don’t know that it will be what you are looking for.
I am sorry that you have to go through so much with this.
Hi everyone,
Because we have so many comments on this post, I would like to move the discussion to a new post.
http://www.chrisbrauns.com/2012/08/02/hurting-parents-need-place-to-meet/
You will still be able to read the comments on this post. But let’s make comments on the new one.
Chris.